Day By Day© by Chris Muir.

Monday, May 30, 2005

Kim duToit is looking for 100 homeschooling families to test a new homeschooling software system, which would provide everything you need to school your child properly. Check it out and let him know if you're interested.

Here's a short story for you. A woman finds an abandoned baby squirrel. She takes it home, where her cat adopts it as one of its own. News reporter finds out about it and wants to do a story. Okay so far, right? Well, the reporter starts to interview the woman, when all of a sudden, the little adopted squirrel jumps on her leg. That was the last thing the little squirrel did. The reporter freaked out, and started jumping up and down, squashing the baby in the process. Needless to say, the woman who owned the cat was less than pleased. This story did not have a happy ending.

Click here for a list of the scents most likely to get you some action. You'll be surprized by number one. I know I was.

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Robert Mugabe has done it again. It wasn't enough to destroy the agricultural base of Zimbabwe, now he's trying to drive out the trash. He's doing this by burning out the people who voted against him.
Police are under orders to destroy "illegal dwellings" and vendors' shacks as part of a campaign to clean up the city. About half the city's urban poor live in the shacks. About 10,000 street vendors have been arrested since the crackdown began eight days ago.

(Morgan) Tsvangirai (opposition leader) said Mugabe would use the operation as a pretext for calling a state of emergency, which would give the government unlimited powers of search, seizure and detention as the country goes into a food crisis with up to 4 million people needing aid.

Before the parliamentary elections, Mugabe refused assistance, saying the country had had a "bumper harvest." His ZANU-PF party was alleged to have controlled food deliveries to influence the vote.

After seven years of unprecedented economic decline, 80 percent of the work force is unemployed, and 4 million of Zimbabwe's 16 million people have emigrated.

Agriculture, once the mainstay, has been hard hit by Mugabe's seizure of 5,000 white-owned farms for redistribution to blacks.
How much more can the people of Zimbabwe take? Why isn't the U.N. doing something about this outrage?

I guess not all French people are cowards. The French people have rejected the EU Constitution, much to the dismay of Chiraq. Poor little Jacques.

What a weekend! The highs and lows are still playing havoc with my spirit. Saturday was the 33rd annual Buffalo Days celebration in Greenfield, Missouri. Every Memorial Weekend they have arts and crafts for sale, rides for the kids, a parade, special music, and all the good food anyone could want to eat. Everyone had a real good time.

Then came the downs. There was a multi-car accident yesterday evening. Two people who I knew very well were killed, one outright, and the other was trapped in the truck and burned to death. His son was moderately injured, and fortunately didn't see what happened to his dad. Another young man, the son of a couple we know very well, is on life support. Another woman in the accident had surgery last night because her pelvis was broken in two places. This is really tough for my son-in-law. He lived next door to the couple who died, and was practically a brother to the young man on life support. In addition to that, being a volunteer firefighter, he was the first person on the scene. Unfortunately, getting there before the equipment, there wasn't much he could do for the fire victims, but he did care for the others.

We went over to the kids' house for dinner tonight, mainly because they needed someone to talk to about the accident. While we were there, we spent some time outside while the kids played in their little pool. Boy were they surprised when I took a small glass and threw water on them. Their spoil-sport mother wouldn't let them fight back. Boo hoo (not)!

And then there were the great car races today. How about that Danica Patrick! I only wish more women would get involved in race car driving. Then after the Indy 500 came the Coca Cola 600, which I haven't seen yet. I taped it while we were gone, but I'm sure it was just as exciting.

Anyway, that was my weekend. I hope yours was better.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

I've heard of economy apartments, but this is ridiculous. In London, a woman has rented a converted closet for $1,409 a month. This 5 square meter closet holds a bed, shower, and kitchenette. It's truly amazing to me that someone would pay that much money for a closet. One month's payment for her would cover my house payments for nearly a year. And I live on four acres. Who knows; maybe she doesn't inhale? If she did, she'd probably push the door open.

