Day By Day© by Chris Muir.

Friday, June 30, 2006

This is so true, although I would have thought the number a little lower.
You Are 55% Normal

While some of your behavior is quite normal...
Other things you do are downright strange
You've got a little of your freak going on
But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself
How Normal Are You?

I swear I'm glad June is about over. It's been such a strange and stressful month. But it hasn't all been bad. Through circumstances that I'm not at liberty to discuss, my son and his family may be moving back to Missouri! I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Also, I actually won a contest and scored a couple of tickets to see the Springfield Cardinals play on the Fourth of July. Front row seats right beside the Cardinals dugout! That's gonna be a lot of fun. Here's hoping it doesn't get too hot.

That's it for tonight. See y'all tomorrow.

I don't care how deep a person sleeps, there are some things that are gonna wake you up.
Fateh Mohammad, a prison inmate in Pakistan, says he woke up last weekend with a glass lightbulb in his anus.
Tell me how you could sleep through that! But that's not all:
Mohammad, who is serving a four-year sentence for making liquor, prohibited for Muslims, said he was shocked when he was first told the cause of his discomfort. He swears he didn't know the bulb was there.
Oh, Come On!!

Has anyone seen the video of President Bush and Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi singing together? I haven't seen it, but the description seems just a little, ya know, frightening.

Sometimes in the law enforcement world, it just isn't enough to catch the bad guys. You have to do it before the clock runs out.
A federal judge has thrown out a case against two former Merriam residents who were fugitives for more than 14 years, saying the men's right to a speedy trial had been violated.
I guess they should have hired Jack Bauer to hunt them down.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

How about a nice Twinkie lasagna? Italians all over the world are crying out in abject horror.

Click here, and have a tissue handy. You'll probably need it.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

I know it's been kinda somber around the blog lately, and today's not going to change that at all. These things seem to run in strings, don't they? I've got two more sad tales for y'all, and that will be it for tonight.

Little Eddie, that adorable Jack Russell terrier from Frasier, passed away at the ripe old age of 16. He was so cute. Moose, the dog who played Eddie, was replaced by his son in the latter years of the show.

A sadder note than that to be told, however. Rob Smith, AKA Acidman, from Gut Rumbles, was found dead in his home over the weekend. He'd been having some serious health problems since completing rehab, but it was thought he was improving. He leaves a grown daughter, Sam, and a young son Quentin, who lives with his mother. Rob was also survived by his grandmother. Rob was one of the first bloggers I read with regularity. It was his blog which made me realize I could write anything on my mind, and not be worried about hurting feelings. He always said what was on his mind, and frequently it was on the controversial side. But he never, ever, was malicious toward anyone other than his ex-wife, for reasons he spelled out frequently. Rob will be missed in the blogosphere.

Monday, June 26, 2006

This week we have the "Roadtrip" edition of the Carnival of Recipes, hosted by Booklore. Good ideas for traveling.

Now you can take your favorite baseball team to the grave with you.
Eternal Image Inc., which makes customized caskets and urns, said on Friday it has signed a multiyear licensing agreement with Major League Baseball that allows the company to reproduce the names and logos of all 30 league teams on a new line of caskets and urns.
I wonder which logo will be requested the most often.

Bloggers love contests. Face it, we all love it when we're nominated for a Best Blogger-type of award, right? Well, there are a lot of other votes that are just as important. The nominations for the 2006 Mascot Hall of Fame have been announced, and it's time to vote. So I want everyone who reads this blog (both of you) to click on the link and vote for KC Wolf. He's the grand daddy of mascots and should have already been installed in the Hall of Fame. Let's not let this travesty of justice go on for another year. Go Vote Now.

Billy the Goat was a bad, bad, boy.
A British army regiment's ceremonial pet goat was demoted in disgrace after it marched out of line before a host of dignitaries during a parade to mark Queen Elizabeth II's birthday, a military spokesman said Saturday.
How dare a goat upstage the soldiers that way. It's a disgrace, I tell ya. But there's more:
Lance Cpl. Dai Davies, 22, the goat's handler, was unable to keep control during the June 16 march. The mascot darted from side to side, throwing soldiers off their stride, Capt. Crispian Coates, a spokesman, said by telephone from the base in Cyprus.

