Day By Day© by Chris Muir.

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Ladies, get out your hankies. Everybody's favorite Southern Rocker, Bo Bice has tied the knot with his long-term girlfriend in Alabama. Try not to cry too hard, girls.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

This is too funny. The Florida Democratic Party is desperately low on funds. In fact, the IRS has slapped a lien on the Party for not paying their 2003 taxes. Our lawmakers at work, folks.

Okay music lovers. They're ba-ack! William "She Bang" Hung and Billy Ray Cyrus are teaming up for a new album. God help us all. It's scheduled for release on July 12. That will give us all time to puncture our eardrums.

Well that was fast. After the Supreme Court voted the way they did on eminent domain, a group has filed papers to use E.D. to take Justice Souter's property and put up a hotel. This is going to be interesting.

Shreveport, Louisiana had five dates scheduled this year for what they called "Super Safe Sunday". After two of those dates, they have turned out to be anything but safe. The first time, 150 citations were issued and a 14 year old was intentionally hit by a car. This time, several people were shot and stabbed and many fights broke out after the concert. Perhaps they should reconsider the rest of the dates.

You Are Strawberry Ice Cream
A bit shy and sensitive, you are sweet to the core.
You often find yourself on the outside looking in.
Insightful and pensive, you really understand how the world works.
You are most compatible with chocolate chip ice cream.
What Flavor Ice Cream Are You?

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Did you watch President Bush's speech tonight? I thought he did a fairly good job. Although, if you were watching ABC, you were privileged to hear George Snuffalupagus spew his bile afterward. I wasn't surprised at all, except that the criticism was so brief. I'm sure they will carry on at various websites around the country.

Okay, folks. The animals are running amok in the midwest. A few days ago I heard on the news they found an alligator in Stockton Lake, which is about 5 miles from my house here in Southwest Missouri. Now there's a kangaroo running loose around the South Bend, Indiana airport. What's going on?

This must have been one desperate peeping tom. 45 year old Gary Moody, from Gardiner, Maine, was arrested as a peeping tom when a teenage girl found him watching her from inside the hole in an outhouse. Yech!

Delaney Jessica Buzzell is one very lucky little girl. She has parents who thrive on pain. Little Delaney was born three weeks early, yet she still weighed 13 pounds, 12 ounces. Her parents also have two other children at home, the smallest of which weighed 10 pounds 8 ounces. Why would a woman want to go through that three times? My babies were both small (5 lb 12 oz, 4 lb 12 oz) and I wouldn't want to go through it again. Her smallest baby weighed the same as both of mine put together.

Monday, June 27, 2005

If any of you are genealogy buffs, you know how easy it is to get consumed by the research. That's what I've been doing lately. I'm working on my dad's side of the family, and I've found a ton of information lately. One tiny branch I've gotten well into the BC era. I've been spending a lot of time working on that since I've been in seclusion (see last post). I've got one 3-inch binder full and am working on another one. So much information, so little time...

How are y'all doin'? We're in the middle of a minor drought here in Missouri. We only had about 1 inch of rain last month, and not much this month so far. We're not expecting any until at least Thursday, and the temperatures are supposed to get even higher Tuesday (95) and Wednesday (98). You know, when I was a kid, and daylight savings time was now, we always threw a fit when we had to go to bed before dark. I'm gladly doing so now, as we only have a window air conditioner (in the bedroom), and the other rooms get too warm in the evenings. So we haul everything we need into the bedroom and camp out until morning. Even now, it's still over 70 degrees. The air is on almost full blast, and Sir Mugley is perspiring. Please somebody do a quick rain dance for us, okay?

If you rape someone, and her family doesn't get a chance to kill you, you should consider yourself lucky and leave it at that. But some people aren't that smart. Of course, if they were smart they wouldn't have committed the crime in the first place. But I digress. Antonio Soriano was convicted of raping a young girl and was sent to prison for 9 years in 1998. He recently was permitted a three day furlough and, foolishly, he went to his hometown. As it happens, he saw the girl's mother on the street and, instead of going a different way, decided to taunt her about her daughter. Big mistake. After he went into a local bar, mom decided to take care of the problem. She entered the bar, poured a bottle of gasoline over his head, and set him on fire. Go Mama!

I see Corey "sour grapes" Clark was cited for misdemeanor battery when he got into a food fight with his record company manager. That's a great way to enhance your career, wouldn't you agree?

This is so bizarre. I read yesterday that Paul Winchell, the man who voiced the lovable Tigger, had passed away. Now today I read that John Fiedler has died. He served as the voice of little Piglet. If I were one of the voices in a Winnie the Pooh movie, I'd be a little nervous about now.

Dennis Rader, AKA the BTK Killer, pleaded guilty today to 10 counts of first degree murder. Thank God. It's too bad Kansas can't give him the death penalty, but at least he won't be on the streets anymore.

Friday, June 24, 2005

There's a new product on the market and it's so successful it's on backorder: hufu. Hufu is a tofu-based product that supposedly has the taste and texture of human flesh. Y'all are welcome to it; I'm seriously not interested in this stuff. And never will be. Ick!

