Day By Day© by Chris Muir.

Friday, April 29, 2005

This is Austin, my youngest grandchild. He's two years old today. Happy Birthday, peanut. Grandma loves you.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

When we lived in Kansas City, they built a "gated community" in Lee's Summit. I said at the time (around 25 years ago) that if I were paying more than $150,000 for a home, nobody would be telling me what color to paint it, what kind of fence I could have, etc. But it looks like those people were pikers compared to the Homeowner's Associations of today. Nowadays they can sell your house out from under you if you don't pay their "fees". That's what happened to Pamela Bernhardt. After more than $48,000 in renovations, she had planned to sell her $250,000 home. But when she went to check on the work she found her home had been sold because she hadn't paid $420.00 in "assessment fees." Totally outrageous in my book.

Looks like Bo Bice isn't all sweetness and light. He has been arrested twice on drug charges, one of which was a felony cocaine rap. So of the five finalists on American Idol, two of them have been arrested, the other being Scott. But since the producers knew about it ahead of time, all is forgiven. Phooey! So now I'm rooting for Carrie or Vonzell to win. As far as I know, they're not convicts.

Never let it be said that kids have no power. You'd never be able to prove it by Thomas Adams, and 11 year old from Tulsa, Oklahoma, who launched a successful campaign to save Bugs Bunny, Road Runner, and all the other Looney Tunes.

According to a study done at Wheeling Jesuit University, the flavor of car air freshener you use could save your life.
Researchers said pine is especially effective for alertness and scents such as strawberry helped reduce road rage.
Well, if that's the case, start passing those babies out. A little less road rage sounds real good right now.

Some people, myself included, have absolutely no luck when it comes to gardening. But others are just the opposite. They go out to landscape their yard, and find an unexpected fortune:
A man landscaping his garden in eastern England has unearthed a major hoard of tools and weapons dating back nearly 3 000 years, an archaeologist revealed on Tuesday.

The hoard is among the largest finds in Britain from the late Bronze Age, consisting of 145 items including spear and axe heads, swords and metal working tools.
Lucky devil.

I would like to wish a great big Happy 75th Birthday to that staunch ally of schoolkids everywhere, the humble Twinkie. May you have many more birthdays before you expire.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

I see President Bush is holding a prime time press conference on Thursday night. I hope he doesn't think cutting into Survivor's timeslot is going to help his approval ratings. Why can't he do this on Saturday night, when there's nothing else on?

Governor Blunt signed a bill today cutting about 100,000 people from the Missouri Medicaid rolls. He made it more difficult to be eligible for Medicaid assistance, plus they are cutting the services that will be provided. What this means to me is a mystery. They changed the income qualification from the federal poverty level of $9,570 annually to $7,369, the minimum level required by the Federal Government. They are cutting several services as well, including eyeglasses, prosthetics, rehab services, etc. This is disturbing to be because I've just started physical therapy last week. Fortunately, I should be done with my eye procedures before this stupid change takes effect. I can't deal with this now. I'm too confused.

Okay, I'm tissed. Constantine was voted off American Idol, and Scott is still there? There is no justice left in this world. Okay, so he had one bad week. Scott has been consistently bad, plus he doesn't seem to realize he's not black. He should have been gone weeks ago. Now it comes down to Vonzell and Carrie. Personally I like Carrie's singing better, but she's more country, so she won't win. The only hope the guys have is Bo, and I have already given you my opinion of him. However, he is the best of the guys, so he has a definite shot. But I'm still tissed.

MAJOR UPDATE: I knew it. This is rigged, but apparently not by the show's producers. Check out this website to find out about the national plan to keep Scott in the finals. If they are going to continue this show, they've got to find a way to keep the voting legit.

Sometimes people do things that are just ignorant. Then at other times, people go way over the top, and you have to ask how anyone could be that unbelievably moronic. Here's a prime example of going way over the top:
Some of the thousands of Australians who flocked to Turkey's Anzac Cove to commemorate their war dead were reportedly outraged when Australian organisers of the ceremony played the Bee Gees' hit song "Stayin' Alive."
Isn't that about the stupidest thing you've ever read?

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Wayne Keith of Birmingham doesn't care too much about the rising gas prices. He drives a wood-burning pickup truck. Too bad it's too complicated for the average driver to operate. We've got lots of trees around here.

Here's a really bizarre story out of Carroll, Iowa:
City officials are perplexed over the discovery of mysterious chunks of flesh that have been clogging up city water lines. A month ago, city officials sent a hunk of meaty-fatty tissue to the Iowa Department of Natural Resources for identification.
These chunks have turned up at least two or three other times in various water mains. They haven't yet found out what kind of flesh this is, but the news isn't all bad.
Krauel said drinking water was not affected by the blockages and is safe to drink. Chlorine levels have been temporarily increased as a precaution, he said.
Yeah, right. After you, Mr. Krauel.