Capt. William Rose, a soldier present at the parade, said the goat "was trying to head-butt the waist and nether regions of the drummers."
So the goat was acting like a goat, and now he's a lowly private. Ah, such is the life of a "soldier"?

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Not gonna blog tonight, gang. A very dear man passed away, and I'm too down to deal with the news. The last time I went to Arkansas to visit family, I had such a wonderful time, and it was mostly with his family. He was my father's cousin. His daughter Bonita was about my age. Now they're both gone. It brought back memories of Uncle Henry and "Aint" Marie' house: the wonderful foods, the feather beds, the springhouse. Then over to Waymon's where we could swim in the Buffalo River, since it ran through his property. Such glorious memories. I'll see you tomorrow.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Pets can be a real blessing at times. But once in a while, they can really cost you a lot.
According to Clark County fire investigators, the homeowners had left a box of doughnuts on the stove on Sunday. The dog jumped up onto the stove to get to the doughnuts and accidentally flipped on a burner.
I'll bet the family had no idea they had a police dog.

Nobody was injured, but the damages totalled about $75,000. That's really ruff (sorry).

I can't say this really surprises me. My daughter asked me to give my granddaughters some "lady" lessons!
You Are 68% Lady

Overall, you are a refined lady with excellent manners.
But you also know when to relax and not get too serious about etiquette
Are You A Lady?

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

I'm seriously thinking that the Presbyterian Church has gone off the deep end. For thousands of years, Protestant and Catholic churches alike have worshipped the Trinity: Father, Son and Holy Spirit, three-in-one. No problem. Suddenly, the powers-that-think-they-be feel that should be changed. So any Presbyterian churches who so desire, can change Father, Son and Holy Spirit, to Mother, Child, and Womb. How in Heaven can they do that? It totally leaves God out of the equation. Plus, it sounds stupid. Why would anyone want to worship that trio? Womb?? Come on, people.

You know, there are some people who are just too stoopid to be left to their own resources. This man is a perfect example. Frankly, with all that's going on in this world, for him to pull such a stunt deserves a firing squad. I'm sure everyone who was at the airport would volunteer.

I don't know why I can't find a useful dog like this one. My beagle wouldn't save my life unless I paid him in meat. In advance.

Oh, wow! The bears found out where Goldilocks lives, and they're getting even. She better hope he doesn't decide to take a nap, too. The bed might not survive.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Well it was a slow weekend. Not much going on in the news, except Phil Michelson crashing and burning on the last hole of the Open yesterday. Even the NASCAR race was shortened by rain. Sir Mugley had a quiet day, sleeping late and reading a novel instead of a textbook. I fixed one of his favorite dinners last night: roast beef with carrots and potatoes. He really loves it. I'm surprised he hasn't remembered there's more in the fridge!

Anyway, since there's not a lot of news (I haven't started my rounds yet), here's a quick joke for ya:
A guy walks into the local welfare office for his monthly check. He marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi. You know, I just HATE coming in here drawing welfare month after month. I'd really much rather have a job."

The worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We've just obtained a job opening from a very wealthy old man who needs a combination chauffeur/bodyguard to drive his nymphomaniac daughter. You'll be required to drive his Mercedes, and he'll supply all of the necessary clothes. Because of the long hours, all your meals will be provided. In addition, you will be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. A two-bedroom apartment above the garage comes with the position. The starting salary is $200,000 a year."

The guy says, "You're kidding me!"

The social worker says, "Yeah, well, you started it."

Here's this week's Carnival of Recipes, dedicated to Father's Day. I guess we can give good ole Dad another day, right? Anyway, this week the host is World Famous Recipes. Check it out, okay?

Sunday, June 18, 2006

I've got to take a minute and express some deep feelings here, so if you're not a relative and don't want to read this, that's okay. Today's Father's Day, and it brings my dad to the minds of my entire family. That's a wonderful thing. Dad and Mom raised us not as a blended family, but as a close and loving family. That has outlived both of them. As far as I'm concerned, it will never die.

I've gone through some difficult times the past few days, and my family has banded together to bail me out financially when they didn't have to. After all, a telephone isn't like housing or food, is it? But they didn't want me to be without a connection to the outside world, and together they decided to pay a very overdue telephone bill.