A woman in Kentucky was deligted to find out she'd won a 100 grand from a radio station. But her smile turned to a frown when she found out the 100 grand she won was a 100 Grand candy bar. So she has sued the radio station. Another case of counting your chickens before they've hatched. Seriously, how many radio stations would have the wherewithal to give away 100 Thousand Dollars? Not many, I'd wager. They offered her $5,000 in a settlement of the dispute, but she won't settle for less than $100,000. I hope the judge throws out the case. They never said it was a hundred thousnd DOLLARS, only a 100 Grand.

This latest Supreme Court ruling is one of the most dangerous we've seen since Roe v. Wade.
The Supreme Court on Thursday ruled that local governments may seize people's homes and businesses — even against their will — for private economic development.

The 5-4 ruling represented a defeat for some Connecticut residents whose homes are slated for destruction to make room for an office complex. They argued that cities have no right to take their land except for projects with a clear public use, such as roads or schools, or to revitalize blighted areas.

As a result, cities now have wide power to bulldoze residences for projects such as shopping malls and hotel complexes in order to generate tax revenue.

Local officials, not federal judges, know best in deciding whether a development project will benefit the community, justices said.
So unless you live in one of the following states, you too could lose your property to a strip mall:
South Carolina
Any state not listed here needs to pass legislation at the earliest possible moment to keep eminent domain from stealing your homes. It is just too easy to abuse this law.

The wife of a British DJ had put up with a lot from her off-the-wall husband. But when he started joking about leaving his family for a model, that was the last straw.
Listening at home to his show on Kerrang 105.2, Hayley Shaw was outraged at her husband's flirting with the model and decided to hit him where it hurt by putting his £25,000 Lotus Esprit Turbo up for sale on eBay.

In one of the great acts of marital revenge she offered the black sports car for a price of 50p. "I need to get rid of this car immediately - ideally in the next 3-4 hours before my cheating arsehole husband gets home to find it gone and all his belongings in the street," read the posting on the internet auction site.

Unsurprisingly it did not hang around and the buyer, contacted by a local newspaper, asked to remain anonymous.
How much was she expected to put up with, really? Seriously, if it had been my car, I would have had a fit.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

An 82 year old man learned a valuable lesson last week. You should never try to siphon gas from a running automobile with a vacuum cleaner. He suffered burns over 20% of his body. Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks? He learned how to stop, drop and roll, didn't he?

Bernie Ecclestone apologized over the weekend for his remarks regarding women in racing. Sort of.
Ecclestone made news last week with his comments made in response to Patrick's fourth-place finish at the Indianpolis 500.

Asked about Patrick's success, Ecclestone acknowledged her strong finish, but then made an assessment about women racing with men that caused a stir, saying, "You know I've got one of those wonderful ideas ... women should be dressed in white like all the other domestic appliances."

On Saturday, Patrick received a phone call from Ecclestone, in which he complimented her on her performance at the Indy 500. But Ecclestone caught Patrick off guard when he repeated to her his statement about women and "domestic appliances."
Boy does he have a lot to learn. Guys, you can think it all you want. But you should never, ever say it out loud. Especially if there's a reporter around.

There's a giant table and chair in the middle of a heath in England. It is said to be a sculpture, but to me it looks like it belongs on top of a beanstalk. Art is sooo objective, isn't it?

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Not everything that happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. News of stupid criminals travels everywhere. Alejandro Martinez decided to rob a pizza place. But first he ordered a pizza, and while he was waiting filled out a job application, with his correct name and address. After he received the pizza, he pulled a gun and demanded money. A witness got his license plate number as he made his escape. It's cases like this which make me wish they could tack on a few more years for stupidity.

This is real determination. Two women have been sitting in a PT Cruiser convertible for 20 days in order to win it. Now, I'd love to have a PT Cruiser. It would be perfect for me. However, sitting in one for twenty days and counting, with only four five-minute breaks a day, is just a little much for me.

This is one of the most ridiculous publicity stunts I've heard about in a long, long time.
An attempt to raise the world's largest ice pop in a city square ended with a scene straight out of a disaster film — but much stickier.

The 25-foot-tall, 17 1/2-ton treat of frozen Snapple juice melted faster than expected Tuesday, flooding Union Square in downtown Manhattan with kiwi-strawberry-flavored fluid that sent pedestrians scurrying for higher ground.
If I worked at Snapple, someone in the Advertising Department would be looking for another job. That stunt is going to cost them a fortune. How could they possibly think a giant popsicle would last in a New York summer?

I knew I had a love for big cats, such as lions and tigers, but this reinforces it.
ADDIS ABABA, Ethiopia - A 12-year-old girl who was abducted and beaten by men trying to force her into a marriage was found being guarded by three lions who apparently had chased off her captors, a policeman said Tuesday.
Isn't that great? Go Lions! By the way, if the lions had not interceded, this child had a lousy fate ahead of her.
The girl, missing for a week, had been taken by seven men who wanted to force her to marry one of them, said Sgt. Wondimu Wedajo, speaking by telephone from the provincial capital of Bita Genet, about 350 miles southwest of Addis Ababa.