The words "Oh give me a home, where the buffalo roam..." has new meaning today for residents of Pikesville, Maryland.
A herd of buffalo somehow got loose and wandered around an upscale neighborhood Tuesday, disrupting traffic and alarming homeowners before officers managed to corral them in a tennis court.
I'm sure the officers didn't train for something like this in their Police Academy days. But they came through valiantly.
The officers used lounge chairs beside the tennis court as shields and formed a human chain to corral the wayward buffalo. One buffalo was seen leaping over one of the tennis nets in an effort to evade capture.
Way to go, guys.

Sorry, guys, but I won't be blogging tonight. I lost track of the days, and woke up this morning to an empty oxygen tank. I forgot to switch over to the second tank on Sunday. So I've been fighting a migraine all day, but I'll be back tomorrow night. I'll try to remember to tell you all about my first visit to the physical therapist. Oh, what fun!

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Every so often, you hear about a skydiving accident, but this one is really bizarre. A skydiver lost both legs when he hit the wing of the plane he had just jumped out of. He later died at an area hospital. Boy, that's something they don't warn you about. Normally, you fall away from the plane, but I guess the wind caught his chute just right or something.

In honor of those brave souls who bring us humorous headlines every day, here are a few headlines I received via e-mail today:

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[no, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[now that's taking things a bit far!]

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[what a guy!]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[see if that works any better than a fair trial!]

War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[you think?!]

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[who would have thought!]

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[they may be on to something!]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[weren't they fat enough?!]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]

And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
[Did I read that sign right?]

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Wow! 3M has just created a transparent duct tape! Now all those home repairs won't be quite so pathetic-looking. Just don't use it to wrap Christmas presents. You would probably make a few enemies that way.

Pray for the Soul of Betty, the band fronted by American Idol contestant Constantine Maroulis, is releasing their first CD on May 10. The CD was recorded before he was chosen for the show, and the rights were signed over to the band ahead of time, so it won't belong to American Idol. Here's hoping they have successful sales, and a successful tour, even without their lead singer.

I'd say this is about right, but they left out Rock and Roll. I think I would have ranked pretty highly there as well.

Your Taste in Music:

Classic Rock: Highest Influence
Progressive Rock: Highest Influence
80's Rock: High Influence
Country: Medium Influence
80's Pop: Low Influence
80's R&B: Low Influence
90's Alternative: Low Influence
90's Pop: Low Influence
Adult Alternative: Low Influence
Alternative Rock: Low Influence
Old School Hip Hop: Low Influence
Punk: Low Influence

How's Your Taste in Music?

Remember a few days ago, I wrote about some missing silos in Medina, Ohio. Well, they found them. They had been purchased in a nearby town. Ok, mystery solved. Except they still don't know whodunit. Or why.

I don't know who wrote the book saying to play the golf ball wherever it lands, but I'm pretty sure they didn't face this problem:
The golfers -- Harold Parris, Rothermund and Tom Lindon -- arrived at the par-3 12th hole shortly before noon one day, and it was Parris' turn to tee off first, said Lindon, 77, a resident of Sea Pines.

There were two alligators near the green on Robber's Row golf course when Parris, who happened to be golfing without his glasses that day, teed off. The ball bounced once about 2 feet before landing directly on one of the reptiles' tails, Lindon said.

"Unbelievable," Lindon said with a laugh. "It was one of the funniest things I had ever seen. The alligator didn't move an inch."
I suppose he would have been happy if the gator had taken off with the ball.

Friday, April 22, 2005

I'd have to say, it's getting pretty rough when the pigs start fighting back:
A worker at a slaughterhouse east of the city accidentally shot a co-worker in the leg Wednesday when the intended target, a pig, bumped into the weapon.
I just wanna know.. was he vewy, vewy quiet when he went hunting? That's all, folks!

Here's the moment you've all been waiting for... the first baby pictures of Luke Skywalker. Try not to hurt yourself clicking on the link too fast.

Talk about anal. Residents of Turin, Italy are going to be forced to walk their pets a minimum of three times a day. Or else.
Dog owners in Turin will be fined up to 500 euros ($650) if they don't walk their pets at least three times a day, under a new law from the city's council.

People will also be banned from dyeing their pets' fur or "any form of animal mutilation" for merely aesthetic motives such as docking dogs' tails, under the law about to be passed in the northern Italian city.
I don't walk my dogs three times a day. Of course, I live in the country, and they're outside all day. Except for nap time. Then they want to be in the air conditioning. Yeah, I spoil them.

No matter what you do for your kids, some kids are just never going to be satisfied:
A 17-year-old Eastside youth was arrested this week on suspicion of arranging the theft of his $50,000 BMW so he could collect the insurance money to upgrade to a pricier Bentley, police said.
How spoiled can a kid get? I'd be thrilled if I could afford a BMW. My house didn't cost $50,000. And this ungrateful little monster wanted a better car. I say, Screw him. Let him ride the bus.

