Day By Day© by Chris Muir.

Thursday, March 31, 2005

R.I.P., Terri. I'm sorry.

If this website is not a joke, somebody needs to kick some parental butt for naming this guy. I do hope he wasn't an ob/gyn. I certainly wouldn't have gone to him for assistance.

Here you go, guys. Give your special lady a gift that will really sweeten your love life: a candy bra. It's made out of those little candies you used to be able to buy as an elastic necklace, remember? Yummy!

Wouldn't it be great if this whole Terri Schiavo nightmare was just an elaborate April Fool's joke?

I was checking out some new websites, and I found Show Me Your Wound, a website that has pictures and stories about wounds, the ickier, the better. It reminded me of a time when Sir Mugley was a surgical technologist. One night when he was on call, the hospital called him and told him to come in for an emergency situation, and to bring his camera. An unusual request to be sure, but he did it. When he got home, I got the whole story. A farmer had been drilling new post holes for his fence, using a motorized augur. Sorry to say, his pants got caught in the augur, and by the time he got it shut down, this thing had skinned his thing. That's right. The surgeon wanted pictures during the operation, so he could present it at some conference or another. The amazing part to me was that the patient was taking it so well, joking with the surgeon, asking if he could add a few inches, etc. Anyway the surgery was a complete success, all parts in working order. When we got the pictures developed, they were fascinating. Sir Mugley decided to play a trick on my mother. He took the pictures over to her house, and asked her to identify the subject matter. She couldn't, but when she found out what it was, she was floored! I was worried that she would get angry, but no! She thought they were great. She did draw the line, however, at getting copies.

Well, this is certainly what I would call sick and wrong. A Canadian man was pulled over and arrested for drunk driving. On the way to the police station, this man vomited, urinated, and defecated in the back seat of the squad car. Upon arrival at the police station, and in an attempt to foil the breathalyzer, this idiot put a handful of feces in his mouth. It didn't work. He registered over twice the legal limit. (Let the gagging commence.)

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

A San Diego thief got a real surprise the other day when he attempted to rob a woman walking her dog. He grabbed a bag from her hands and started to flee, but he stopped to look in the bag. To his surprise, the thief had grabbed the bag of doggie doo the woman had collected on the walk. He unsuccessfully tried again to rob her, then tried to shoot Misty the dog twice, but the gun jammed. He escaped to steal poop another day. Better luck next time, moron.

Two skiers in the French Alps got more than they bargained for when they went skiing. They were stuck on the ski lift overnight when the staff shut off the machinery and went home. After spending the night in -4 degrees, they were taken to the hospital and treated for hypothermia.

A man in Salina, Kansas is very lucky, as well as very stupid. Michael Lewis was goofing off in his mother's back yard at 4:30 in the morning. He was using a pellet rifle, trying to shoot a .22 caliber bullet which was on the picnic table. The pellet from the rifle hit the bullet, which exploded, striking Mr. Lewis in the groin. He is in the KU Medical Center, because the bullet lodged very near some arteries and nerves. Amazingly, the police said there's no evidence alcohol was involved. I can't really come up with a good reason why you'd shoot at a bullet on a table at 4:30 in the morning, short of alcohol and/or drugs and/or a mental condition. Police are still working on the case, since Mr. Lewis is being uncooperative. Imagine that.

They are making a full length feature film off the television series "Dallas." I really like that idea, if they do it right. But they're starting off on the wrong foot if you ask me. The powers that be have decided to cast Catherine Zeta-Jones in the role of Pam Ewing. No no no. She's too glamorous for that role. You need someone a little less va-va-voom to play Pam. Someone like Melissa Gilbert. Well, maybe someone a little more intimidating, but not a total hottie. I better stop. I'm starting to sound a little gay. Anyhoo, who do you think should play the characters in the movie version of "Dallas"?

A Texas company is recalling about 727,000 candles because they can catch fire. No comment.

It's been a busy day in the Dead Pool realm. Johnnie Cochran died from an inoperable brain disorder today. The Pope may need a feeding tube inserted (keep Michael Schiavo away from him). And Jerry Falwell is back in the hospital having relapsed with the viral pneumonia he was fighting, and he's not doing so good. Points could be flying around the pool very soon indeed.

MSNBC Breaking News:

Federal appeals court grants Terri Schiavo's parents the right to seek rehearing -
A federal appeals court in Atlanta has granted Terri Schiavo's parents the right to file a petition for rehearing for an injunction that could allow their brain-damaged daughter's feeding tube to be reconnected.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Well the stage is set for the Final Four in St. Louis next weekend. I'm not going to root for any of the teams this time. Every time I've tried to cheer on a team, they have lost. I've never had that happen to such a degree as this before. Sir Mugley says North Carolina is going to win. Of course, he said that the day they announced who the participants were going to be. Just once, I'd love to see one of the really low ranked teams go all the way, or at least to the finals. That would be sweet!

Monday, March 28, 2005

Here's some tidbits from around the blogosphere:

Allan at Barking Moonbats reports on the most despicable, abhorrent blog I've ever seen in my life. I'm glad I don't have to answer for it.

Babalublog brings us an exclusive on the latest refugees to reach our shores. (Via Inoperable Terran).

It’s Carnival of the Dogs time again at Mickey’s Musings. They are so cute. If I didn’t already have two, I’d be tempted to get another. I know where there are several pups right now, but I’m not sure I’d want a Great Pyrenees. They’re gorgeous dogs, but all that hair! I’d have to brush it all the time. Of course, I could always take it for a ride instead of walk it.

Attention all Easter Egg'ers! If your plastic Easter Eggs, which you got from the Salvation Army Thrift Store, are filled with something other than candy, the Salvation Army wants them back!

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Not much going on in the world that's new and bizarre today. Everyone seems to be quietly observing the holiday or just taking a Sunday off. I had a very quiet day. I talked to both my kids today. They are all doing well, except my son is currently unemployed again. He's a certified framer, but the construction season isn't really in full swing in Oregon yet. My daughter's kids are all fully recovered from their various illnesses. Everyone had a good Easter. I only had one complaint today: my daughter didn't request an Easter cake for the kids. I guess she made her own. If she didn't make one for those babies, I'll have to go over there and kick some tail. It's a tradition in our family, and by George, she's not going to break it while I'm alive.

Looks like nothing is going to stop the death of Terri Schiavo. So what's next? Her husband wants her body cremated immediately. If that happens, a travesty will have taken place outside the death itself. The very least that should be done is an autopsy to try to find out why she became disabled in the first place. That could also answer a lot of the questions that have been circulating on the web. The state attorney general should also consider whether conspiracy to commit murder charges could be filed against the husband, his attorney and the judge that the attorney made a contribution to the day after his last decision. If that was a bribe it was the stupidest thing he could have done. If it wasn't a bribe, it was the stupidest thing he could have done. At any rate, there are too many strange incidents not to at the very least do an autopsy.

Denny over at GOC has a list of Things Women Say When Stressed At Work. Very funny, but language alert applies.

The cabinet ministers of Mauritania have voted themselves a 600% pay raise, in order to fight corruption. Yeah, right. The average citizen of that country makes about $40 a month. With the raise, each of the 26 ministers will now get over $3,000 a month. I'm so glad our foreign aid is helping this poor country. Just so you know, Mauritania votes against us in the United Nations only 87 per cent of the time. Naturally, we'll support their ministers' lifestyles. GRRR!

Here's a test for you to take just for the fun of it. It's called the Monday Test. I don't know why, I do know I got a perfect score (woo hoo!) Let me know what score you get.


Seriously, this is the REAL reason to celebrate today. Happy Easter to everyone who reads this, whether they believe in the resurrection of Jesus Christ or not. God loves us all, no matter who we are or what we do. That's the beauty of it. That's why He is God, and we are not.