She was beaten repeatedly before she was found June 9 by police and relatives on the outskirts of Bita Genet, Wondimu said. "If the lions had not come to her rescue, then it could have been much worse. Often these young girls are raped and severely beaten to force them to accept the marriage," he said.
Some people think this was a miracle. When they arrived to save the girl, the lions left her side and went back into the forest. But why did they save her?
Stuart Williams, a wildlife expert with the rural development ministry, said the girl may have survived because she was crying from the trauma of her attack.

"A young girl whimpering could be mistaken for the mewing sound from a lion cub, which in turn could explain why they didn't eat her," Williams said.
My kind of critters, for sure.

Two guys driving in Victoria had a freak accident involving, of all things, a wombat.
Victorian Police are describing a freakish accident in far-east Gippsland this morning as something out of a Hollywood movie.

Two workmen were driving their twin-cab utility to the Mallacoota Airport when the car hit a wombat crossing the road.

Senior Constable Mark Tregellas says the car then crashed through a guard rail and became airborne off the side of the bridge. "And landed on a tree that was about 20 feet above the creek across from the bridge," he said.

"They teetered there and basically fell off the tree into the creek. The car was completely totalled and surprisingly both men on board were without injuries whatsoever."
I am so glad nobody was injured. I'd hate to be laughing at someone if they were in pain or something.

In Ohio, a tracto-trailer carrying 16 tons of toilets spilled its load on a ramp between two highways, causing a major traffic problem. Personally I think that was a crappy thing to do.

Wow! I wish I had learned to write this well.
A reporter for the Elyria Chronicle- Telegram in Ohio, observing the workings of pothole-filling technology for an April story on the local street department, described the Super-Patcher machine as releasing a flow of "what appeared to be greasy, black beans" following a "phlegm-textured stream of sticky tar" that "coated the pothole like a pound of snot."
What poetry! What talent! That reporter is destined for greatness!!

I see by the big clock on the wall that it's time for this week's apology by an imbecile. Senator Durbin has, sort of, apologized for his nasty remarks last week.
"Some may believe that my remarks crossed the line," the Illinois Democrat said. "To them I extend my heartfelt apologies."
I'm sorry, but that doesn't sound like a very good apology to me. It sounds like he's sorry they think he crossed the line, but he doesn't think he did. Senator McCain and others are accepting this apology. I don't think they should, but they don't care what I think.

Sometimes you just can't improve on the news. A man in Florida (where else?) woke up with a problem. He'd been shot and didn't know it.
Police say a man who woke up with a serious headache walked 12 blocks to a hospital with a swollen lip and powder burns. Doctors discovered the problem. 47-year-old Wendell Coleman had a bullet lodged in his tongue.

Coleman told police that a woman stuck a gun barrel in his mouth during a dispute around 2:30 Tuesday morning and that he heard the gun go off.
I don't know for sure, but I'm guessing there was alcohol involved.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Here's the latest waste of food story. Iowa Falls, Iowa has built the world's largest pizza. Enough for 50,000 people. I'm sorry, but these stories drive me crazy. They could have taken the ingredients, or the money they cost, and fed a large number of people who don't have enough to eat. That, to me, is much more impressive than a world record.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

How about that U.S. Grand Prix up in Indianapolis? After the first introductory lap, all the cars but six pulled off into the pits, refusing to run on the Michelin tires they claimed were unsafe. Needless to say, the fans were not happy. I'm on the drivers' side in this one. They weren't allowed to change tires, and the officials with the power refused to make changes to the track to keep the drivers safe. I wouldn't have run the race either. Maybe some good will come of this.

Brazil has beaten us, and it's time we face the fact. Fully 40% of their automobile fuel is sugar-based ethanol. After their last oil crisis, they vowed it wouln't happen again. They expect to be completely free of petroleum fuel in the next few years. We should be ashamed.

You know you have too much money, when you waste $18,000 on a bar of soap. Oh, it was no ordinary bar of soap, you ssy. It was made from the fat lipo-sucked out of the body of Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi. That makes it special, you say. Okay then, you wasted $18,000 on a bar of soap you'll never use. Brilliant.

A tennis referee named Alan Mills is raising a ruckus now that he's retiring. He wants all the grunting being done by the players to stop. I totally agree. They sound like they're trying to solve a constipation problem, not playing a game. Yes, it should stop. But why hasn't he tried doing something about it before now? Why wait until he's leaving? Wuss.

A woman in Bloomington, Illinois is going on trial for murdering her boyfriend. She claims it was self-defence to stab him 42 times. The problem with that is her former boyfriend was a polio survivor who used a wheelchair and only had the use of one hand. Sounds to me like she's going to have to have the trial moved to California if she wants to be acquitted.