Well, PETA has been utterly defeated again, tee hee.
The California Supreme Court is putting to pasture a lawsuit brought by an animal rights group alleging the California Milk Producers Advisory Board is falsely advertising that California's cows are happy.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals sued here in December 2002 alleging the board's advertising was false and misleading. The ads show cows grazing in green pastures with the slogan, "Great cheese comes from happy cows. Happy cows come from California."

The animal rights group said it may never be known whether cows are happy, but said cows live in deplorable conditions, are repeatedly milked and impregnated before being slaughtered.
These people are crazy. If you don't milk a cow it becomes engorged and is in pain. I've seen it. When is PETA going to grow up? Bunch of dumb heifers, if you ask me.

Anna Ayala has gotten herself into a bit of trouble. She has been arrested in connection with her complaint of finding a partial finger in her bowl of Wendy's chili. What a mess. She never should have given them the finger.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

A man named Michael Smith of Kansas City has become a hero to thousands of veterans across this country. Mr. Smith stood in a book-signing line for ninety minutes, just so he'd have the opportunity to spit tobacco juice into Jane Fonda's face. He was arrested, of course, but she declined to press charges. After all, that would hurt her book sales, wouldn't it? She did apologize for that picture taken on the North Vietnamese tank, you know. Although, she never did apologize for her actions during the Vietnam War. I believe in my heart that the only reason she apologized for the picture was to help sell her book. She admits she made mistakes (hah! The understatement of the year) but she never says she's sorry to the many P.O.W.'s who suffered because of her and others like her. Mr. Smith should get a medal.

Howdy. Well, American Idol didn't disappoint tonight. I knew the bottom three, and after the way Anwar sang last night, I knew Scott would be safe for another week. It's all falling into place as I imagined. The final three will be Carrie, Constantine, and Vonzell. After that, I'm not sure. I'm rooting for Constantine, not just because he reminds me of my youth, but because this is the fourth season, and we've seen a white girl, a black guy and a black girl. No white guy has won it yet. We've gotta keep it balanced, don't we? Plus, Bo Bice shouldn't even be in this competition, considering he has extensive professional experience:
Bo Bice started out with a rock band called "Purge", then moved on to "Blue Suede Nickel", and then to "Sugar Money". Three songs are available online from Bo Bice's bands. "My Blessed Blues", "Someday", and "My Wish" can be downloaded at Garageband.com.

The American Idol bio for Bo Bice also notes that Bo "has opened for Blackfoot and Warrant, and has performed live and recorded with Jonny Neal of the Allman Brothers."
With that kind of experience, he should be out on the road already, giving amateurs a chance to win this competition.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Oh, my! Michele of A Small Victory has a list of alternate names for the new Pope. Don't read it while you're drinking anything, or you may have to replace your keyboard. Some of them are just too funny!

A boxer dog named Apollo in Stockholm, Sweden is suffering no longer. Five years ago, this goofy dog swallowed a rubber ducky. When the toy didn't pass, the owner assumed it had dissolved in the dog's stomach. Silly owner. Swedish vets removed the duck last week, after the owner brought the dog in for treatment. Apollo had been vomiting and refusing to drink anything. Just for the record, the duck was black and rock hard after sitting in Apollo's juices for five years. Let this be a lesson to you. Never serve duck to your dog.

Somebody in Glen Gardner, New Jersey has been very naughty. Someone put a bag of animal parts in the ceiling of the Voorhies High School cafeteria. Unfortunately, they weren't found for a few days, and then it was only by following the aroma. The school was closed for a couple of days in order to sanitize the lunchroom, giving the perpetrators (if they were students) an extra benefit to the act.

Here's a little Bible trivia to brighten your day:

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married?
A. Ruthless.

Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
A. German Shepherds.

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.

Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.

Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.

Q. Who is the greatest baby sitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.

Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.

Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck. (Groan...)

S... Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make coffee? Yup, it's in the Bible. It says . . . "Hebrews"

A visiting minister during the prayer:

"Dear Lord," he began , "Without you, we are but dust..."

He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little girl (who was listening carefully for a change!) leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice,

"Mommy, WHAT is butt dust?"

Church was pretty much over at that point...

Congratulations to the Catholic Church on being able to transfer power smoothly and civilly. Too bad governments can't work as well. Pope Benedict XVI is not much younger than Pope John Paul II was when he died. Looks like they don't want another long-term Pope. This is the fourth Pope since my children were born. I'm rambling now... I'll stop while I'm behind.

I just found out that Kelley of Suburban Blight fame is going to start blogging again. I'm so glad. She's very good at blogging, especially when she starts writing about Spidey, her son. Welcome back to the blogworld, Kelley. We need more like you around here. Y'all go over and check her out when you've got a minute to spare, like, say, right now. Just click the blogroll link. You won't regret it.