You need to check out Julie with a B today. She has posted some extremely bad Bible puns, in honor of Purim. They're great! as Tony the Tiger would say.

Saturday, March 26, 2005

Here's the perfect gift for the geek in all of us who enjoy candy: An MP3 player that looks just like a Pez dispenser. It won't hold any of the candy, but it will have a 512 megabyte capacity and an LCD screen, and any Pez "head" will fit the device. They're expecting the player to cost around $129.00, so save up your pennies, gang. They should be available this summer.

Today's must read: CodeBlueBlog. This blog is written by a doctor, and he gives extensive, detailed explanations on what is really going on with Terri Schiavo. It would be really hard to argue with the man, his evidence is that good. Not that anybody will listen...

Wizbang has a great link at this site. A peregrine falcon has set up house on top of a high-rise building in New Hampshire. The New Hampshire Audubon Society has set up a couple of cameras near the nest, and is providing a live internet feed 24/7. Go on and check it out. There's an egg in the nest, so maybe someone will get to see it hatch!

Friday, March 25, 2005

I love the people at Wham-O. They created all the great stuff of my childhood: Frisbees, Superballs, and Hula Hoops. Now they've gone above and beyond the call. Wham-O has just come out with a machine that lets you make your own Peeps. This could cost me at least 25 pounds if I permit myself to buy one.

The Utah Department of Transportation was doing its regular avalanche prevention program which entails firing a howitzer to set off a snowslide before it gets dangerous. But is the cure worse than the problem it's curing? One of the howitzer shells overshot the mountain, and landed in a Provo Valley family's back yard. Fortunately no one was outside when the round detonated. According to the DOT, the rounds are to be fired using 5 bags of powder, and all were except for one, which utilized 7 bags of powder, causing the trajectory to change. I tell ya, if it had been my back yard, the trajectory they would be worried about wouldn't be the gun, it would be the trajectory of my boot to their butts. At least they admit they made a mistake. Something that's rarely heard these days.

Two of television's legends have passed away. Don Durant, who played the starring role in the western "Johnny Ringo", died on March 15 of leukemia. He was 72. And Paul Henning, best known for creating the classic "Beverly Hillbillies", died Friday of natural causes at the ripe old age of 93. What's really weird about this is they both wrote the theme songs to their respective shows. Coincidence? or Conspiracy? Who knows. Just kidding.

I heard a song tonight I haven’t heard in years and years. Remember the TV show “Here Come the Brides”? I was madly in love with Bobby Sherman when everyone else loved David Cassidy, and Bobby Sherman was on that show. He sang the theme song, “Seattle”. I heard it tonight. It was like traveling back 30 years in time. I tell ya, the trip was exhausting, but also exhilarating. It reminded me of all the “hopes and dreams” I had back then. I wonder what ever happened to that girl.

I wasn't going to write any more about Terri Schiavo, but I've got just a little more to say. I have read both sides of the story now. I have listened to the recording of Terri's father talking to her, and heard her responding. I have sat back and watched as the courts turn a blind eye to this family's plight. And I have been amazed that she is still not being fed. I am crying right now, because this is impacting my life that much. Terri Schiavo is alive, she can see, she can move a little, she can make sounds. She.Can.Be.Taught.Again. There is not a reason on God's green Earth that Florida's Adult Protective Services can't go in there and put her in protective custody. Governor Bush even quoted the number of the state statute which gave them the authority to do just that. Why haven't they done so? Why are they all just sitting on their hands, waiting for her to die? This is maddening! And since this is my way of venting, other than throwing things at Sir Mugley, who is just as frustrated as I, you can read this or don't. It doesn't matter. But it helps me get it off my chest. If I ever, EVER! were to be in that situation, God forbid, don't even think about pulling the tube. I'll haunt you until the end of time. As long as you believe in God and His power, there is hope. And if there is hope, you cannot pull the plug. Now, if my family reads this, they will all see how I feel. Sir Mugley knows these things as well. God love you, Terri. I'm sorry you have to go through this. Just know somebody does care. I'd help you if I could.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

If the urge strikes to rob a convenience store, do not try it in Bismarck, North Dakota. You could get seriously injured.
Crystal Senger stopped at a convenience store to buy pop and cigarettes, and she saw the clerk being choked in a robbery attempt. She ran to call for help. Then she started throwing bananas.

"I was seven-for-seven," Senger said in a telephone interview Thursday. "They were green bananas — not the ripe mushy ones — so they hurt."

Senger said the suspect, who police said was intoxicated, was stunned from getting hit by the flying fruit.
This woman was seriously lucky, considering the description of the robber:
Police said the suspect, who was not identified because of his age, stood more than 6 feet tall, and weighed about 300 pounds.

"He threw me around like I was nothing," said store clerk Ed Bingham, "and I weigh 220 pounds." Bingham said the suspect kicked and punched him for what "felt like forever."
On the other hand, maybe he was the lucky one:
Senger said the basket of bananas was the closest thing she could find. "If there would have been cans of soup on the counter, I would have thrown those at him," she said.

A woman bit into a 1 1/2 inch long finger segment while she was eating dinner at Wendy's in San Jose, California. No one at the restaurant was missing a digit, which apparently belonged to a woman with well manicured nails. The woman was quite distraught. If it had been me, I'd be grossed out as well. In the entire story, this was my favorite part:
Alexiou said the woman, who asked officials not to identify her, is at minimal risk of contracting illnesses from the finger because the chili was cooked.
Minimal risk of illness? Who are they kidding? This woman is going to need minimal therapy for her minimal trauma. Ack!

You Are 50% Redneck

You're just about as welcome up in town as a hair in a biscuit.
Ain't no hidin' your redneck roots!

How Redneck Are You?

Actor Barney Martin, best known for playing Morty Seinfeld, father of Jerry, in the long-running hit show, passed away Monday due to cancer. He was 82. R.I.P., Barney.

Actor Barney Martin, best known for playing Morty Seinfeld, father of Jerry, in the long-running hit show, passed away Monday due to cancer. He was 82. R.I.P., Barney.

Via e-mail:

A man was being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman hit the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection with him. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping the guy off in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'What Would Jesus Do" bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday School' bumper sticker and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car."

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Sir George over at Emperor Misha's site wrote a beautiful, deeply moving opinion post on Terri Schaivo's fate. It would be nice to be able to write that well. I wasn't going to write any more about Terri, as everyone else seems to be covering it very well. I do have one question, perhaps someone could answer: It has been reported that Terri is capable of eating normally, albeit soft foods like jello and perhaps applesauce. Could they not still feed her by hand, without the feeding tube? When they had in the past, she had no trouble swallowing the food. But in the past, her husband insisted they use the feeding tube. Surely it wouldn't be breaking the rules to try to feed her normally?

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

The Hildabeast strikes again, and with this new bill, she's gone totally off the deep end.
A bill proposed by Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-N.Y., would enable anyone to register to vote on election day and cast a ballot without a photo ID, proof of citizenship or other personal identification.
Is that amazing, or what? Just anyone could walk in, say "I want to vote" and they would allow it? I don't think so!
In a statement, Clinton said, "Voting is the most precious right of every citizen, and we have a moral obligation to ensure the integrity of our voting process.
If that's the case, why dismantle the entire process with your bill, Senator? It's not enough that the bill would allow anyone to register and vote on the same day, it also changes what would disqualify a voter from eligibility.
A third section adds, "The following shall not constitute a 'material omission or information that specifically affects the eligibility of the voter': (1) The failure to provide a Social Security number or driver's license number. (2) The failure to provide information concerning citizenship or age in a manner other than" a simple statement that one is a citizen.
So the application doesn't list a Social Security number, or driver's license number, or proof of citizenship or age. It would still be a legitimate registration under this ludicrous bill. If this passes Congress, our representatives in Washington should be impeached immediately.