How do I tell them how much I love them? I can't do it with gifts, nor can I travel to visit them as much as I'd like. But what I can do is tell the world (at least the world that reads this blog) that I love them with a depth of love that only God can provide. I would die for any one of them. I think they should know that. My family has been, is, and always will be second in my life only to God. By family I mean my siblings, my husband, my children and grandchildren. They are my reason to keep hanging in and not cave to illness or despair. I can never repay that.

To Jerry, Judy, Elaine and Brenda, and their spouses, I say: I Love You All. Have a wonderful Father's Day. Dad would be so proud of how we kept it together.

If I could nominate a Bonehead of the Day, it would be the person who wrote this editorial in the LA Times. He or she feels the misspent FEMA debit card flap is unfair... to the people who misspent the money.
Example #1: FEMA did mismanage Katrina relief, but it's wrong to blame victims for spending irresponsibly.

Example #2: ...although FEMA's oversight was lacking, wasted money is an inevitable byproduct of providing rapid emergency assistance.
Heaven protect us from people like this. Nobody forced those recipients to spend money on crap. Nobody is to blame for fraud but the person committing said fraud. Sure, FEMA has problems, but this wasn't one of them.

TV Squad gives us their list of the five best TV dads. I can't say I agree with them on their list, though. Here's mine, not necessarily in this order:
1. Cliff Huxtable - Cosby Show
2. Jim Anderson - Father Knows Best
3. Ward Cleaver - Leave it to Beaver
4. John Walton - The Waltons
5. Charles Ingalls - Little House on the Prairie
One thing these men all had in common was their love for their children. Everything they did was to support, teach, and encourage them to become great adults. All fathers should be this way. I know mine was.

TV Squad gives us their list of the five best TV dads. I can't say I agree with them on their list, though. Here's mine, not necessarily in this order:
1. Cliff Huxtable - Cosby Show
2. Jim Anderson - Father Knows Best
3. Ward Cleaver - Leave it to Beaver
4. John Walton - The Waltons
5. Charles Ingalls - Little House on the Prairie
One thing these men all had in common was their love for their children. Everything they did was to support, teach, and encourage them to become great adults. All fathers should be this way. I know mine was.

Alrighty, this is not my idea of being a good example to our youth.
AMARILLO, Texas - Caitlin Campbell couldn't spell collyrium but someone couldn't spell her last name. A billboard went up in this Panhandle city to honor Caitlin's eighth-place finish in the national spelling bee. It reads: "Congratulations! Caitlin Cambell for making Amarillo proud."
Pitiful. It's not like she had a hard name to spell, either.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

All right, here's my serious post for today. All you ladies out there, and you gents who have female loved ones, listen up. Merck Pharmaceuticals has decided that for each bracelet kit that is ordered from here, and it is free (no shipping), they will donate $1.00 to cervical cancer research. That's a deal no one should pass up. They are donating up to $100,000. Let's take them at their word and order those kits.

People who know me and are willing to acknowledge it will tell you that I can't stand it when I find a typo in something I'm reading. If I'm deep in a book and find one, it will wreck the story for me. But on occasion, they are very funny. For example, this paragraph in an e-mail I received on the upcoming "24" movie:
Variety reports that Joel Surnow and Robert Cochran have made a deal to write the script for a feature film adaptation of "24," which would begin hooting next spring or summer. No talent has yet been signed, but apparently Kiefer Sutherland has expressed enthusiasm for doing a "24" movie.
Sir Mugley thought I'd lost it when I started laughing at that one. Let's all keep our ears open for those "hoots" now.

A-HA! I thought so!
You Are 16% Sociopath

You're empathetic, loyal, and introspective.
In other words, there's no way you're a sociopath... but you can spot one pretty easily!
Are You A Sociopath?

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started. During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.
Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.
No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he makes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy: a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents' house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents,come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer with his head down. Ten minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious." The boy turns and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