Monday, April 18, 2005

Your Linguistic Profile:

60% General American English

25% Dixie

5% Midwestern

5% Upper Midwestern

5% Yankee

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Only 25% Dixie?? Come On! I live in the Ozarks, my dad was from Arkansas. I remember my Grandma used to call a picture a "pickter", and worry was pronounced "weary". I grew up in Kansas City (unfortunately), but at heart I'm all Southern.

A 59 year old woman in Gladstone, Missouri woke to find an intruder in her home. He had apparently broken in to rape her, but she had other ideas. She offered him coffee and convinced him not to hurt her. She shared cigarettes with him, and discussed his abusive childhood and God. He left after about an hour. What a gal! How many of us would have held it together like that?

The Mesa, Arizona S.W.A.T. Team is waiting word on whether they'll receive a grant to purchase and train a capuchin monkey to be a member of the team. The monkey would be able to go where a normal-sized person could not. I can't imagine the PETA people will let this one slip by, can you?

Happy Birthday, baby boy. We love you very much. Stay well. We'll see you soon.

And yet another nuisance lawsuit is in the works. A man is suing the Toronto Outing Club and its Kolapore Uplands Wilderness Ski Trails Committee as well as the Town of The Blue Mountains, the Grey-Bruce Trails Network and the province of Ontario because he fell off his mountain bike. He claims a fractured vertebra and several "soft-tissue injuries" when his bike hit a hole and stopped, sending him over the handlebars. I did that once as a kid, on a city street. I didn't sue anybody. Did I mention this man is a personal injury lawyer? He knew the risks he was assuming when he got on the bike. A lawsuit like this could ruin bike trails everywhere.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Well, well. If you ever go to Medina, Ohio, be careful driving through town. Apparently, nobody there can see worth a darn. A thief actually got away with stealing three 40-foot storage silos from a business there. Nobody noticed them being disassembled, nobody gave permission to move them through town, nobody saw anything. I wonder how they survive.

End of the school year pranks have been a tradition for decades. This one was pretty good:
A stuffed film-prop-turned-college-mascot was found suspended from a chapel ceiling at Milligan College.

The 1-ton buffalo was found dangling from a chain Wednesday after it was stolen from the college field house Easter weekend. A broken horn from the animal was left on the chapel baptistery.
The Milligan Administration is upset about the prank. They should lighten up. Nobody got hurt. When my husband was a high school senior (years ago) he and a few of his friends took a Volkswagen that belonged to a teacher and put it on the second floor of the high school. It took that teacher a long time to get it back outside. Loads of fun, right?

At first glance, you'd want to congratulate Seo Sang-moon for getting his very first driver's license at the age of 70. But on second glance, you find out it took him 272 tries! Boy, am I glad he lives in Seoul, South Korea. You've got to admit, though, the man was determined.

Here's a cautionary tale for you: When you're drunk, do not drop trou and try to moon people out your apartment window. It could be fatal.

This is the dumbest thing I've seen in a very long time. A woman is suing Lowe's Hardware Center in excess of $50,000 because a bird flew into the back of her head at the outdoor gardening area of the store.
According to the suit, filed by the St. Louis firm of Anderson & Associates, the store "allowed wild birds to enter the Gardening area in which customers travel ... (and) that said wild birds created a dangerous condition."

Nichols claims the bird caused injuries to her head, brain, neck, muscles, bones, nerves, discs, ligaments, as well leading to the loss of neurological functions and cognitive skills.

Her attorney, Zane T. Cagle, said "the bird was described to us as being about the size of a robin or pigeon."
Good Heavens! It was a fly-by beaking! Seriously, the bird probably was just getting a little hair for its nest. What was the store supposed to do, shoot any bird that comes near the display? It's outside, for crying out loud! This woman and her lawyer should be charged for filing a nuisance suit.

A primary teacher from Ormskirk decided to raise funds for the Kenyan Orphan Project by climbing Mount Snowden, carrying a washing machine on his back. Here's my favorite part of the story:
A sign on his back read "This is for charity, I'm not crazy" to alert confused passersby.
Oh, I'm sure they believed that sign.. not!

Always remember, doctors aren't always right about everything. A man in Scotland defied his doctors when they told him he'd never walk again, and is now preparing to run in the London marathon. Doctors told me oh so many years ago that I'd be in a wheelchair before I reached the ripe old age of 45. They were wrong about that, too.

Friday, April 15, 2005

Jeffrey Freeman of Nashville, Tennessee made a very unexpected and fatal error. He opened his closet door.
A man was beaten to death after catching his wife's lover living in a closet in their home, police said Tuesday. Rafael DeJesus Rocha-Perez, 35, was charged with homicide in the slaying of 44-year-old Jeffrey A. Freeman over the weekend... Freeman's wife had allowed Rocha-Perez to live in a closet of the Freemans' four-bedroom home for about a month without her husband's knowledge, police said. On Sunday, her husband heard Rocha-Perez snoring and discovered him, authorities said.