I gotta tell ya, I'm feeling better today. I had a really rough weekend. I called in refills on my prescriptions last Tuesday, and asked them to mail the refills to my home. Lo and behold, on Thursday afternoon I still hadn't received them, which is unusual, so I called again. They forgot they were supposed to mail the drugs. So I didn't get them until Monday. By the time the weekend was over, I felt like a real pretzel. A pretzel in pain. So when I got my meds on Monday, I went ahead and took my pain meds. Last night was the best sleep I've had in several days. Tylenol just doesn't do the job on my pain. So the pain was causing tension, the muscle tension was causing more pain, etc., etc. Very unpleasant. But now, I'm back! I can walk without grunting and groaning. Although I am having other problems that may force me to go to the doctor again. But that's another story. For tonight, I'm feeling good.

A number of Primary Schools were doing a project on "The Sea." Kids were asked to draw pictures or write about their experiences. Teachers got together to compare the results and put together some of the comments that were funny and some that were sad. Here are some of them. The kids were all aged between 5 and 8 years.

This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)

Whales are animals, not fish. If they don't get air they can drown, like my brother did last summer. (David age 7)

Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)

If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea all round you, you are incontinent. (Wayne age 7)

I think sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)

A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of it's head. (Billy age 8)

My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs. (Millie age 6)

When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans. (William age 7)

I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 6)

I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mum, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy age 6)

Some fish are dangerous. Jelly fish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher age 7)

My mom has fish nets, but doesn't catch any fish (Laura age 5)

When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)

When me and Sarah went to the sea side in the summer holidays, we hid in the sand dunes and watched my big sister doing it with her boy friend. It was fun. (Lauren age 7)

A submarine goes under the water like a fish, but it has lots of seamen inside. (Emma age 5)

When I grow up, I want to be captain of a big ship, and have lots of sailors. (Valerie age 6)

Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky age 8)

On holiday my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water shot up her fanny. (Julie age 7)

This is great! An opportunity to see, first-hand, the complexity of separating conjoined quintuplets. You really must see this. The delicate work involved is amazing, and I'm sure the post-operative procedures are tricky. Plus, how do you get the goo off the surgical instruments?

In Council Bluffs, Iowa, an Easter Bunny in a local mall was arrested for harrassment of two fellow employees. Gee, you just can't trust anybunny any more.

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the United States and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own.

The old farmer smiled and said," Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the "Three Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What is the Three Kick Rule?"

The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, Now it's my turn."

[I love this part....]

The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee."

The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up." He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.

The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of animal to splatter everywhere, then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Me want coffee."

The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"

The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me training for upper management position: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day.

I got a few new jokes for you all. Try this one to get you started:

A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!"
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."
8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"
10. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
12. "God, now I know why I am not gay."

And the best one of them all....
13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"

Monday, March 21, 2005

I almost forgot. Wolf over at Pack News has a really good post on St. Patrick, the person, not the day. Give it a read. It's pretty good for a kid who wasn't raised Catholic. Love ya, Wolfie!

I didn't believe this when I first read it. Via Laurence Simon, we find this paragraph in the Washington Post:
Secretary General Kofi Annan on Monday will propose establishing new rules for the use of military force, adopting a tough anti-terrorism treaty that would punish suicide bombers, and overhauling the United Nation's discredited human rights commission, according to a confidential draft of a report on U.N. reform.
Punish suicide bombers? What is he gonna do, glue 'em back together and make them stand in the corner?

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Did you watch that shark movie on CBS tonight? What a joke! There wasn't nearly enough shark action. And who would ever believe that a pasty redhead could spend two days on a Florida beach and not even get a little pink? If that were real, she'd look like a tomato. I did like the scene where the parasailer sort of flew into the shark's mouth. That was funny.

A true legend has passed away. John DeLorean, probably most well-known for the futuristic DeLorean automobile, died as a result of a stroke. He was 80 years old. In my opinion, though, he should be revered as the creator of one of the greatest muscle cars in the world, the Pontiac GTO. Yes, he created the "goat", as car lovers know it. He also held the patents on the recessed windshield wiper, and the overhead cam engine. Designers like him don't come along very often.

Saturday, March 19, 2005

There's tragedy abounding in Australia tonight. A major hospital is about to close.
A lack of funds has forced Australia's only frog hospital and disease surveillance group to shut its doors after six-and-a-half years of operation.
Can you believe it? Those poor, poor little froggies!
Public donations for the hospital and its larger entity, the Frog Decline Reversal Project (FDRP), have been minimal.

Ms Pergolotti says she believes this is because people view frogs as being "too far down the chain".

"So they'll help a baby bird or they'll help a wallaby hit by a car but when it comes down to an injured snake on a road or a sick frog that's below the line," she said.
You know, she's got me there. If I were to hit a dog or cat on the road, I'd be devastated, but if I ran over a snake or two, I'd probably want to celebrate. Same goes for a frog. I don't know why. I figure they're taking their own lives into their hands(?) when they try to cross the road. Dogs and cats are probably just trying to get home. I am such a sap!

I've heard of people getting into a rhubarb, but this is ridiculous. A 50 year-old woman in England was convicted of beating her 72 year-old brother with her prize-winning rhubarb.
Margaret — who has won awards for her giant rhubarb in local shows — left William with smarting eyes, double vision and needing painkillers.
That poor man. How do you explain that to your friends without them laughing at you?

You Are 60% Normal(Really Normal)

Otherwise known as the normal amount of normal
You're like most people most of the time
But you've got those quirks that make you endearing
You're unique, yes... but not frighteningly so!

How Normal Are You?

It seems the end is near. A judge in Florida defied the U.S. Congress and allowed Terri Schiavo's feeding tube to be removed. I understand he's being held in contempt of Congress. That's fine. I certainly hold him in contempt. What I don't understand is: what is in it for Michael Schiavo? Does she have a monster insurance policy? If so, doesn't pulling the feeding tube constitute "other than natural causes", thereby negating the payment of benefits? A man offered him a million dollars to sign guardianship over to her parents, but he declined. He hasn't let her be treated in physical therapy, barely let her be treated with antibiotics when she became ill. Permits very few people to see her. Does he get off on her torture? Has 15 years become enough, now he can move on and torture someone else? I just don't get it. If she dies because of this (I'm still holding out hope the feeding tube is replaced), I pray he will be haunted by his actions for the rest of his natural life. And that goes for the judge as well.

Friday, March 18, 2005

I feel like I've been glued to this computer for the past week practically non-stop. I should finish up his research research tomorrow. What timing! Next week is spring break. I could have taken my time, but NO! Not me! Anyway, as soon as I transfer the pricing data for 70 more cities to the forms and calculate the averages, I will be done. Then he can print it and do as he likes with it. But if I find it in the trash, I'm gonna make him eat it! (Can you tell I'm a little tired and I think I'm permanently attached to this thing. No more blogging tonight. I'll write tomorrow. I've gotta rest.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Okay, after that rant I need to calm down. I dedicate this joke to Wolf over at Pack News. He was blessed with my sense of humor. Or should that be cursed?

A Gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and was o n the verge of being burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to change careers and become a mechanic.

He found out from the local technical college what was involved, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time for the practical exam approached, the Gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill.

When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there had been an error which needed adjusting."

The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark."

The instructor went on to say, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it through the muffler."