Friday, June 16, 2006

I realize when passions are involved, rhetoric can get heated. People can say things that others will take out of context, or completely misunderstand. However, sometimes people go way, way over the line. This can happen to folks on both sides of the aisle, but as the years go by, you can't help but see it happen more often on the liberal side. I know liberals don't like Karl Rove, but a blogger named Larry Johnson, who writes a blog called No Quarter and supposedly worked many years for our government in various positions, has no concept of how rabid he has become in his hatred of Rove. You'd have to be rabid to write this kind of garbage. How could you respect anyone who would write something like this?
Karl is a shameless bastard. This could explain why his mother killed herself. Once she discovered what a despicable soul she had spawned she apparently saw no other way out.
Can you believe it? There is no excuse for that kind of inflammatory schlock. If you read the comments, you'll see he has a flock of followers going down the same disgusting gutter he's in. This kind of thing is what's keeping the Democrats out of power. You might want to vote for a Democrat who is responsible (I know there are some, because I have met them), but if you do, the Democrats could wind up with a majority in Congress, and their leaders are almost as rabid as Johnson. Then we'd really be in a world of hurt. So you wind up voting for someone not quite as good, just to keep the mad dogs out of power. That's no way to run our country. That's my opinion, feel free to express yours. Please keep in mind, my children read this blog. Do keep it civil.

Our local NBC affiliate in Springfield, Missouri has their very own political blog. They are going to closely follow the area elections, and so far they are being extremely fair with their coverage. Click here to see the latest on the battle between incumbent Senator Jim Talent, and Democratic candidate Claire McCaskill. It looks like it's gonna be a long summer, folks.

Since Zarkawi was killed by a half-ton of righteousness, U.S. and Iraqi forces have conducted 452 raids, captured more than 700 "insurgents", and confiscated a whole lot of their documents, battle plans, etc. Among the information found was a memo from Zarkawi to Security Advisor Moufawak al-Rubaie. Click the link to read the document. It contradicts everything coming out of the mouths of the naysayers in Congress who think we're losing the war. They should choke on their words. Do take note of the parts of the document where they were planning to distract us by getting us involved in a war elsewhere. Sounds familiar, no?

Here's a good update to the story I did yesterday about the man who was opening a memorial to Hitler. He's agreed not to go through with it. Let's hope he never changes his mind again.

This story depresses me in ways too horrible to comprehend.
Rapper Eminem has signed on to return to the big screen in a modernized version of the 1960's western Have Gun, Will Travel.
See what I mean? How could that wannabe actor actually think he could fill the shoes of Richard Boone? AAACKK!

Here's a little something they don't teach you in bad guy school, so I'm giving it to you for free: If you get in a fight with a cop, and you decide to bite him, first make sure you're wearing your teeth.

There's a Detroit law enforcement officer who's giving his supervisors a serious listening-to these days.
A suburban police officer left a submachine gun in his unmarked vehicle while he attended a baseball game downtown, and returned to find it stolen, police said Thursday.
Oops. Well, at least the Tigers won their game Wednesday night.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

AFI presented their 100 Years, 100 Cheers list tonight. It's a fairly good list, but I think they overlooked a few movies:
1. "Jaws" - This is a classic movie with a good message. No matter how afraid the chief of police was, he went out on that boat and saved the community from the shark.

2. "Godzilla" - Come on. Have you ever seen a monster like him? He never gave up. King Kong was killed, but not Godzilla. He came back at least a half dozen times. A true example of persistence.

3. "The Great Escape" - Excellent movie about giving your all, even though you're outnumbered. Steve McQueen was never successful, but he kept trying. Another excellent example of courage in the face of greater numbers would be "Battle of the Bulge".

4. "The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman" - I know this is a TV movie, but it's still a marvelous movie. And more than worthy of this list. Cicely Tyson deserved every acolade she received. I loved the last scene, when she slowly worked her way to the "Whites Only" water fountain, in front of the cops, and took a long, cool drink. True class.

5. "The Passion of the Christ" - This was the definitive movie on Christianity, and should not have been left off the list.
So what do you think? Are there other movies that should have been on the list? Let me know.

If you want to be elected to a southern judgeship, it's not wise to expose yourself as a racist.
The leaders of the state's Democratic and Republican parties have asked voters not to cast ballots for state Supreme Court candidate Rachel Lea Hunter, whose fiery rhetoric in recent weeks has included comparing the actions of a black congressional candidate to that of a slave.

Last week, in a post on her Web site, Hunter criticized congressional candidate Vernon Robinson for running for office as a Republican, even though the staunch and outspoken conservative lost his bid for state GOP chair at the party's convention in 2005.

"Like a good slave, he has returned to the plantation," Hunter wrote about Robinson, who is black.
This woman is an idiot, and should never be allowed to hold office of any kind. That kind of thinking belongs in the past, not deciding people's fates in court.