Freeman ordered his wife to get the man out of the house while he went for a walk, authorities said. Martha Freeman told authorities that when her husband returned, Rocha-Perez confronted him with a shotgun, forced him into a bathroom and bludgeoned him.
I'm surprised that Mr. Freeman, or any man for that matter, could go a month and not catch on that another man was living in his home.

Move over, Lassie. Sheena is taking over.
A golden Labrador survived a 100-foot fall down a cliff after another dog — a black Labrador — ran to get help from the first dog's owner, coast guard officials said.

The golden Labrador named Lacey became trapped after slipping down a rocky slope Monday near South Stack, in Holyhead, north Wales.

The black Labrador, named Sheena, spotted her lying in a pool of water at the bottom of a gully and raced to fetch Lacey's owner, barking to gain attention and directing her to the stricken animal.
It took Coast Guard rescuers about 40 minutes to save the lab, and they say she'll be just fine. Good goin', Sheena!

Did anyone watch the new NBC show "Revelations" Wednesday night? If so, leave a comment and tell me what you thought of it. I'll save my opinions for later.

When are people going to learn not to mess with grandmothers, especially if they're armed?
Jean Collop was woken in the early hours after hearing a noise. She went outside in her nightdress and saw the intruder near a skylight.

"I politely told him not to move," said Mrs Collop, who is in her late 60s and lives in Wadebridge, Cornwall. "I grabbed the first thing that came to hand, one of my garden gnomes, and hurled it at him, and hit him.

"He lay there and I began to scream. I went back into the kitchen and found a rolling pin in case he came down. I didn't want to break another gnome."
Good for her, but I hope she hasn't ruined it for the rest of us. Now we'll probably all be required to register our gnomes!

A dispatcher down in Texas forgot the golden rule of dealing with pains in the butt: Whatever you may think about the caller, don't say it out loud.
A 911 dispatcher was reprimanded for responding to a mother's plea for help with an unruly child by saying: "OK. Do you want us to come over to shoot her?"

"I admit what I did. It was stupid, it was inexcusable and I'm sorry," said dispatcher Mike Forbess.
He apologized, of course, but still got a letter of reprimand and warned he would lose his job if it happened again. Like I said, it's okay to think it, just don't say it. She shouldn't have called 911 in the first place. Her daughters were having a fight, and one of them kicked a hole in a door. That's not a 911 problem; that's a "get my paddle" problem.

Is nothing sacred anymore? Now the food Nazis are going after a childhood icon: Cookie Monster has apparently received a directive from his Sesame Street bosses to quit downing his favorite food because his behavior could be contributing to the child obesity pickle we're supposedly in. Now future episodes of Sesame Street will purportedly show Cookie Monster modifying his intake of chocolate chips while singing the praises of cantaloupe. His new song is going to be, "A cookie is a sometimes food." Why can’t they just leave things alone? Kids were downing cookies long before Cookie Monster came along, and they’ll be downing cookies long after he’s gone. Let the kids be kids, just for a little while.

Hi everybody. Did you miss me? I'm going to post a bunch of stuff sometime today. Thursday was not a good day for me. My sister's granddaughter's funeral was Thursday, and I had made arrangements to drive my daughter to the funeral up by Kansas City. I woke up in extreme pain, bad enough there was no way I could drive. I had forgotten to take my meds when I went to bed Wednesday night. On top of that, my son had called and told us his father-in-law had to have an emergency double bypass Wednesday afternoon. I'm still waiting to hear how he's doing. And Blogger it seems is trying to have a nervous breakdown, as I'm having a lot of trouble just getting into my account. But I haven't forgotten you. I'll get you some good stuff in a little while.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Okay, everybody. Let's dig out those old magazines that you've been stacking up to read "later". One of them could be valuable to you. Intel has offered a $10,000 reward for a mint condition copy of the April 19, 1965 Electronics magazine. It contains the original "Moore's Law", by Gordon Moore, forecasting that computer chip performance would double every couple of years. Since he was right, they want to retrieve a copy of the magazine. Good luck, and don't forget my cut for telling you about it.

I guess it's true what they say: You really do learn something new every day. Seems there really was an establishment called House of the Rising Sun, in the French Quarter of New Orleans.

All I can say is WHY???? Scientists Create Remote-Controlled Flies. The only control I'd want over flies would be to control them out of my house, and straight into a bug zapper.

A certain little duck with nine eggs in her nest is getting Secret Service protection. Here's my favorite part of the story:
The duck, a brown mallard with white markings, has had several names suggested by Treasury Department people, including "Quacks Reform," "T-Bill," and "Duck Cheney."
Duck Cheney... that's a good one. Can you come up with a better name for this brood?