Talk about your rude awakenings. A man in Pine Bluff, Arkansas woke suddenly when a car landed on top of him. The driver had fallen asleep during his drive home. His car left the highway, traversed a grassy area, clipped a telephone pole, ruptured a gas main, and went through the poor guy's bedroom wall. The driver and his wife are all right, and the man in the bed is in serious but stable condition. He was very fortunate. Except for the fact that it doesn't look like the driver had any insurance.

I'm sure you've all heard about Dean Schwartzmiller by now. He's the pedophile suspected of molesting more than 36,000 kids. How was that possible? How do you keep that many kids quiet? And why was he even on the street? 12 years ago he was sentenced in Oregon on his third conviction for molesting boys. He shouldn't even be on the street, let alone sharing a house with another pedophile. Let's hope they get it right this time, and let this monster rot in jail. He'll still be getting off easy.

Happy fathers day to all you fathers out there. If your dad is still living, let him know how much you appreciate the fact he didn't let you have it when you were a kid. He brought you into this world, and he could have taken you out, but he didn't.

I was watching television today, and a commercial came on for Chevy. Several people were strolling through a dealership, and an announcement is made that all vehicles would be sold with employee discounts. Everyone goes berserk and calls dibs on various cars. That made me start to wonder: What is a dib? Anyone have any idea? Stuff like this drives me up a tree sometimes.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Just a quick run of the weekly news: Tom and Katie are now engaged (who cares?), Mike Tyson got beat by a white guy (laughing my butt off!), Terri's autopsy couldn't tell what caused her problems in the first place (didn't expect them to after fifteen years, did you?). We finally got some rain this week, although we could use a bit more. And I'm finally starting to feel like a human being again.

Don't you just hate it when they change your meds and you have to readjust?

And the topper, my baby is moving back to Missouri. He's due to get on a bus in about a week or so. I don't know the exact date yet. He's already got a line on a job and he's going to live with his sister until he finds a place for his family. Then they'll be coming too. Man, my arms are figuratively aching to hold those babies. They sound so wonderful. Their pictures make me cry. And they act just like their daddy (God help us all!) I might just kiss them to death! Maybe just a real good squeeze. They'll start school looking like hourglasses.

If you're upset over the Dick Durbin idiocy, join the crowd. That loser should be run out of town on a rail, tarred and feathered. Then he should be tried for treason, along with all the others who have given aid and comfort to the enemy and encouraged the insurgents. If our congressmen had joined ranks and supported the efforts overseas instead of whining about the way the President is conducting the war, it would probably have been over by now. The insurgents would have seen our unity and purpose, and it would have demoralized them. Instead now they're using our own "leaders" words against us. If you want more go over to Jackson's Junction. If you're allergic to salty language, brace yourself or take a shot of antihistamines. He also has links to other sites covering this nonsenses.

Friday, June 17, 2005

This is an amusing story, until you think about it.
Due to an e-mail mistake by the University of Kansas, 119 students who failed all their classes during the last semester found out who shared their misfortune.
Yes, every person on the list received the entire list of students. Which is amusing. Then you think about it. 119 students failed all their classes. That should be the real story here. I'd sure like to know why, wouldn't you?

Well enough of Michael Jackson and his problems. Enough about the Runaway Bride and her weirdness. Let's talk real news. Bo Bice says he's glad he lost American Idol. He didn't want to win. It would have cramped his style. This really bothers me, mostly because he made it so far with that attitude. If he didn't want to win, why did he audition? I really like Bo's music, and have loved Southern Rock for a long time, all the way back to the Allman Brothers, original Skynnard, and Marshall Tucker Band. There's no reason he should change his style because of a contest win. Methinks he's just saying that to cover his disappointment in losing. But you decide for yourself.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Wow, what a weekend. My new doctor decided to try me on a nebulizer treatment instead of the inhalers I've been using. Unfortunately I had a bad reaction to the choice of medicine used in said nebulizer. I had serious tremors for three days. My muscles were so sore I could hardly move. It was as if I had been exercising for two days. Needless to say, they are changing medications. In the meantime, I'm almost caught up on my rest. When your muscles run a marathon without you, it's kind of exhausting. So today, I'm almost back to normal, and I hear that pathetic jury decision. Have they ever convicted a celebrity in California? Then tonight we had serious thunderstorms move through the area. Our roof started leaking over the couch and over my bed. What are the odds? And Monday was my little Delia's ninth birthday, and I couldn't wish her a Happy Birthday because she's at her other grandmother's house. I'll talk to her tomorrow. I'll talk to you all tomorrow as well.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

President Bush issued another seven pardons, bringing his grand total to 46. Of course, CNN highlights one pardon of a man "court-martialed by the Air Force in 1978". It's not until later in the article you find out he was court-martialed for making a false claim and sentenced to two whole months of hard labor. They never stop taking their little digs.

You think you have trouble in your city? Vancouver has thousands of people who don't have anywhere to go to the bathroom, so they use the streets. Makes for a real breath of fresh air?

A police officer responding to a call about a man hit by a car accidentally ran over the man when he got there. Turns out later that the man was already dead when the officer got there. Don't you know that officer was sweating that one?