This guy didn't know he had a wanna be police dog on his hands, I'll bet.
A police pursuit ended when the suspect's dog, not happy about being bounced around in the car, bit its owner on the face.
The dog, part pit bull (of course), took off part of the guy's nose. The cops really ought to recruit him.

Now, this is no way to make friends in my opinion.
A retired farmer who says he served in the German army in World War II is turning part of his land into a battleground of sorts with his memorial to a leader he claims is misunderstood, Adolf Hitler.
I'd be willing to bet he won't be voted Farmer of the Year.

My family knows I have a deathly fear of spiders. Oh, I can deal with daddy longlegs, but the others just look evil, plus they tend to sneak up on you. Well, if someone did this to me, he or she probably wouldn't live to morning. My shrill scream would scramble their brain and they would die.
Mahlon Hector pleaded guilty in Leicester Magistrates' Court to delivering a rare Mexican red-kneed tarantula in a box addressed to the colleague at a branch of the Marks & Spencer store in Leicester. At the same time, he handed store bosses his resignation.
I wouldn't care what color its knees were; with luck, they'd be little red splotches on the floor when I got through dancing on them.

It seems Claire McCaskill, Democratic candidate for Senate, has a rabid fan. Someone posted a threat of violence against Senator Jim Talent, incumbent, on her website. They are investigating.

I see Congress has given itself another two percent pay raise. Or I guess I should say they refused to deny themselves a raise. I can't think of another job where you automatically get a raise, whether you deserve one or not.

I haven't perused the blogroll yet tonight, but so far I've seen nothing written about the Tonight Show with Ann Coulter and George Carlin. I'm guessing that's because it was very good! Jay treated them both with respect, and they treated each other the same way. She fully explained the passage from the book, then went on to discuss the rest of the book, something nobody else seems to want to do. It was nice that there were many fans of hers in the audience as well. So don't expect to read a lot about it, because nobody reamed her out. Jay Leno is a classy guy. As he said tonight, he is a fiscal conservative, and a social liberal, so he has friends on both sides of the "battle". Nice job, Jay.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

I should have written about this earlier in the week (sorry), but the second annual Welcome Home veterans celebration is going on this week in Branson, Missouri. If you're in the area, do stop in and enjoy yourselves. You can click here for a schedule of events, which end on Sunday. There's going to be something for everyone, so if you can, please attend.

Okay, click here, then repeat after me: AMEN!!

Well, it's about time. A University of Colorado committee finally got off their duffs and decided the school should fire Ward Churchill, the lunatic that called the 9/11 victims "little Eichmanns", claimed he was an Indian (lie), and plagiarized his works. I wonder why they rushed their decision?

Now this story is hilarious. A man tried to rob a bank in Kansas City. When he demanded money and declared he had a gun (but didn't show one), the teller said, "No." Okay, good enough. The robber ran away. Doncha wish they were all that easy?

Let's get the world's smallest violin playing for the ACLU tonight. There was a 4-day music festival near Lawrence, Kansas last weekend, and the police and other law enforcement agencies were well represented. The ACLU did their best to find someone to complain about their treatment, but they couldn't find a single person to file a lawsuit. Aw, boo hoo!

I was sorry to hear that Moe Drabowsky had passed away. I watched him play for both the Kansas City A's and Royals. He wasn't bad at all. They could use someone like him today. Actually they could use a lot of someones like him today. Rest well, Moe. You did good.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

If you decide to rob an auto parts store, pick one in New York. That way, if the owner catches you and beats you up, you can sue him. Is it too much to hope the judge laughs this guy out of court?

I haven't said anything about the Ann Coulter kerfuffle because I thought it was ridiculous, but it has gone on for far too long. Ever since she wrote in her book,
These self-obsessed women seem genuinely unaware that 9-11 was an attack on our nation and acted like as if the terrorist attack only happened to them. They believe the entire country was required to marinate in their exquisite personal agony. Apparently, denouncing Bush was part of the closure process....

These broads are millionaires, lionized on TV and in articles about them, reveling in their status as celebrities and stalked by griefparazzies. I have never seen people enjoying their husband’s death so much.
Coulter has been castigated in the media and online. Legislators in New Jersey have proposed banning her books in the entire state. And now a columnist has suggested she kill herself and do us all a favor. This is absolutely outrageous!