I voted for Matt Blunt for Governor of our state. I thought he'd do a better job than his opponent. And he has, until now. Now, he's getting carried away:
Republican senators say Gov. Matt Blunt's plan to remove more than 100,000 people from Medicaid is an intermediate step to revamping what they call a bloated and broken government health care system for the poor. Democrats labored into early Tuesday morning to delay a vote on a bill that would enable much of the governor's plan. Republican legislative leaders planned to resume debate later Tuesday and bring the bill to a vote.
He doesn't even want to wait for the report from the commission put together to study the Medicaid problem. I have a real problem with what he's trying to do. I'm sure there are a lot of people who don't really need to be on Medicaid. They could perhaps set up an intermediate program to wean them off the dole and back into productive society. However, there are a lot of people who desperately need what Medicaid provides for them. And they may lose their benefits.
Among other things, the bill would authorize a reduction in the eligibility threshold for the disabled and elderly, currently set at the federal poverty level of $9,570 for an individual. Blunt's plan would cut that maximum income threshold to about $7,082 annually; a House appropriations committee endorsed a plan that would set the threshold at $8,135 per year.
Do you realize what this means? A person making 7,082 dollars a year -- that's only $590 a month, people! I get more than that on my Social Security Disability check (not a lot more, but more). I could conceivably lose my Medicaid. That would force me to pay for my doctor's visits, my medications, my therapy. When the time comes I need a wheelchair, I'm on my own. Do you know how much it costs for oxygen therapy? Minimum of $300.00 a month. Plus supplies. Plus my three medications I have to take. Plus weekly therapy visits and a trip to the doctor's office every three months, or when I get sick, whichever comes first. I'd like to see his plan for me to be able to pay that!

This is Trucker. I wrote about him last night. This link will bring you the latest on his story. Apparently the guy that nailed him wasn't his owner. The police have turned over all the evidence they have to the Prosecutor's office. We'll have to wait and see what they're gonna do.

What a strange day Wednesday was! I spent the entire day working on Sir Mugley's research project, forgot to get anything out of the freezer for dinner, was forced to eat frozen pizza, and while dinner was baking, found out he had a big problem with his homework. His computer ate it. Last week when his computer crashed, he lost the rough draft of a paper that was due on Thursday. He tells me this on Wednesday evening. He hasn't even started the rewrite yet. I could have killed him. But, being the benevolent doormat that I am, I smiled and told him to give it to me and I'd type it for him. Turned out to be 10 pages long, with two pages of references, all to be typed in the APA Format, which is stupid in and of itself. I got the blessed thing finished at 12:30 am (!), then found out my printer was out of ink. When I refilled the cartridge, it started leaking. So I had to email the paper to his computer (since mine won't accept his printer), so he could print it.

What fun!! And all this after the various court bulletins on today. You know, if I were to ever kill someone, I'd almost have to do it in California. OJ got off there when they had all but a signed confession. Scott Peterson was given the death penalty, when the case against him wasn't all that airtight. And Robert Blake gets off scott free after asking everyone in southern California to kill his wife for him. Like I said, if I do kill someone, I want my trial in California. If I'm innocent, I'd like it anywhere else.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

This story just broke my heart tonight. Trucker, a sweet little blue heeler dog, was rescued from his abusive owner by police. The monster who had Trucker was hammering nails into the dog's head. This just made me sick. After surgery, which entailed removing nails from the dog's skull and cheekbone, doctors say Trucker will be permanently blind in one eye and deaf for the rest of his life. My family knows how passionate I am about dogs being abused. Well, any animal really. (For the record, I don't consider eating animals abusive.)

Just an additional nauseating detail in the story: the owner will probably not be charged with anything, due to his "mental state". At least he won't get the dog back. The CARE shelter who has Trucker will be taking applications for a new home for him. To show you the love that dogs can give, Trucker holds no grudge. A lot of dogs would be skittish around people; not Trucker. He'll give you some lovin' anytime. Just thinking about what he went through brings on the RCOB for me. I'd like to have just five minutes with that guy, and a few nails. Let's see how he likes it!

I was just looking over my weekly SiteMeter report, and I gotta say, there are some really sick puppies out there. The things they search for to do with grandma is pathetic, and a little frightening. I'm glad they're not my grandkids.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's time once again for that time-honored competition, the one we've all been waiting for, the Cheese Olympics, also known as the U.S. Championship Cheese Contest. Also, yummy. And it comes from critters, too. Take that, PETA!

Did everyone enjoy IEAPD this year? In case you forgot, that's International Eat an Animal for PETA Day. I surely did. I had a delicious cow sandwich for supper. Yum! I hope everybody participated. This is a cause we should all get behind.

This is the last one from my email. I think my sister has finally run out of material. Enjoy!

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back..or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few women who did...

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who work at the store. He asked if he
could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my Sister has never let me forget.

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my
daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.

Have you ever asked your child a particular question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. ! It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so, of course, I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then, I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?"

This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled, "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow -- but don't get any....a true story. We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

I really got a lot of good stuff in my emails today. Thanx sis.

A young woman was pulled over for speeding by an Illinois State Trooper. As the Officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the State Troopers Ball."

He replied, "Illinois State Troopers don't have balls." There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left.

She was laughing too hard to start her car.

Received via e-mail:

Why you never question a drunk

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: A half-gallon of 2% milk, A carton of eggs, A quart of orange juice, A head of romaine lettuce, A 2 lb. can of coffee, And a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, " 'Cause you're ugly."

The latest hero in Iran: Laleh Seddigh, Iran's best race car driver. Let's get some NASCAR scouts over there to check out her abilities, and give our guys a run for their money!

This is weird. A man was bitten on the arm by a tiger shark. That's not the weird part. The weird part is that he was in downtown Albuquerque, New Mexico when it
happened. I guess he just forgot what to do when you hear that cello music. BA-DA.... BAA-DAAA... BA BA BA BA BA ......CHOMP!!!

Rodger over at Curmudgeonly & Skeptical has some excellent advice on what to do with a bunch of bananas. Oh, behave!

It's here at last! The Blog Noir Chapter Six is up at Fistful of Fortnights. This is the last chapter of the story. I'm already looking forward to seeing what comes next from this talented group of bloggers.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

I'm having some template problems right now, as you can see. I'm doing what I can; please be patient with me.

The jury in the Robert Blake murder trial wrapped up their sixth day of deliberations today. What in the world are they waiting for? From all news reports on the trial, Blake asked everyone in the state of California to kill his wife. Are they waiting for the movie to come out? Or perhaps, they're waiting until the Jackson media blitz dies down so they can get some attention? Whatever their reasons, they should have been able to make a decision by now. Did they sleep through the trial and now have to read the transcripts? Good grief!

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inducted their latest additions Monday night. They were:
The O'Jays
Percy Sledge
The Pretenders
Buddy Guy
All good choices, in my opinion. My question would be, however, what took so long to get Buddy Guy in there? He's a fabulous blues man, and should have been in there years ago.

Monday, March 14, 2005

Right about this time of morning, six years ago, my mother passed away. She had been diagnosed with metastatic lung cancer in February that same year. She mercifully did not suffer with it for very long. R.I.P., Mom. I love you. Say hi to Dad, and give Jesus a big hug from all us kids. We'll see you soon.

Official Survivor

Congratulations! You scored 63%!
Whether through ferocity or quickness, you made it out. You made the right choice most of the time, but you probably screwed up somewhere. Nobody's perfect, at least you're alive.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 99% on survival points
Link: The Zombie Scenario Survivor Test written by ci8db4uok on Ok Cupid

Attention all American Idol fans. Mario Vazquez has dropped out of the competition, citing personal reasons. A.I. has decided to bring back Nikko Smith, son of former Cardinal's player Ozzie Smith, since he got more votes than Travis did last week. Oh, the drama!