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Have you ever had a burning desire to wear the body parts of animals on your body? Well, this is your lucky day!

Click here to see the Mercedes-Benz concept car, the Bionic Car. 70 mpg and it's just so blasted ugly. You'll feel like you're riding inside a pugdog. At least that's what it looks like to me.

A 16 year old kid down in Georgia was mowing his yard when he saw a freakin' big snake headed toward his dogs. He ran to the house and got his rifle, and when he got back out there he got too close to the snake. When he tried to shoot it, he shot himself in the leg. Perhaps he should go to work for the Pittsburgh Police Department. They can't even shoot themselves.

Guys, if you're in Africa and get a sudden urge to rape a woman, be very, very careful:
A rape victim once wished for teeth "where it mattered". Now a device has been designed to "bite" a rapist's penis. The patented device looks and is worn like a tampon, but it is hollow and attaches itself with tiny hooks to a man's penis during penetration.

"We have to do something to protect ourselves. While this will not prevent rape it will assist in identifying attackers and securing convictions," claims Sonette Ehlers, inventor of the device.
Yikes! You fellas may not want to read further, as it gives details of how the device works:
In the event of rape, the device folds itself around the rapist's penis, attaching to the skin with microscopic hooks. It is only when the rapist withdraws that he will realise the device is clamped around his penis.

'He will have to be put under anaesthetic to have it removed' "Its design will also go a long way towards lowering HIV infection as semen is contained in the device ... as well as preventing sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies," Ehlers says.

As it is impossible to remove the device from a penis without medical help, hospitals and clinics will be able to alert police when assistance is sought.
"This will rule out any possibility of the rapist's escaping arrest and speed up conviction."

If the rapist tries to remove the device, it will only embed itself further. "He will have to be put under anaesthetic to have it removed. He will not be able to leave it as he will be unable to urinate."
Oh my goodness. What happens if a woman's wearing one of these and her date goes farther than she'd planned? WOW!

Bob and Julie Allen of Shelbyville, Kentucky are in for a run of good luck. Their latest calf is a pure white buffalo, a symbol of good fortune among the Lakota. They are extremely rare, only about 16 in every 1 million. Her grandfather, Chief Joseph, was a prize-winning bull struck by lightning on Sept. 11, 2001, and died two weeks later.

Here's a strange story for you tonight. Since you have to jump through hoops to read it, I'll just post the pertinent passages for you.
RUSSIAVILLE, Ind. - When Bonnie Flynn feels like horsing around, she just loads Vinnie into her Dodge Neon. Vinnie is her miniature horse.

She says the little horse fits just fine in the front seat of her little car. Flynn is the founder of a horseback riding program for people with disabilities in Indiana called EquiVenture.

She often takes Vinnie to schools in the area. She says he's small and gentle and kids get a kick of the little guy. But Flynn says it seemed silly to hook up a big horse trailer to transport Vinnie, so she taught him how to ride in the front seat.
I thought you'd like that.

This is the stupidest tabloid-type article I've seen in a long time. Who ever heard of a catgarooky?

I can almost hear the gay and lesbian advocacy groups howling now. A 23 year old man in Italy lost his driver's license because he was gay. The court subsequently reinstated the license. But their reasoning is fascinating.
The court on the Mediterranean island said being gay was merely "a personality disturbance" which had no bearing on a person's ability to drive, Ansa news agency reported.
A personality disturbance? What a hoot!

You really got to give it to the border guards. They really know how to keep out the bad element.
On the morning of April 25, Gregory Despres hitchhiked to the Canadian border crossing at Calais, Maine, carrying a homemade sword, a hatchet, a knife, brass knuckles and a chain saw stained by what appeared to be blood.

Customs officials confiscated the cache of weapons and fingerprinted Despres, but allowed him to enter the United States -- not knowing the gruesome scene about to unfold in the hitchhiker's hometown.

The following day, in the village of Minto, New Brunswick, the decapitated body of a well-known country musician named Frederick Fulton was discovered on his kitchen floor. Police found the 74-year-old man's head in a pillow case under a kitchen table and the body of his common-law wife, Veronica Decarie, stabbed to death in a bedroom.
Why was he allowed in, you ask? He was an American citizen, and there were no warrants out for him yet. But you'd think the bloody clothes and weapons would have been a good enough clue to keep him in custody. Read it for yourself, and decide if the guards did the right thing.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Ethan Bernardi, an off duty police officer in Charleston, SC pulled over a Volkswagen Jetta on suspicion that the car was stolen. He called in backup officers, and arrested the three people in the car. And what was the clue that the car was stolen? It was his car. It had been stolen a day or so before.

Two police officers and a shooting suspect got into a shootout in Pittsburgh. They fired a total of 103 shots between the three of them, and nobody got wounded. All that shooting in a residential neighborhood, and nobody was injured. Looks like Pittsburgh needs to teach their cops how to shoot.