John Dee Kelly of New Jersey had it made. At age 39, he was vice president in a New York banking corporation. But he made a major mistake. He decided to leap out of the bushes in front of a jogger, wearing only a condom. Unfortunately for him, the jogger in question was an off-duty police officer. He's now in jail, on $202,000 bail. Idiot.

This is too much. Michelle Sikes, a deaf interpreter, was sentenced for 11 counts of sexual assault, after having relations with a 15 year old student. The kicker? She was an interpreter for Clinton High School in Arkansas. You can make your own jokes here; I'm busy making my own.

We've all heard the line, "The dog ate my homework", but a man in Shetland, England has taken that line to new heights. He claimed his dog ate his electronic ankle bracelet while he was sleeping. Amazingly, the sheriff believed him and didn't lock him up for breaching his sentence. I wonder what line he'll use next time, since he's now gotten rid of the dog?

You know, at some point in a relationship, you are just gonna have to have some trust. If your significant other purchases panties with GPS technology for you, it's time to say buh-bye!

Friday, May 27, 2005

Some days it just doesn't pay to go skydiving. The city of Yorkville, Wisconsin on Thursday was particularly bad. In one trip, a skydiver was hit by the plane he'd just jumped from. The same plane then clipped some power lines and landed in a tree. Nobody was seriously injured, but I'm sure they'll have some sore muscles to remind them of the trip.

I see the Feds think there may be a connection between Viagra and blindness. And you only thought that would happen when you were alone...

Next time you go to buy fruit, make sure you don't get any of these bogus bananas. You could spend a long time in jail regretting the choice.

You Were Actually Born Under:
Full of spunk, you are the original party animal.
You bring fun, activity, and stimulation to any event.
Self-control is not one of your strong points; you have been known to over indulge.
Cheerful and energetic, you can turn the most boring thing into something fun.

You are most compatible with a Rat or Dragon.
You Should Have Been Born Under:

You are totally loyal, faithful, and honest.
However, you don't trust others to be as ethical as you are!
Straight forward and direct, you really aren't one for small talk.
You are a great listener - and an agreeable companion when you're in a good mood!

You are most compatible with a Tiger or Horse.

What Year Were You Born Under?

Thursday, May 26, 2005

I'd like to wish my baby sister a very happy 47th Birthday today. May you have delicious cake and ice cream and lose 5 pounds. I love you, Beda.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

I think I can live with these results:

Your Lightsaber is Blue

Blue is often associated with depth and stability.
It symbolizes trust, loyalty, wisdom,
confidence, and truth.

What Colored Lightsaber Would You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

I just don't believe it! Carrie Underwood won American Idol? What happened to Bo's supporters? He should have won by a landslide after the beautiful job he did last week. I think it's starting to look like every other season is going to be a travesty of voting justice. Clay should have won in Season 2 from what I've read, and now this. I don't know if I'll go through this another season. This was my first, and I've been very disappointed with the voting in this country. I'm beginning to wonder if people remember what music sounds like.

By now the voting is all over, and tomorrow night we'll find out who the next American Idol is going to be. Many weeks ago, I said it would come down to Bo, Carrie, Vonzell or Constantine. I know, some of you don't like Constantine, but there's something about him... Anyway, last week when Bo sang that a capella number he sealed it for me. But Carrie is going to do just fine as well. I'm sure they'll both get recording contracts, if they haven't already. This was the first year I ever watched the competition through to the end, and I haven't been very disappointed.

Looks like Comedy Central is going to be cashing in on Jeopardy's success. They are creating a game show around the success of Ken Jennings, the Utah man who won 2.5 million dollars on Jeopardy a few months ago. Proof that brains can take you a long way. Answer a few questions and you, too, could have your very own game show.

I'm back! Hope y'all saved me some dessert. No, wait. Wrong group. Anyway, there's a lot going on tonight, so I'll keep the items brief for your reading pleasure.

The voice of Tony the Tiger has been silenced. Thurl Ravenscroft (what a cool name!) passed away Sunday at the age of 91. But that's not all he did:
Ravenscroft also did voices for the animated films "Cinderella," "The Jungle Book," "Mary Poppins," "Alice in Wonderland," "Lady and the Tramp" and many others.