Well, Condoleezza Rice has now broken my heart. She has said she is definitely not going to be running for President in 2008. How depressing. She is the one person I see, as of now, who could definitely beat the Hildabeast in an election. This will really force the Republican party to scramble to come up with a viable alternative. I only wish there was no need. Condi would have been a formidable President, yet I believe she would have been able to work with both sides of the aisle in accomplishing great things for our country. That's something Ms Clinton would never be able to do, no matter how much she pretends to be a moderate.

Okay, guys. The NCAA Tournament brackets have been announced. So who's going to win? Just leave your choice for who will win in the comments. If you want, you can leave it anonymously. I might be convinced to offer a prize if there are enough entries. We shall see. In case you haven't seen the brackets, you can click here for a printable pdf page. Of course, you'll need Adobe reader for that, but it's free. I'm too lazy o look up the link; just use your favorite search engine for "adobe reader". Good luck on your choice.

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Don't forget IEAPD (International Eat an Animal for PETA Day) March 15. C'mere, little critter...

Acidman's mother died early Saturday morning. Keep him in your prayers, and if you've a mind to, go over to Gutrumbles and express your condolences.

Pamibe is hosting this week's Carnival of the Recipes. Enjoy!

At the wedding today, I met up with a couple of friends I hadn't seen since I was a teenager. My dear friend Tim, who sang a duet with my niece at the wedding, was one of a close-knit group of teens, myself included, who sang and played music at church. Boy, has he changed! He was always a big guy, but he reminds me of John Goodman now. Except he's losing his hair. But I still recognized him. He was the first guy to ever kiss me. What a special memory. There we were, on the steps of the church, and he leaned over and gave me a little peck on the cheek. (sigh). Now we're both in our late forties. He's in the process of getting a divorce. I'm sorry for that. He was always just like a big cuddly bear.

Another old friend, J.D., was the son of the minister of our church back then. I didn't recognize him at all. My sister (the one that just got married) dated his younger brother back in the day. Now J.D. and his wife are attending the same church as my sissy. The world is such a small place.

I am soooo tired tonight. We went to Kansas City for my little sister's wedding. Man, it was beautiful! I'd heard of people "glowing", but I'd never seen it before. But she was glowing. The love she and her new husband Bill feel for each other is absolutely palpable. The flowers were beautiful, her daughter's singing was beautiful, her other daughter's violin playing was beautiful, her dress was beautiful. All in all, a beautiful ceremony. Anyway, I did 90% of the driving up and back, because Sir Mugley was studying for mid-terms this coming week. But on the way back, I was getting so tired, I couldn't keep my eyes open, so he took over about 30 minutes out from home. As soon as we got here, we gathered some junk food and went straight to bed. I zoned out for a couple of hours, and now I'm spending some quality time with you. But it's gonna be short, because I'm still sleepy!

Saturday, March 12, 2005

Okay, here's one of the latest quizzes out there. I came off pretty good on this one.

You Are Best Described By...

Meditative Rose
By Salvadore Dali

What Famous Work of Art Are You?

Friday, March 11, 2005

It's truly amazing what some people will do to try to get away with drunk driving. Via Sondra K, we find a man who tried the unthinkable, and failed, much to everyone's delight. Don't read this around mealtime, or you might lose your appetite.

Lest you think all my posts are about stupid men, here's a post about two very evil women. It’s horrible when the two women who should be the most diligent about your
safety and security are the same two women who kill you. A mother and grandmother of a 15 month old baby boy have been charged in this case, because the baby’s diaper rash was so extensive, he developed an infection that killed him. His three year old brother also had a rash, but it was not as bad. Frankly they should be locked away for a very long time. I can’t think of a single reason to let a child wear a full diaper for so long and so often as to cause a septic infection. And before you ask, yes he did have a father, but he is presently deployed with the Canadian Army.

It seems cliche to give your wife an expensive necklace to get out of trouble. But if that’s what you’re gonna do, for pity’s sake, make sure the engraved initials on the necklace are your wife’s initials, not your girlfriend’s. Unless you really have a death wish. Then go right ahead. It probably won't hurt for very long.

Here's another tip for you future robbers. If you’re going to rob a dormitory, make sure it’s not a Police
Academy dormitory
. You can bet he won’t do that again.

If you're going to rob a convenience store, your choice of mask is most important. For example, the robber in this case in Pennsylvania did not choose wisely:
Cranberry police said a clerk at Gordon's Mini Market burst into laughter when the person wearing a Pluto mask walked into the store about 9:45 p.m. Tuesday.

The clerk was laughing so hard he didn't comply with the robber's demand to turn over the cash register money — so the frustrated robber left the store, police said.
So, if you're going to commit a horrible crime, at least wear a horrible mask. Perhaps, Helen Thomas?

You Are Very Honest

You tell it like it is, no matter what.
Even if the truth hurts, you'll dish it out.
And while some may get hurt by your honesty...
At least everyone knows where you stand!

How Honest Are You?

Thursday, March 10, 2005

This brightened my day. I got new pictures of my Oregon angels. From left to right: Marcus, Austin, and Anthony. I can't wait to see them in June!

Ever wonder what those nasty germs that make you sick look like? Well, wonder no more. A business called Giant Microbes is making stuffed creatures that look just like the real thing, except they're stuffed and a gazillion times the size of the germ. You can get anything from a cold virus to HIV and the flesh-eating virus. Great gifts for the person who has contracted everything.

Hera are the stories I picked up for you last night, but didn't get the time to post. I'm putting them all together for your convenience.

Someone spent a lot of time out on a frozen lake in Germany, and carved a giant swastika in the ice. It couldn't be seen from the land, but planes landing and departing could see it plainly. This isn't the first time this has happened, and probably won't be the last.

The Arauca city police in Colombia have a policy that states, if you are involved in a motor vehicle accident, the modes of transportation must be impounded. That is why they locked up Pacho the Donkey. Pacho was involved in an accident with a motorcycle. The cyclist was severely injured.

This story from Oregon just creeps me out. A coach is under investigation for licking the bleeding wounds of the student athletes. That is so bizarre! Not only is he still the football coach, he's also a science teacher, and the dean of students. I guess they couldn't afford Dracula.

A six year old boy in Schaumberg, Illinois was suspended from school, because his mother refused to spank him. She had agreed to the school's corporal punishment rules when she enrolled him, but when it came right down to it, she wouldn't give the kid a swat for disrupting his classroom. Mom has now pulled him out of school totally, and plans to homeschool him. Good. Now she can't blame the school when he's screwed up.

A 13 year old Girl Scout was selling cookies without a license in New York, and she and her father got nailed for it. City officials are not happy, to say the least.

That's the roundup from yesterday. Sorry I was late getting it to you.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Can't really do any blogging tonight, gang. More research to do for Sir Mugley and I don't really have time for anything else. I'll try to get back with ya tomorrow. Lots of love to all my readers. Most of them are related to me, but if you're a loyal reader, I welcome you with open arms. Can you tell I'm stalling to keep from doing the research? Good!

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

I've just found another blog that you really should check out. It's called Basil's Blog, and it is just chock full of hilarity. I'm adding Basil to my blogroll, as I need more funny in my life. Most of us do. Here's a small example of what you can expect from Basil:

From ABC News:
Israel to Turn Over West Bank Town.
Palestinians will have to set it back upright to live there.

From CNN:
Scientists: Hidden Galaxies Spotted.
Original theory had them striped.

Go on over and check it out for yourself. You'll be glad you did.

Have you ever seen really good snow sculptures? We used to live next door to a man who built them every year. Mr. Matthews was a true artist. I remember vividly the time he sculpted Snoopy on his doghouse. He also sculpted full sized human beings. Anyway, the pictures are posted of the winning sculptures in the 2005 Snow Sculpture Championships. They are truly beautiful. It would be nice to have that kind of talent. Except I don't like being out in the snow that much. That could make it difficult.