Today's public service announcement: If you're on a hike, be careful when washing your face in a stream. You may get more than you bargained for.. like a leech up your nose.

I got this in my e-mail this week:

Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says "Doc, I'm getting married this weekend and my fiancée thinks I'm a virgin, is there anything you can do to help me?"

After the doctor stopped laughing, he says, "Medically, no, but here's something you can try...on the wedding night, when you're getting ready for bed, take an elastic band and slide it to your upper thigh, when your husband puts it in, snap the elastic band and tell him it's your virginity snapping."

The woman loves this idea, and knows her hubby-to-be will fall for this. They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man.

Things begin to progress, her hubby "slips it in", she snaps the elastic band, and the hubby asks, "What the *@#% was that?"

The wife explains, "oh nothing honey, that was just my virginity snapping."

The husband cries out, "Well snap it again, it's got my balls!"

Here's another in the long list of reasons Major League Baseball is losing its fan base. Irving Zeiger has been a loyal Dodgers fan since they moved to Los Angeles. He bought the very first season tickets, and has had the same four seats behind the dugout ever since. Until now. The Dodgers have added a few more rows of seats this year, and if Mr. Zeiger wants to stay right behind the dugout, it's gonna cost him a meager $120,000. No, that's not a misprint. It's just insane. And this is the Dodgers, for crying out loud. They're not worth it.

Monday, April 11, 2005

Okay, I'm back. Tammy (see previous post) died at 6:30 Sunday morning. It was truly a merciful thing, since she had been running a fever of 109.4 degrees, while they had her in an ice blanket and surrounded by ice packs. If nothing else comes of this, let her death be used as an example to your children, to say "No freakin' way!" to meth. It only takes one use to become addicted. She was a beautiful young girl, with a bright future ahead of her. It can happen to anybody. Because of a lapse in judgment, an entire family is destroyed. Please pray for her family. This is going to be a hard week for them, dealing with the funeral arrangements.

Friday, April 08, 2005

I probably won't be blogging a lot the next few days. My sister's granddaughter is in critical condition in a Kansas City hospital, and my heart just isn't in blogging right now. She was in a truck that rolled several times and she was ejected, slamming into a fence and a construction trailer. Please pray that God's will be done here. If she is meant to die, allow it to be quickly, and if she isn't, restore her to her former self. Her family is devasated, and I'm not sure they could handle caring for someone with severe brain damage. She is only 16 years old. Such a waste. What's really weird is, I had some sort of anxiety attack thing going on Tuesday night. You ever get one of those, where you just know something bad's coming, but you don't know what? That was me Tuesday night. The wreck happened on Wednesday. This isn't the first time something like this has happened. Sometimes I feel like a freak. Please pray for Tammy, and for her family. The doctors say if she pulls through, she could wind up like a certain lady in Florida who recently died. I'm not sure they could take that.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

I'll admit it. I've been watching American Idol this season. We usually only watch the beginning of the season, when they're weeding out all the awful singers. That's usually good for a laugh or two. But this week, every single competitor blew it big time. The theme was "Musicals", and they couldn't have chosen more boring songs. The only kinda upbeat song was something from "Pippin", and it sounded horrible. Now you've got two rockers among the contestants. Haven't any of them heard of "Tommy" or "Hair" or "Jesus Christ Superstar" or "Godspell" or anything that would breathe a little life into the show. How about "Grease"? Anwar sang "If ever I would leave you", and he got the words wrong. Anthony sang "Climb every mountain", a song from Sound of Music sung by the Mother Superior. Vonzell tried to sing a Streisand song. They should never do that. People are always going to compare you if you do. What really gets me is that some of these kids had never heard of the musicals or the songs they were singing. Puh-leeze! Have they stopped having music class in school these days? Anyway, if I were voting someone off the stage, I'd have to go with Scott or Bo this week. Both did a really lousy job. What's your opinion?

Tuesday was election day here in the Ozarks. I have no idea if I prevailed in my bid to serve on our county's 911 board. This was my first time running for office. There were four names on the ballot to serve a two-year term. Two of us were relatively new to the area (I've only been here 20 years) and the other two were lifelong county residents. Two of us were elected. I'm pretty sure I know which two. This county is notorious for keeping it local. There is a definite good-ole-boy network around here, and it shows during elections. In my time here, I've seen one Democrat get elected, and that was because there was no competition. Fortunately, she's been a pretty good Prosecuting Attorney. I probably won't find out who won the election until Thursday when our local paper is delivered. I'll let you know. But for now, if I got more than three votes, I'll be a happy camper.

Here's a tragedy of epic proportions. A beer truck overturned on a highway, spilling its entire load. The best line in the entire article?
“It is sad,” said Capt. Scott Logan of the Halifax Regional Fire Service. “Chances are they won’t recover any of the beer.”