A woman in Floral Park, NY heard a loud thump on her roof. When she went outside to investigate, she found a leg on her front lawn. Apparently a man stowed away in the wheel well of a plane, and when the pilot lowered the wheel, he was torn apart by the mechanism. Eeeewww!

Goodbye, Mrs. Robinson. Anne Bancroft, the wonderful actress who tempted Dustin Hoffman in The Graduate, has passed away at age 73 of cancer. She was sophisticated, and beautiful. I was amazed when I found out she was married to Mel Brooks. Talk about night and day. She will be missed. Actresses like her don't come along very often.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

What Pulp Fiction Character Are You?

You're sweet, but not naive -- though you like to be babied like a child at times. You prefer to have a bad boy by your side, but sometimes have problems understanding why he has to run off to take care of business. You want to settle down, yet deep down inside, you are excited by the surprises life throws your way.

Take the What Pulp Fiction Character Are You? quiz.

Monday, June 06, 2005

Two men found themselves in the middle of a herd of sheep. Since the shepherd was nowhere to be seen, they decided to help themselves to a sheep. They picked out a big one and wrestled it into the back of the car. Then they ran into a problem. The sheep wouldn't let them in. Turns out they had wrangled a Caucasian Sheepdog. The shepherd felt sorry for them and let them go. He figured they'd suffered enough.

Carlton Cox, age 75, was working in his garden with his son Marty, when he was suddenly struck down by a heart attack. Marty worked a long time trying to resuscitate his father, but it was no use. While he was waiting for emergency help to arrive, Marty also had a fatal heart attack. Their funerals were held together.

They had a serious problem with Chicago's Lakeshore Marathon this year. Among other smaller snafus, they had a last-minute change in the course, and added a mile to the length of the marathon. Needless to say, the entrants were not pleased.

The sheriff of Seminole County, Florida wants to change policy on dealing with emergencies such as hurricane evacuation. He wants a separate shelter set up for sex offenders. He feels that's the only safe way to handle the situation. And for kicks, if a sex offender doesn't show up at the emergency shelter he would be in violation of his parole. I'm no fan of sex offenders by a long shot, but there's something very wrong with this plan.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

A student in England was fined eighty British pounds for "being drunk and shouting homophobic comments at a police horse." You heard me. Read it yourself.

This makes me just livid. Hospital officials in England are considering banning Bibles from hospital rooms. They cite two reasons: Bibles are insensitive to other religions, and they may be a health risk. This is ridiculous. People who are opposed to Christians are going to come up with any reason to get rid of the Bible, because they are afraid of it. Do you really think for one minute they would ban the Koran because it's insensitive to other religions? Of course not.

A woman in Russia almost lost her hand when she tried to clean her son's aquarium. She thought it was occupied by goldfish, when in reality they were pirahnas. I'm not sure how you make that mistake, frankly. My husband had a beautiful pirahna when we got married. First, it wasn't gold; and second, it had visible teeth. If you see teeth on a goldfish, beware. It may be a pirahna or barracuda in disguise.

For the record, I loved that fish. It really was beautiful. We had to sell it when we moved to southern Missouri.

When it's your time to go, it doesn't matter what you're doing. Stephen Gable found that out the hard way. He was riding his motorcycle down the highway, and got hit by a boat. The boat became detached from its trailer and hit Mr. Gable. The story points out that he wasn't wearing his helmet, although I'm not sure it would have made much difference in this case.

They had a real good turnout at the memorial service for Missouri's Confederate soldiers. About 400 people attended the ceremony, at which the Confederate flag was flown. Gov. Blunt agreed to let it be flown for one day a year. This is pathetic. I'm opposed to slavery, but the Confederate flag was not a symbol of slavery. It was a symbol of the rights of states to decide their own future, rather than being subject to a federal government which was neglecting their needs. Sure slavery was a part of the old South, but it wasn't the only thing in the South. Those soldiers fought and died for the rights of their states to decide their own destiny. Why can't the flag be flown at the Confederate cemetery? It's not being flown anywhere else in the state.

There's a type of Cannonball Run going on out west this weekend. The 2005 Players Run started in Seattle and ends in Las Vegas, stopping in cities along the way to collect playing cards in order to make a poker hand. The cars aren't supposed to be racing, as there is no first, second, or third, but that hasn't stopped 12 of them from getting tickets for their driving skills. Let's hope nobody wrecks any of those very expensive cars they're driving. That would be such a waste.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Sometimes people completely baffle me. A woman put an 8-inch french fry on eBay for sale, and it sold for $197.50. What are you going to do with one french fry?

I always knew that Penn and Teller were exceptional magicians, and that they had strange senses of humor. However, I didn't realize Penn Jillette was an idiot. His wife just gave birth to a baby girl. They have saddled this poor child with the worst name I've ever heard: Moxie CrimeFighter Jillette. They should be charged with child abuse. Can you imagine the torture she'll go through in school?

For the second time, Kelowna General Hospital has let someone die. A man delivered a dying man to the hospital parking lot, and the staff refused to come out and get him. They advised the man to call 911 and wait for an ambulance. By the time they finished arguing about it and an ambulance came, the ill man had been dead for several hours. This isn't the first time. Supposedly after that incident, the hospital changed their policy. I guess they forgot to tell the staff.