As an amateur chess player, I followed closely the Bobby Fischer-Boris Spassky chess tournament back in the early 1970's. It was thrilling to see two such brilliant players compete. Remembering that, it breaks one's heart to see what has happened to Bobby Fischer. He's totally lost it. He can't come back to the U.S., because when he does he's going to jail. He's currently in jail in Japan, hoping to be allowed to move to Iceland. But right now the odds aren't looking so good. He was thrown into solitary confinement last Wednesday through Sunday, for brawling over a hard-boiled egg. That's just too sad. To go from worldwide accolades to fighting over an egg. Truly a shame.

A man in Bonner Springs, Kansas walked in to a store and asked for a free ink pen. When the manager wouldn't give him one, he threatened to blow up the store with dynamite. Then he tried to run over the manager in the store's parking lot. Do you think this guy is related to the two nutjobs who threatened to blow up the McDonald's because their order wasn't right?

How often do you think this happens? You're in Colorado, taking an avalance awareness class, and you get to see an avalanche, up close and personal?
One person died Sunday when an avalanche swept through a group of people taking an avalanche awareness class.
Now, I'd call that ironic, wouldn't you?

That Italian journalist (ha!) who claims the U.S. soldiers deliberately tried to kill her has gone totally off the deep end. Now she's claiming the car was shot at by a tank! Is there no end to this woman's imagination?

I got a call from my sister today. Her former brother-in-law is in the hospital in California, and he’s not expected to live more than 8 more weeks. He has cancer in his spine and it has spread to his lungs. This is rather heartbreaking for me. Of all the people in my sister’s ex-husband’s family, David was the “good” one. He has a wife and children, and is only 41 or 42. I pray he doesn’t suffer, but I also hope he hangs on until his family can get it together and get out there to see him.

I realize posting has been light the past couple of days. Sir Mugley is coming up on his mid-term exams, so he has several papers due in the next week. Since I’m his primary typist, I’ve been very busy. In my opinion, I should get an Associates Degree when he graduates in May.

This article may raise a few eyebrows, but I’m guessing it will raise even more hackles:
The head of the body charged with ensuring racial equality in Britain has suggested that black boys should sometimes be taught separately from white children in order to improve their school performance. Trevor Phillips, the chairman of the Commission for Racial Equality, said the measure could soon become necessary because of the continuing poor performance of male black pupils in GCSE examinations. But his comments are likely to be condemned by some as endorsing a form of segregation.

I realize this article is from England, but America does seem to be adopting European standards more and more often these days. Will there be an outcry? Does it matter that Trevor Phillips is a black man? I’d like your opinions here.

Ladies and gentlemen, today is a blue ribbon day in blogdom. The White House press room has made room for a blogger! Garrett Graff who writes a blog about the Washington news media, has been given credentials to attend daily press briefings in the White House. Way to go, Garrett!

UPDATE: Okay, the blue ribbon award has been recalled. I found out that Mr. Graff does have a website, but he's not what you'd call a regular blogger. Here's the difference, according to Steve at Hog on Ice:
The "blogger" is Garrett M. Graff, a 23-year-old employee of a company called Mediabistro.com. His official title is "editor." The "blog" is FishbowlDC, a site decorated with all the little corporate features sites like Yahoo have. A contact email address which doesn't go to the "blogger." A disclaimer. A copyright notice. A site map. The "blog" has no comments, and there are no trackbacks.
Hold on, there's more. By the time you finish this, you'll know the difference between a blog and a corporate website:
A blogger pays his own bills. A blogger has comments, if at all possible. A blogger does his own writing or chooses a few friends to help. A blogger has trackbacks. A blogger links to other REAL bloggers, not the mainstream dorks Graff links to.

A blogger is not an "editor." A blogger does not receive a salary, unless it's from a corporation he himself formed as a result of making money from a genuine blog. A blogger does not have interns. A blogger--most importantly--has NO ONE to answer to.
Steve is absolutely right. Now when the White House press office gives credentials to someone like the Powerline guys, or INDC Bill, or one of the guys at Wizbang, then we'll break out the party favors. Until then, we'll just keep plugging along, and watching the mainstream media die their slow death.

Monday, March 07, 2005

This week’s edition of Carnival of the Dogs is up and growling at Mickey's Musings. Don't forget to take your doggie treats. Gotta keep the little buggers happy, you know.

Julie has tracked down and posted the elusive Van Gogh family tree. You can see it at this link.

This is a panoramic view from the top of Mt. Everest. That’s a view most of us will never see. My thanks to whoever it was who invented the camera.

A legend in the film industry has passed on. Debra Hill, 54, succombed to cancer on Monday. She was best known for co-writing and producing the classic horror film "Halloween", and was also a producer on such movies as "Fisher King" (excellent movie), "Adventures in Babysitting", and "Gross Anatomy." She will be missed.

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Rocket Jones is our host for this week's Carnival of the Recipes, so when you visit, try not to drool on your keyboard.

I don't know about this; I always considered myself as having a more masculine outlook on the world. I like being a woman, but I like guy stuff, too. So I guess close to 50/50 is a good thing, right?

Your Brain is 53.33% Female, 46.67% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female
You are both sensitive and savvy
Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed
But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What Gender Is Your Brain?

Here's the latest meme, which I got from Acidman, who got it from someone else, who got it from... well, you know. Grab the book closest to you, turn to page 123, count down five sentences, then post the next three. Here goes:
Thanks to Walter's skill, he would be placed under El-i-chi's tutelage until Renno from his mission to England. Walter and Ba-lin-ta would continue to see each other every day, but the time they spent together would be limited.

A large fire was built in the pit outside the hut, and Ba-lin-ta was dispatched to the lodge of the Bear Clan to invite all members to a feast.
There you go. That was from The Renegade, by Donald Clayton Porter. Book II of the White Indian Series. Not exactly what you might expect a woman to read, is it? Well, I'm not a stereotypical woman, as anyone in my family would attest to.

I may have to rethink the previous post. This one is pretty funny, too.
A 14-year-old Newton male, in an attempt to blow up a stuff toy duck with gunpowder and firework in the backyard of his Meadowbrook Road residence, burned himself and had to be treated at Children's Hospital on Feb. 18.

Police reports describe the boy's face as red, "like a sunburn," after the accident and noted his hair was singed, although Sgt. Ken Dangelo said he does not believe the youth was admitted for his injuries.
Well, that's what happens when you leave 14 year old boys to their own devices, with gunpowder and fireworks. You've got to keep those stuffed ducks away from them.

This is the funniest thing I've read today. In England, if you want to shoot a bird, you have to try to scare it off first. I'm not kidding. If the bird isn't scared away, then you can shoot it. The way I see it, the only birds that are going to die are the deaf ones.

Markeeta Gould ran into a little problem in her town of Mansfield, Ohio. She made the horrible mistake of not paying her 2001 city income taxes, and was arrested in front of her children. They had to arrest her, you know, because she owed them the ungodly amount of 96 cents. Bloodsuckers.

Don't get me wrong. I believe if you owe taxes you should pay them. The biggest problem I have with this article came in the following excerpt:
But Finance Director Sandra Converse said the city has a mandatory income tax return filing requirement for working-age residents -- whether they earned income or not.
That's right. As long as your within their so-called working age, you have to file a form, whether you worked or not. Talk about big brother; this certainly sounds like it qualifies. But in their own defense, they made this statement:
"We don't know what people owe if they do not file," she said. "We wouldn't be doing our jobs if we didn't enforce this (filing rule). Sometimes people owe quite a bit of money and that's why they haven't filed."
Individuals who did not work "can file a zero return, telling us that they made nothing, that they did not work," Converse said.
Give me a freakin' break. Technically, I'm still at a working age, and I haven't worked since 1991. If I lived there, I'd still be filing their stupid tax forms, even though I haven't had to pay taxes for 14 years. There is something seriously wrong here.