“I had a tear in my eye, actually, when I was watching it,” said Halifax Regional Police Const. Mark Hobeck. “It was full of beer. We were hoping a Hostess truck full of pretzels would come by, but no such luck.”
Poor babies.

There's just all kinds of news out there tonight. MSNBC Breaking News just announced a new President in Iraq:
Kurdish leader Talabani named Iraq's president

The newly elected Iraqi parliament chose Kurdish leader Jalal Talabani as its new interim president Wednesday, taking one of the last steps toward forming Iraq's first democratically elected government in half a century.
Pray for this man. He's got a hard job ahead of him.

Peter Jennings has been diagnosed with lung cancer, and will be starting chemotherapy soon. In his absence, the news will be anchored by Charles Gibson and Elizabeth Vargas. I pray his recovery is as pain-free as possible.

MSNBC just announced that Prince Rainier of Monaco has died. He'd been in poor health for a while now, with lung, heart and kidney problems. Plus he was 81 years old, so that added to the strain on the old body. RIP, Prince.

Two things Navy SEALS are always taught:

1. Keep your priorities in order
2. Know when to act without hesitation

A college professor, an avowed atheist and active in the ACLU, was teaching his class. He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated for once and for all he was going to prove there was no God.

Addressing the ceiling he shouted: "GOD, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes!!!!!"

The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by. "I'm waiting God. If you're real, knock me off this platform!!!!"

Again after 5 minutes, the professor taunted God, saying, "Here I am, God!!! I'm still waiting!!!"

His count down got down to the last couple of minutes when a SEAL, just released from the Navy after serving in Afghanistan and Iraq and newly registered in the class, walked up to the Professor.

The SEAL hit him full force in the face, and sent the Professor tumbling from his lofty platform. The Professor was out cold!! The students were stunned and shocked. They began to babble in confusion.

The SEAL nonchalantly took his seat in the front row and sat silent. The class looked at him and fell silent.....waiting.

Eventually, the professor came to and was noticeably shaken. He looked at the SEAL in the front row. When the professor regained his senses and could speak he asked:
"What the hell is the matter with you?! Why did you do that!?"

"God was really busy protecting America's soldiers, who are protecting your right to say stupid shit and act like an asshole!!! So God told me to take care of it!!"

Sunday, April 03, 2005

This is just too much. A cat in North Carolina has been fitted with a prosthetic paw. Come on! There are a gazillion cats in this ocuntry. Many of these cats have been declawed. Surely a cat can maneuver on three paws. Dogs can do it; are they saying cats are not as able to adapt as dogs? Seriously, how much does surgery like this cost? The article skips over that little detail. I'd be willing to bet that money could have been put to better use. I'm sure this little rant will upset cat people; I don't care. I hate to see money wasted on something like this. The cat was born without the foot, it had already learned to get around without it. This type of surgery isn't even routinely done on humans; only 70 to date. I'll wager good money the cat doesn't appreciate it, either. The little bugger will still turn up his nose at his owners. I used to be a cat person, I really did. But this just crosses the line. Just as plastic surgery on pets crosses the line. I'm done now. Thanks.

Looks like New York City has a real problem. They purchased a lot of trash cans for Penn Station, Grand Central Station, Amtrak stations, and the Long Island Railroad. These trash cans are supposed to be bomb proof; if a bomb is detonated inside no one gets hurt. Well, gang, they don't work. On testing these cans, it seems they only serve to make the blast more dangerous, because they splinter and add shrapnel to the blast debris. This is a bad thing, especially in light of the fact that the people in control of this project paid $3,000 for each trash can. I think I could find a better use for $3,000. But then I don't live in New York.

When adults get into an argument, if it's handled right, their relationship can grow from it. When idiots do the same, nothing good can come from it. A man in Charleston, West Virginia had an argument with the mother of one of his children (a whole different rant there), it didn't go well at all. I'm assuming he lost the argument, because he grew incensed and decided to retaliate by putting a container of gasoline in the microwave. No one was injured, thank God, but it could have been disastrous.

I'd like to take this moment to wish my youngest granddaughter, Gwendolyn Renee, a very happy 5th birthday. I know it's killing your mom, but that's okay. It's supposed to work that way.

Don't forget to set your clocks ahead one hour tonight, or you'll miss church tomorrow, and we don't want that, do we? I said, DO WE?? Of course not. That's a good reader.

Saturday, April 02, 2005

History was made again in Springfield, MO today. For the first time in 60-odd years, major league baseball has come to town. The Springfield Cardinals, a AA minor league team for St. Louis, played against the St. Louis Cardinals in an exhibition game. What a surprise! First of all, I didn't recognize most of the St. Louis team. Pujols, Rolen, and Edmonds are still there, but the rest seemed new. Or perhaps they just don't usually stand out. I don't know. But after watching the game, I've come away with three possibilities:

1. The new Springfield team is very good.
2. The St. Louis team really sucks this year.


3. The St. Louis Cardinals were taking it easy on their fledgling team.

How else could you explain a ninth inning score of 3-3? The St. Louis team won in the top of the ninth inning. Shouldn't they have been able to slaughter the lesser team? And where did they send their other good players? I've got some studying to do, I guess.