Oscar Pistorius has created a small dilemma. This 18-year-old South African has broken the record set by U.S. sprinter Brian Frasure by running the 220 yard dash in 21.97 seconds. What's the dilemma, you ask? Well, Oscar is a bilateral below-the-knee amputee. The question is whether he would be allowed to run in the able-bodied Olympics, or be limited to the Special Olympics. What do you think?

Florida has done it again. Seminole County has a real problem. Their top judge has decreed that if the state cannot provide to defendants how a breathalyzer works, the results of the test cannot be admitted in court. The word has spread that if you want the results tossed, just ask for the information. The conviction rate for DWI's has dropped to around 50%.

Sherlock Holmes Lives! At least that's what a group of authors are planning. Sherlock is starring in a whole new batch of stories. If you're a fan like I am, this may be your lucky day.

For your delight, Dog Snot Diaries presents "40 Reasons for Gun control".

Friday, June 03, 2005

Oh, yeah. That's me all right....

Your Expression Number is 9
An idealist and humanitarian, you strive to make the world a better place.
You do your best when you follow your feelings and sense of compassion.
Deep down, you dream of being loved by many.

You are capable of much human understanding and have a lot to give to others.
While you are very ambitious, you never lose site of perspective.
You have an abundance of creative talents... you just need to tap into them.

Although you are a giving person, you can become selfish if you are ignored.
If you are not able to help people, you tend to shelf your talents.
Without others, you become aloof and start to lack sensitivity.

What's Your Expression Number?

Thursday, June 02, 2005

I'm gonna go all grandmotherly on you here. If you don't read any other posts here today, please read this one. I wasn't going to write it, but something tells me someone needs to read it. Perhaps it is you. Warning: Explicit Details Not Suitable For Small Children. I wrote a few days ago (scroll down) about a fatal car wreck. We are supposed to attend a funeral this afternoon for a dear man who died a horrific death. I want you to know why. Doug was a generous man, he'd barter with anyone if they needed something. But he had a problem. Doug liked to drink. A lot. At the city's Buffalo Days celebration, he spent a good deal of the time in the bar on the square. He was drunk when he was driving his pickup truck home that afternoon, carrying his fiancee, his best friend's son, and his own 14 year old son. He lost control of the truck on a curve, went into the ditch, then over-corrected and hit two other cars, one of them head-on. The people in the car he side-swiped just got cuts and bruises. The woman in the car he hit head-on (also a friend of ours) had her pelvis broken in two places. She has small children at home to care for, when she gets out of the hospital. As for the pickup truck, his fiancee was killed instantly. His best friend's son was bleeding from his ears and eyes; he is on life-support and not expected to progress past vegetable status. Doug's son is getting out of the hospital later this morning. He says he doesn't remember the wreck; for now this is a good thing. He will eventually remember. And Doug? Doug was trapped in the truck. He was seriously injured. Then the truck caught on fire. The first officer on the scene said Doug was begging her to shoot him, please. She left as soon as the fire department got there. He was screaming for someone to kill him, to cut his legs off and get him out, anything. There was nothing they could do. Doug burned alive in that truck that afternoon. The only part of his body that didn't burn was the soles of his feet. It is his funeral we will be attending. Please think about this before you get behind the wheel. Whether you've been drinking or not, someone probably has been. Young Jesse will have to live with what happened for the rest of his life, plus he will probably have to deal with survivor's guilt. That's something no one should have to do. Don't let alcohol ruin your life or the lives of your friends.

What are the odds, really? A 6 year old race horse named Rain, Hail or Shine died Wednesday after being struck by lightning. How shocking!

Is everybody ready for Rambo 4? Well, get ready, kids, because it's coming. Stallone is ready to start filming in January, this time going up against white supremacists trying to take out his wife and daughter. Oh boy oh boy oh boy!

Peter Cordani is a Florida businessman who's sick and tired of hurricanes. He's the CEO for Dyn-O-Gel, a polymer used to absorb moisture. He plans to use it against a tropical storm to see how effective it would be against hurricanes. I can't imagine it would work, but I wish him luck. I'd like to know, however, what he does with the polymer after it has absorbed all the water. I'm sure the enviromental wackos are wondering the same thing.

Here's a good piece of advice for you: If you have a wasp's nest outside your home, don't try to get rid of it with a 12-gauge shotgun. That's what a Houston man used, and one of the pellets went into a nearby apartment and hit a five year old boy in the thigh. He now faces charges in the matter. Don't let this happen to you.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Okay listen up, you Idol wannabees. The auditions for American Idol 5 will be held in Austin, San Diego, Memphis, Chicago, Atlanta, Denver, and Boston. Get your voices ready now.