Ladies and gentlemen, Blog Noir Chapter Five has come to life, thanks to Liv. I hope you're all keeping up with it. It's not easy to write a novel when each chapter is written by a different person. Don't forget to let them know how they're doing. If you were writing the story, you'd want some feedback.

Saturday, March 05, 2005

Late night talk show host Jay Leno is under a gag order by the court because he's on the witness list in the Michael Jackson trial. According to the court, he can still write jokes about the situation, but he can't tell them. So, until his lawyers can get him an exemption, he's having guest joketellers tell the Michael Jackson jokes for him. This is a great development for comedians across the country. Some of them are getting a shot at some face time on the Tonight Show. This could really be a boost to their careers. In the meantime, Jay Leno is getting a ton of publicity over the whole mess. I'd let him tell his jokes. They're not going to be any worse than the ones being told around the office watercoolers every day.

This story is absolutely sickening. A 16 year old expectant mother was taken into the Emergency Room with bruises all over her stomach and her twin babies (they called them fetuses) were dead. Police arrested her 18 year old boyfriend for murdering the babies. But the story doesn't end there. The 16 year old had been trying to kill the babies for weeks, but finally got her boyfriend to step on her to kill them. But she can't be prosecuted.
Although Mr. Flores faces prosecution, Miss Basoria can't be charged because the new law -- like many others across the nation -- bans prosecution of mothers on the grounds that they have a legal right to end pregnancies.
This is just wrong. Of course he should be prosecuted; his actions cost hose babies their lives. But she should also go to jail. She's the one who put out the "hit" on the babies in the first place. Just because she's the mother shouldn't give her the right to destroy them. Mr. Flores is facing capital murder charges; Basoria should be as well.

Oh my! The inimitable Frank J. and crew over at IMAO are in fine fettle today. Go on over and read everything! From Glenn Reynolds' Rehab Clinic to the Warranty Card for a military jet, they are on fire. Go on and leave a comment or two, and don't forget to tell them I sent ya. It could mean good karma for meee!

Today's tip for healthy living: Always look before answering the doorbell. It could be a wild moose.

This particular court case in California doesn't involve anyone I know, or any blogs I read, but it could have an effect on every blog on the Internet.
Three blogs which published sensitive information about upcoming Apple products could be made to disclose where the leaks came from.

A California judge said in a preliminary ruling that bloggers should not have the same protection afforded to journalists under US law.
If this holds true, every blog could be required to prove where they get their information, cannot claim the same privacy as a journalist if they are called into court, etc. This could seriously cramp the investigative blogging some people do so well. What blogger wants to write a story, then be called in to court to testify as to where they got their information? Of course, bloggers should not write anything that's not true. The only exception is the editorial/opinion piece, which is a person's thoughts, not necessarily facts. You know what I'm trying to say here. Words aren't flowing right now. All I'm saying is, slippery slope time, guys.

Nederland, Colorado is getting ready to celebrate Frozen Dead Guy Days, a hoot of a celebration honoring, you guessed it, a frozen dead guy.
"Grandpa" Bredo Morstoel, who died in 1989, was frozen by his grandson and stored in a shed in Nederland, a town 35 miles northwest of Denver that began celebrating "Frozen Dead Guy Days" in 2002 to increase tourism.
They've even invited the King and Queen of Norway to attend this year. Those wacky, wacky Coloradans!

This is incredible:
Police arrested an 8-year-old boy who allegedly had a violent outburst in school, head-butting his teacher and kicking an assistant principal, when he was told he couldn't go outside to play with other students.

The 4-foot pupil was led away from Rawls Byrd Elementary School in handcuffs Tuesday and charged with disorderly conduct and assault and battery.
I'll admit I don't know the whole story here. I'm sure it wasn't covered equally from both sides. However, I know in my heart that an 8 year old child does not need to be arrested and taken to jail in handcuffs; he needs a good spanking. Probably something he's never had in his entire life. This is what happens when you don't let kids play like kids and get out their aggression in games of cowboys and Indians, or cops and robbers, etc. And he probably has parents at home who subscribe to the "build up their self-esteem and never let them experience losing" mantra that so pervades the grade-school aged kids these days. There are no competitions because someone would have to lose, and you just can't have that, can you?

This kid needs strong parents and a good swat or five. Kids need to know there are limits in life that they cannot cross, and if they do they must suffer the consequences. This must be absolute. Kids who don't have boundaries are left floundering and will act out every time.

That's my opinion. You may not like it. But it's mine. Feel free to express yourself, keeping the language clean of course. Kids may read this website.

With all the overblown coverage of the Michael Jackson debacle, another trial is being overlooked. The jury in the Robert Blake case deliberated for about 90 minutes today, and will resume deliberations on Monday. How many of you remembered he was on trial?

Looks like Terri Schiavo might have a chance to live after all.
A Florida judge will hear arguments next week on whether the state's social services agency will be allowed to intervene in the Terri Schiavo case with an investigation of alleged abuse by her estranged husband.
If you don't know who Terri Schiavo is, you should be ashamed of yourself. Her husband has been trying to kill her legally for the past five years. Now her last chances to survive depend on the above-mentioned court case, and the fact that her parents are trying to annul her marriage. Her "husband" has been living with his "fiancee" for the past ten years, and has two children by her. He plans to marry her as soon as Terri dies.

Some people might compare this to the Nancy Cruzan case here in Missouri. I felt it was wrong to let her starve to death as well. But this isn't the same thing. Mrs. Schiavo isn't a vegetable. She responds to stimuli and recognizes people. And despite what some people might say, starvation is a horrible way to die. If they don't think so, let them fast for, say, three days and see how they feel. I've done it before, on more than one occasion, for religious reasons. Prayer is the only way to get through it. The hunger pangs can get to you. Now picture yourself as a person feeling those pangs, yet unable to reach out to get something to eat. Your mind wants to, but your body won't respond. That's Terri Schiavo. She's not on any machines to keep her alive. She just needs food and water. There is even a doctor who says he treats people in her condition successfully all the time. But her husband won't let her be treated.

Please pray for this family. And pray about her husband. He is in serious need of some humanity.

Friday, March 04, 2005

What Flavour Are You? Cor blimey, I taste like Tea.Cor blimey, I taste like Tea.

I am a subtle flavour, quiet and polite, gentle, almost ambient. My presence in crowds will often go unnoticed. Best not to spill me on your clothes though, I can leave a nasty stain. What Flavour Are You?

Here's a great way to kill some time and sharpen your memory at the same time. Take this Commonly Confused Words Test, and see how well you do with the English language. Here's my score:

You scored 100% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 100% Advanced, and 66% Expert!

You have an extremely good understanding of beginner, intermediate, and advanced level commonly confused English words, getting at least 75% of each of these three levels' questions correct. This is an exceptional score. Remember, these are commonly confused English words, which means most people don't use them properly. You got an extremely respectable score.
Okay, so I'm a little rusty, but in my own defense I haven't been in a classroom in more than 20 years. Man, now I really feel old!

Thanks to Robbo at Llama Butchers for the link.