Thank God there are some people who haven't fallen off the cliff of idiocy. Reading Doc Rampage tells me that I'm not the only person who knows there is more than one definition for the word "enjoy".
First of all note that "she is enjoying her husband's death" is not the same as "she is glad her husband died". I can enjoy eating a sandwich that fell on the floor without being glad that it fell on the floor, and someone can enjoy the perks of having their husband dead without being glad that he is dead.

Second, people often do enjoy the perks of grief. Some people enjoy it a great deal. Women have deliberately harmed and even killed their own children because they enjoy the perks and attention of grieving. In fact, this practice is common enough to have a name: Munchausen's Syndrome by Proxy.

Third, it isn't that outrageous to look at a woman's behavior after her husband's death and conclude that she is enjoying herself. Imagine a woman who starts out poor and marries a rich older man for his money but the man turns out to be a miser and never lets her spend money. When her husband dies, she starts spending money wildly on shoes, clothes, and exotic vacations. She takes a young good-looking lover and is seen with him all over town gushing over him. Wouldn't it be fair to say that this woman is enjoying her husbands death? It might not be polite to say it, but it would be a reasonable conclusion to draw from the evidence, would it not?
At any rate, the only explanation acceptable should come from Ann Coulter. And I'm sure it will. She is scheduled to be on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno on Wednesday night, along with George Carlin. That should be an interesting chat. I'd be willing to bet the ratings will be through the roof.

Heaven help us all! Al Gore says his next movie could contain a nude scene. Excuse me while I bleach my brain.

In The Headlights is the host of this week's generic version of the Carnival of Recipes.

Is it just me, or are there a lot more Hispanic commercials and storylines on television these days? I don't mind, but it just strikes me as interesting timing.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

I received this by e-mail, and it really spoke to me. I thought I'd share it with you.
It was quiet that day, the guns and the mortars, and land mines for some reason hadn't been heard. The young soldier knew it was Sunday, the holiest day of the week. As he was sitting there, he got out an old deck of cards and laid them out across his bunk...

Just then an army sergeant came in and said, "Why aren't you with the rest of the platoon?"

The soldier replied, "I thought I would stay behind and spend some time with the Lord."

The sergeant said, "Looks to me like you're going to play cards."

The soldier said, "No, sir. You see, since we are not allowed to have Bibles or other spiritual books in this country, I've decided to talk to the Lord by studying this deck of cards."

The sergeant asked in disbelief, "How will you do that?"

"You see the Ace, Sergeant? It reminds me that there is only one God.
The Two represents the two parts of the Bible, Old and New Testaments.
The Three represents the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost.
The Four stands for the Four Gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.
The Five is for the five virgins that were ten but only five of them were glorified.
The Six is for the six days it took God to create the Heavens and Earth.
The Seven is for the day God rested after making His Creation.
The Eight is for the family of Noah and his wife, their three sons and their wives - the eight people God spared from the flood that destroyed the earth.
The Nine is for the lepers that Jesus cleansed of leprosy. He cleansed ten, but nine never thanked Him.
The Ten represents the Ten Commandments that God handed down to Moses on tablets made of stone.
The Jack is a reminder of Satan, one of God's first angels, but he got kicked out of heaven for his sly and wicked ways and is now the joker of eternal hell.
The Queen stands for the Virgin Mary.
The King stands for Jesus, for he is the King of all kings.

When I count the dots on all the cards, I come up with 365 total, one for every day of the year.
There are a total of 52 cards in a deck; each is a week - 52 weeks in a year.
The four suits represent the four seasons: Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter.
Each suit has thirteen cards - there are exactly thirteen weeks in a quarter.

So when I want to talk to God and thank Him, I just pull out this old deck of cards and they remind me of all that I have to be thankful for."

The sergeant just stood there. After a minute, with tears in his eyes and pain in his heart, he said, "Soldier, can I borrow that deck of cards?"
Perhaps we could send this message along with a deck of cards for the soldiers who are risking their very lives for us, especially at this stage of the war when every move is so critical. Think about it.

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even.

Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."

I know my entries have been a little sparse, but I've got something on my mind. My little sister called and asked if I would be her "Show and Tell" project for her class. Seriously, she teaches a teen Sunday School class, and they are discussing prejudice and discrimination of people who are disabled. She asked if I would come and speak to her class. I said I would, but it's freaking me out a little bit. I don't know why it should; I'd rather people ask me about it than talk behind my back or stare. I'm not a public speaker, though. She assured me the class was small, so it will be fine. But I'm now gonna have to do a lot of soul searching, digging down to find out how I really feel about my disability. Not something I'm looking forward to. I'm supposed to go to Kansas City next month for this, so keep good thoughts for me, okay?