This could be really great news for the large group of people who suffer from high blood pressure.
A 36-year-old woman with severe hypertension has been fitted with a pacemaker-like implant that, in limited trials in Europe, has shown promise in controlling wayward blood pressure through electronic stimulation of neck-artery nerves.

Surgeons at the University of Rochester Medical Center inserted a battery powered pulse generator under Lawrence's collarbone along with tiny wires running up each side of her neck that stimulate nerves in the carotid arteries that play a role in regulating blood pressure.

After the operation, which lasted a few hours, her systolic blood-pressure reading dropped from about 210 millimeters to about 160, Sloand said.
Wouldn't it be wonderful if thousands of people no longer had to take medication for their blood pressure? I'd be thrilled if I didn't need my meds anymore, but they haven't figured out a way to do that yet.

It's been a really sad week, hasn't it? First, Terri died, then the Pope died today. To all Catholics who may read this blog, I am sorry for your loss. Although I'm not Catholic, I admire your dedication. I couldn't tell you the name of the head of my particular denomination, and I doubt that most non-Catholics could, either, without looking it up. The Pope was a gentle man, and he did some good work, even though he was saddled with the priest-pederast controversy. He probably could have handled that better. But he served with dignity since my two children were babies. And then, to complete the trifecta of death, Monday is the 37th anniversary of the murder of Martin Luther King, a pivotal point in many people my age. Between the time Malcolm X was killed, and the time Martin Luther king was killed, I lost most of my grade-school friends, because our parents weren't the same race. So we weren't allowed to play together any more. So much the sadder for our nation. How very different would our world have been if we hadn't been taught to treat each other according to our color? I think very different.

Dr. Charles has put together a chain story, similar to the blog novella and blog noir done earlier this year, written by six or seven medical blogs. It's called the Traveling Story. It's not too long, for those of you with ADD. Enjoy it, and let them know you did. If you do, they'll write another one.

This is really crappy news.
Officials at Forbes Regional Hospital in Monroeville said they got about three times as many calls as expected a day after they announced that equipment used for colon exams might not have been cleaned properly.
How could they possibly be surprised at the response? They have put about 200 people at risk here. Did they really think people would just blow it off? They'll be lucky if nobody gets ill. They'll probably still be sued, just for being stupid.

Attention all readers: If you have seen a 30 foot tall, inflatable skunk in your neighborhood, please contact the Lakemoor Community Association.
The $8,000 caricature, which stood in protest of the possible location of the village’s proposed sewage treatment plant, was snatched early Tuesday morning.

Don Allen, the group’s president, thinks the theft was politically motivated since the sewer plant has surfaced as a campaign issue in the testy village president’s race
I think we should put Pepe LePew on the case. He could surely sniff it out.

When are people going to learn? You don't park in handicapped parking if you are not handicapped. Why is that so difficult?
An alert Greenwood Village police officer is credited with a large marijuana bust after noticing a suspicious vehicle parking in a handicapped spot at a local motel.

The unidentified officer saw the parked vehicle Wednesday evening and talked to two females in the car. While talking to them, he noticed that the steering column had been damaged.

The officer called in the license plate and it came back as stolen out of New Mexico, police said. When he took the two females into custody for auto theft, he said one of them mentioned there were drugs in the vehicle.

A K-9 unit from Arapahoe County uncovered 265 pounds of marijuana in the car, with a street value of $525,000, police said.
Methinks they were partaking of their own product.

Just a quick personal note for all who care: I went to the doctor, and my current back problems aren't all that serious. It was just a different kind of muscle spasms. She did some simple manipulations, and recommended physical therapy, something no doctor has done up to now. I think i'm gonna like this doctor.

On the home front, the fridge has just about officially died. We're gonna have to buy a new one. But not this weekend. Sir Mugley is actually gonna take his nose out of the books for one day, and he's going fishing. The crappie are running right now, and he wants to get in on it. I hope he's very successful. I'm getting tired of catfish. Which is what we had for lunch today.

And, one last note, I made my appointment for the eye surgeon. It's just the initial consultation, but I'm not going to chicken out. I'm gonna see him in May. Soonest appointment I could get.

Now, back to our regularly scheduled blogging...

Hi, everybody! Just a quick note to say I'm back from my brief depression over "the case" and I'll be posting in just a few hours. I just didn't have any interest in April Fool's this year, although my kids could verify I'm a pretty good prankster. I've been called evil on occasion. Anyway, blogging will resume in a few hours.

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