Looks like trouble brewing in the good ole U.S. of A., and this time both sides of the political spectrum better work together or die an ugly death. The powers that be are thinking of expanding the McCain-Feingold debacle so that the political opinions expressed on the internet would be treated the same as print material or television programming.
Bradley Smith says that the freewheeling days of political blogging and online punditry are over. In just a few months, he warns, bloggers and news organizations could risk the wrath of the federal government if they improperly link to a campaign's Web site. Even forwarding a political candidate's press release to a mailing list, depending on the details, could be punished by fines.
It could even extend to posting an entry praising a candidate. They would try to determine how much that helped the politician, and you could be fined accordingly, if your post helped to raise more than the limits set by McCain-Feingold. You may ask, what makes Bradley Smith's opinions any better than anyone else? Bradley Smith is one of the six commissioners at the Federal Election Commission who are trying to unravel this mess. Of course, you can tell by his writing he's opposed to the expansion, but some of the commissioners are not. I say the Republicans and Democrats both have something to lose if this monstrosity is enacted. Please, contact your Congresscritters and let them know that this is not acceptable. The internet is one of the few places left where people can truly write what they feel, without the government telling them to stop. While you're at it, see what you can do about repealing McCain-Feingold. It never should have been signed into law in the first place. It is the epitome of a violation of the First Amendment, and must be stopped. One of our most basic freedoms is riding on this. Both sides of the aisle have a lot to lose. We should all work together to protect what is rightfully ours.

I had an interesting day today. Since it was payday (yeah, right. Social Security is such a big paycheck) my daughter drove me to town to make a deposit. Okay, I know I could get direct deposit, but I prefer feeling the check before it's gone. Anyway, we're almost to the bank, when her husband passes us headed toward their house. We both turn around and meet in a parking lot, where she finds her oldest boy in the truck with dad. He was unusually quiet for a first grader, and we soon found out why. According to the teacher, he was so engrossed in reading his book, he forgot(?) he had to go to the bathroom, and soiled himself. I felt so sorry for the kid, but at the same time I wanted to laugh so hard I almost cried. Is that wrong? I applaud the love of reading that my daughter's children are developing, but that's just a little too much love. I only hope the other kids aren't too mean to him. You know they will be. Kids can be so cruel.

In St. Petersburg, Florida, Shannon Scavotto was getting ready for work, and lifted the lid to his toilet to throw in some tissue. But the bowl wasn't empty.
Inside was a snake as thick as a child's wrist, its diamond-shaped head sticking 10 inches out of the toilet.
Out of consideration for his wife and three-year-old daughter, and the fact that he couldn't find anyone to help, he fashioned a noose and started to remove the snake from the toilet.
He fashioned a noose out of some PVC pipe and string and grabbed a dark green pillowcase. By now the snake had receded back into the bowels of the toilet. As Scavotto's wife, Beth, and 3-year-old, Ashlynd, looked on, the snake poked its head out again. Scavotto got the noose around its neck and pulled the string taut.

Then started pulling. And pulling. And pulling. And the snake kept coming.

"Get its tail into the pillowcase," he yelled to his wife.

"Where's the tail?" she asked.

Scavotto realized he had about 5 feet of snake and it was still coming.

He finally found the tail and bagged the six-foot snake, saving his family from the terror. My favorite part of the story was his conversation with his boss:
Scavotto called his boss to tell him he'd be late because he'd had to wrestle a snake out of his toilet. His boss joked he would need a better excuse than that.

Scavotto told him he'd bring it in so he could see it. And he did.
It turned out to be an African rock python. You should read this story in its entirety. It goes on to tell about some of the other creatures that have been caught coming up out of toilets, such as snakes, iguanas, and even a squirrel! Almost makes you think it would be safer to go back to using outhouses. You're more prepared to find weird things in there.

Thanks to Eric for the story.

Don't click on this link if you're eating, or planning to. This teacher has been charged with having relations with five of her students. How desperate were those kids? Couldn't they find a better looking teacher? Or pig? Sorry, but yikes! She's scary!

This is weird. A man and his wife in Norway were driving home, when a tank ran over their car.
"Then the tank drove up over the left side of the hood of the car and continued over the front window and roof, half a meter into the car. The tank driver clearly hadn't seen us. I leaned as far as I could into my wife while I felt the roof being pressed down into my left shoulder," Okkenhaug remembered.

"Then my left cheekbone was pressed against the roof and I shrunk down as far as I could. It was quite cramped and looking back it is incredible that I survived. I said a bad word when I understood the tank wasn't going to stop, when it was over me I can't remember what I thought," Okkenhaug said.
I doubt I'd be able to remember, either. Sheesh! Neither the man nor his wife was seriously injured. That's a miracle.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Well I see Mizz Mahtha got out of jail tonight. I'm sure she'll cherish the experiences she had in West Virginia, and will think back on those five months with fondness. Yeah, right. And if you look out the window, you'll see multi-colored pigs flying around the world.

This is outrageous! The New York Press has published a very un-funny article entitled, "The 52 Funniest Things About The Upcoming Death of The Pope". I'm not Catholic, and this offends me enormously. I started to read them, but never got past the first 10. Matt Taibbi should be ashamed of himself.

Here's an update to the story I did about the soldier whose home was being foreclosed by Wells Fargo Mortgage. Well, I guess they had enough bad publicity, as well as seeing the light in a legal sense. They have decided not to foreclose on their property after all. The Welter family will keep their house.

Did you see the final minutes of Fossett's flight into Salina, Kansas today? I never thought he'd make it that far. Last night he was debating whether to land in Hawaii due to a lack of fuel, then today he's landing on the Kansas runway cool as you please. That must have been an awesome tailwind he got last night!

Well, John Kerry is actually proposing some resolutions in the Senate. Unfortunately, they are not exactly what I would call a good idea:
As sponsor of a resolution that would have the Senate honor the late W.E.B. Du Bois, Kerry is promoting a man who was fervently anti-American, a member of the Soviet-dominated Communist Party, and twice ejected from the NAACP for his opposition to racial integration.

It would not be the first time a nation has honored Du Bois. According to Daniel J. Flynn, writing in Human Events, the Soviet Union awarded him the Lenin Peace Prize, and Maoist China staged a national holiday in his honor in 1959.
Why in the world should we honor someone with those credentials? But it seems he wasn't acting alone in proposing this resolution:
Kerry promoted his Senate resolution, co-sponsored by Democratic Senators Edward Kennedy (Mass.) and Carl Levin (Mich.), by declaring, "Dr. Du Bois taught us that the promise of freedom is honored through action."

The reality is far different. Du Bois renounced his American citizenship and joined the Communist Party. In writing longtime Communist Party U.S.A. Chairman Gus Hall in 1961, the reflexively anti-American intellectual called communism "the only way of human life” and predicted that the free market was "doomed to self-destruction."
Somehow I don't think the free market is even close to "self-destruction", do you? Want to know more about this pillar of the community John Kerry wants to honor?
Here's just a small part of Du Bois’ pro-Communist record, as reported by Human Events:

During the Korean war in 1950, in which 54,246 American service men and women would die, Du Bois said that "the North Koreans are fighting exactly the things for which Americans fought in 1776."

Three years later, he eulogized Soviet dictator Stalin - one of history's worst mass murderers - as a "great" and "courageous" man, "attacked and slandered as few men of power have been." In his posthumously published autobiography, he called the crackdown on religion behind the Iron Curtain "the greatest gift of the Russian Revolution to the modern world."

After a 1937 visit to Nazi Germany, he admitted that the Nazis had stamped out freedom, but nevertheless praised the Hitlerites for creating "a nation at work after a nightmare of unemployment; and the results of this work are shown not simply by private profits, but by houses for the poor; new roads; an end of strikes and labor troubles; widespread industrial and unemployment insurance; the guarding of public and private health; great celebrations, organizations for old and young, new songs, new ideals, a new state, a new race." He failed to mention concentration camps and the gas ovens that consumed millions. And while condemning anti-Semitism, Flynn noted, Du Bois called it "a reasoned prejudice" in Hitler's Germany.
Is this how John Kerry is planning to convince voters in 2008 that he's the right man for the job?

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