Now this is cool. One of the most family-friendly shows of yesteryear is coming out on DVD. Faster than lightning, Flipper is coming to a store near you.

This should have happened around Halloween. A man in Jackson, Mississippi robbed a bank disguised as a mummy. I would think the wrapped bandages would hinder an escape.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Speaking of cracking up, I don't know how these Ontario cops handled this moron without losing it.
City police say a man walked into the station early Tuesday morning and asked the desk sergeant for a light.

That's when the man pulled out a partially filled crack pipe.
Some people really do seem too stupid to live.

This absolutely cracked me up. A woman got a puppy from another woman, then that puppy died because it was too young to be away from mama. This woman was so upset, she went to the second woman's home and pummeled her with the dead chihuahua. I can just picture that in my head.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

I've been a bad girl. Since Sir Mugley had to crack down on his diet due to his diabetes, I've been craving sweets. So when we went shopping at Walmart, I bought a flat of powdered sugar donuts and a flat of chocolate cupcakes. That was on the second. They're all gone.

I had to go to the doctor today for a routine followup appointment. I knew when I got on the scale I would be shocked. Well, I was. I've lost five more pounds! I don't know how that happens.

So after a short chat with the doctor, I came home with a new prescription, several old prescriptions, a couple of vitamins, and a headache. You see, my doctor doesn't like prescribing hormones for dealing with menopause. She prefers to treat the symptoms. So I have an anti-depressant for the mood swings, vitamin E for the hot flashes, and vitamin B12 for energy. I also found out I had a fever, but I'm not worried about that. That's just my sinuses. It's that time of year, you know.

Thus ends the health report which should make my family feel good. Good night. I'm gonna sign off and watch "The Magnificent Seven".

For all you Jack Bauer fans, here's some good news. According to next week's TV Guide, Fox will be airing this season's episodes of 24 starting next Friday night. If that doesn't do it for you, perhaps this will. There is a series of books on the market now called "24 Declassified" which gives us all something to do while we wait for the next season to start. There are at least five so far, maybe more. That should keep us going, for now. I've gotta go to the bookstore.

You Are a Beagle Puppy

Cheerful, energetic, and happy go lucky.
And you're sense of smell is absolutely amazing!
What Breed of Puppy Are You?

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

A woman in Muskogee, Oklahoma is suing her neighbor, a veterinarian, who took her 10-week-old puppy and neutered him, then surgically quieted his bark. She claims he took the pup from her fenced yard, but he claims he found the puppy on his porch. In my opinion, he should be horse-whipped. He made no effort to find out who the pup belonged to, if it truly was found on his porch. If she had obtained the pup to raise as a guard dog, he totally wrecked the purpose. I hope she wins her lawsuit, and he is reprimanded by the state authorities.

Some high school classes can be dull, while others are very interesting. This high school criminology class blows them all out of the water.
Teacher Sue Messenger had been creating mock crime scenes with fake skeletons and other evidence for more than 20 years to give students in her forensics courses a firsthand look at what crime scene investigators do.

On Monday, however, 29 students from St. Thomas Aquinas High School got more of a jolt they expected when they discovered the real body in Fort Lauderdale's Holiday Park.
At least it wasn't a really gory and gruesome scene. But seriously, what are the odds?

I was absolutely floored to read today that Billy Preston had passed away. I remember watching him on television, and thinking, "That guy has the biggest afro I've ever seen in my life!" He was boppin' behind his keyboard and his hair was bouncing in every direction. He was a great entertainer and will be missed.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

How strange is this? Today is 06-06-06, it's 6:06 in the morning, and the current temperature in Springfield is 66 degrees. Ooogggee Ooogggee!

Finally a family takes a stand:
The father of a Marine whose funeral was picketed by anti-gay protesters from a fundamentalist Kansas church filed an invasion-of-privacy suit against the demonstrators Monday.