How about all the houses in Laguna Beach that were destroyed by the landslide early this morning. They say it wasn't caused by rainfall weakening the hillside, because they'd only had a little rain in the last month. Personally, I think it was probably a very minor earthquake, just strong enough to destabilize the hillside. But what do I know. I know I wouldn't build a 2-3 million dollar home on a hillside known for landslides. That much I know.

Looks like the news is full of petty complaints today. In Ottawa, a woman is in danger of losing her mail service because her front step is four inches too high. Old ladies can handle it. Newspaper deliverymen can handle it. But a mailman can't step that high. Boo hoo.

Neil Armstrong is throwing a hissy fit. Seems his now-former barber sold some of his hair clippings for $3,000 to a hair collector. Now Armstrong wants the hair back. Now, I'm not a lawyer, but it seems to me that once the hair was cut and on the floor, since he didn't demand it then and there, he no longer had any right to it. Like when you throw something in the trash, it's fair game for anyone who comes along. Either way, he's being a big baby about this. It's not like the hair won't grow back. Nobody's trying to clone him. He should just let it go, instead of looking like a shmuck.

James Ross of Godfrey, Illinois, can't seem to figure out who he is. He's been arrested in the past for posing as: police officer, paramedic, fire fighter, and mortician. Now he is in jail for posing as an appliance repairman. Poor guy. Maybe he'll do better posing as an inmate.

You may have heard about this last Friday, but I just heard it today. The FDA announced that Able Laboratories has recalled all their products from the market. This is due to some type of manufacturing problems. Click on the link to see if any of the medications you take are on the recall list. Able Labs makes generic medications, so you'll have to check the markings on the pills or the lot number of the liquid medicines.

The Colima Volcano in Western Mexico is shooting its mouth off again. Hit the link to see a really cool picture of the blast.

All right, everybody mark your calendars. June 3rd is Doughnut Day. In honor of Doughnut Day, Krispy Kreme is giving away free doughnuts to their customers. Woo hoo!

Neighbors in East Russia don't deal well with teens having noisy parties. In this country, we might call the police or go over to the home and ask them to be quiet. But in Russia, the neighbors threw a grenade into the party. Three kids were treated for shrapnel wounds. Aren't you glad you live here?

A group of 15 conservative scholars and public policy leaders were brought together by Human Events to determine the 10 most harmful books of the 19th and 20th centuries. For those of you who can't click on the link because you're too tired or whatever, here's the list:

1. Communist Manifesto
2. Mein Kampf
3. Quotations from Chairman Mao
4. The Kinsey Report
5. Democracy and Education
6. Das Kapital
7. The Feminine Mystique
8. The Course of Positive Philosophy
9. Beyond Good and Evil
10. General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money
I think I would have put Origin of the Species in there somewhere.

Why is it when a school tries to do something good for a change, they always seem to go overboard? A school in Edmonton has 2 out of 400 students who are allergic to milk. Their solution? Banning the sale of milk in the school. Too much, people. Just don't sell the milk to those students. It seems simple enough. You cannot go about banning every substance someone may be allergic to. There won't be anything left.

I love wolves. They are beautiful and mysterious, and they mate for life. And they are all too often demonized, and blamed for every misfortune befalling ranchers near their habitats. So I was happy to read that the Wolf Sanctuary over near St. Louis has developed a non-surgical way to artificially inseminate Mexican grey wolves. They are on the endangered species list, and this could be a way to repopulate the species without disrupting their lives.

I guess today's a day for disappointment. St. John's Rectory church has installed Wi-Fi for their congregation.
Britain's largest fixed-line telecoms operator said on Tuesday it had installed a Wi-Fi wireless network access point, known as a hotspot, in Reverend Keith Kimber's St John's Rectory church in the city of Cardiff.

"The church has to move with the times and I wanted to make St John's a sanctuary for everyone, including business people with laptops and mobiles," Kimber said in a statement issued by BT. "I have no problem with people quietly sending an email or surfing the Internet in church, as long as they respect the church."
Sometimes all you can do is sigh. Words escape me.

I guess today's a day for disappointment. St. John's Rectory church has installed Wi-Fi for their congregation.
Britain's largest fixed-line telecoms operator said on Tuesday it had installed a Wi-Fi wireless network access point, known as a hotspot, in Reverend Keith Kimber's St John's Rectory church in the city of Cardiff.

"The church has to move with the times and I wanted to make St John's a sanctuary for everyone, including business people with laptops and mobiles," Kimber said in a statement issued by BT. "I have no problem with people quietly sending an email or surfing the Internet in church, as long as they respect the church."
Sometimes all you can do is sigh. Words escape me.

So the mystery is revealed. Mark Felt, former second-in-command in the FBI, has revealed that he was "Deep Throat", the mysterious entity who leaked information to the Washington Post. The information ultimately brought down Richard Nixon's presidency. I can't begin to tell you how disappointed I am. As I've mentioned before, Watergate was my introduction to politics. I'm sure many people my age had pictured "Deep Throat" as a romantic notion, a fighter for truth and justice. We certainly never figured he was a petulant government worker who was pissed off that he was passed over for promotion. What a pathetic person he turned out to be.

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