It is believed to be the first lawsuit brought by a soldier’s family against Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kan., whose members routinely demonstrate at military funerals around the country.
In case you have been in a coma or your local news hasn't covered it, here's why these lunatics protest at funerals:
Members of Westboro say the military deaths in Iraq are God’s punishment for America’s tolerance of gays. They typically carry signs with slogans such as “God Hates Fags” and “Thank God for IEDs,” a reference to the roadside bombs used by insurgents.
I hope the courts nail them to the wall. Perhaps if enough families fight back, they won't be able to fund their protests any more.

I found out today that Gary Sinise was at Ft. Leonard Wood Monday with his band, Lieutenant Dan Band, performing for the servicemen and women serving there. The band will be performing at Whiteman AFB Tuesday. This is his 19th USO Tour. Very nice.

This week's Carnival of Recipes is brought to you by SarahK at Mountaineer Musings. The theme this week is Spring TV Shows. Yummy!

Ack! It's snake on a plane!!

Monday, June 05, 2006

You Are Storm

Exotic and powerful, Storm descended from a line of African priestesses.
Emotions can effect your powers, but you are generally serene.

Powers: controlling weather, creating winds that lift you into flight, generating lightning
Which of the X-Men Are You?

Well, this is cool. My cousin is running for Sheriff of Newton County, Arkansas. I'm so proud. If any of y'all live down there, say hey for me. Of course, we haven't seen each other in many years, so he may have forgotten me. But say it anyway. He's a good sort and he'd be a good Sheriff.

Here's a little humor for the girls:

Laxatives... They irritate the crap out of you.
Bananas... The older they get, the less firm they are.
The Weather... Nothing can be done to change them.
Blenders... You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
Chocolate Bars... Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
Commercials... You can't believe a word they say.
Department Stores... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
Government Bonds... They take soooooooo long to mature.
Mascara... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Popcorn... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Snowstorms... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
Lava Lamps... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
Parking Spots... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

I had to go to the store on Saturday to get the items we forgot to get on Friday. Anyway, on the way home, I'm listening to the radio, when suddenly I flashed back to my yoot. Growing up in Kansas City in the 60's and early 70's, everyone knew the best radio station was WHB am 710. And everyone who listened to that station knew about the caped crusader, the winged warrior, the most fantastic crime fighter the world has ever known... Chickenman (he's everywhere, he's everywhere!) I was a few minutes from home and an episode of Chickenman came on the radio. What a treat! I felt like a kid again.

I actually went to a yard sale Saturday. I hadn't done that in a long time, but a family down the road from us had a sale, so I went down to check it out. I really made out like a bandit. I'd been wanting a new table and chairs for the kitchen. (We've been eating in the frontroom). Well, now I've got a nice set. The table has two drop leaves. It has sturdy whitelegs and a light wood top. The four chairs are very comfortable. The only thing wrong with it is the table top needs to be sanded down and resurfaced. That's no big thing; I can do that myself. If I had gone to a store and purchased this set, it would have been at least a couple of hundred bucks. I paid twenty, and they delivered it to my home.

Neighbors can really be a blessing. Not only did they bring up the table, but this wonderful man asked if he could mow our yard for us! He noticed we hadn't been able to mow (broken mower) so he thought he could bring his brush hog by and take care of it for us. Perhaps he's trying to buy our votes. He's running for county commissioner. Nah, he's not like that. Country folk can be very kind.

So to recap: Great neighbors, radio flashback, new dining set. All in all, a great Saturday!

Oh, no! It's Snake in a Car!! Brought to you by a Paducah, Kentucky rental car service.

Television frequently portrays surgeons as emotionless and distant with their patients. Thank God this heart surgeon isn't like that.
A top New York heart surgeon who was doing a mercy-mission operation on an 8-year-old boy in El Salvador had to scrub out in the middle of the procedure so he could donate his own rare-type blood to the patient.
Thank you, Dr. Weinstein.

How fortunate we are here in Missouri to have a Senator like Jim Talent! Check out his speech on the Senate floor in opposition to the travesty that the Senate calls immigration reform. Here is one Senator who should be re-elected.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Okay, gang. I'm still alive. Thanks for checking on me, Freddie. It's good to know I'm missed. I survived the sciatic attack, only to run into problems with our phone lines. Took me all week to get it straightened out. I've got about a gazillion e-mails to go through, and a lot of other stuff to catch up on, like research for Sir Mugley. So I'll try to get back to a normal schedule tomorrow night. Don't desert me; I'll try to make it up to you with some good stuff.

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