After military service during World War II, he returned to Hollywood, where he sang with the Mellomen, a group that performed with Frank Sinatra, Danny Kaye, Rosemary Clooney and Elvis Presley.
Quite a career history, yet he'll always be known for one word: "Grrrrreat!"

Monday, May 23, 2005

I just read that Howard Morris, who portrayed that lovable hillbilly Ernest T. Bass on the Andy Griffith Show, has passed away. The episodes he was in were some of the only ones I could stand to watch today. He and Barney played off each other perfectly. A true comedic genius, in addition to the producing he did through the years.

What a week! The graduation ceremonies on Saturday were beautiful, but hot. They held commencement outdoors at 10 in the morning, which was fine. But it wasn't over until around 12:15, and by that time a lot of people were getting sunburned. I know I did. Fortunately, I was wearing a long-sleeve shirt, so I only burned on my hands and my ears (the sun was behind me). Anyway, it was a beautiful ceremony, and Congressman Roy Blunt, who used to be President of the University, was the commencement speaker. I was a little leery about it, but he only spoke for about 10 minutes. After the ceremonies, we went to our daughter's house, where we had a cookout for as much family as could attend. I was really surprised to see my older sister there, as she and her husband had a fire in their home a couple of days ago. No one was injured, but they're living in a motel right now.

Anyhoo, I'll be back to my old self tomorrow night. I'm still recovering from the bronchitis and all the excitement this weekend. Read the blogroll, click the ads. Repeat until you hear different from me. Mind your granny now!

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Here's a story that raises all kinds of questions in my mind. A woman in San Antonio, Texas had her car repossessed, while her baby was strapped in. She had to flag down a cop and get him to stop the tow truck so she could get the baby out. My questions start with: 1. Why was she at a fitness gym at midnight? 2. Why did she leave the baby in the car? 3. Why isn't she under investigation for endangering her child? Of course, we'll never know the answer to those questions.

I didn't think it was possible, but you can be down 5 points in a basketball game with four seconds left on the clock, and still come back and win the game. Click here to see it for yourself.

I'm guessing the lawmakers in Germantown, Tennessee have nothing better to do these days. They are considering an ordinance limiting the hours you could have your garage doors open. Keep it up, guys. People will realize why your name is Germantown.

Guess who's having a birthday...Gumby! The little green guy will be 50 next month. Happy birthday, dude! I wonder if Pokey is still alive...

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

And here is the current story about someone keeping too many pets in one house:
An obsessive collector of animals kept a menagerie of 246 dogs, 16 birds and seven cats in her four-bedroom house, a court heard yesterday.

Rosalind Gregson, 55, confined most of her pets to cages, often in pairs and often piled on top of each other in conditions so cramped they could not stand to their full height
I love dogs and cats just as much as the next person, but this is ridiculous. In my humble opinion, forcing these animals to live like this is not love of animals. More like a case of needing to be needed by anyone or anything. She really needs to get some help.

My favorite Batman villian died. Frank Gorshin, who was magnificent as the Riddler, passed away from lung cancer, emphysema, and pneumonia. He was 72. The really bizarre thing is, his final performance will be shown on Thursday, as he did a guest stint in the season ending CSI episode.

I got this in my e-mail today, and I knew my loyal readers would enjoy it:

Who Knew???

As I understand it, Cardinal Ratzinger was not the College of Cardinals' first choice. That was, interestingly, Cardinal Hans Grapje. Grapje was raised in a Catholic school in The Hague and, as a young man, aspired to become a priest, but was drafted into the Army during W.W.II and spent two years co-piloting bombers until his aircraft was shot down in 1943 and he lost his left arm. Captain Grapje spent the rest of the war as a chaplain, giving spiritual aid to soldiers, both Allied and enemy.

After the war, he became a priest, serving as a missionary in Africa, piloting his own plane (in spite of his handicap) to villages across the continent. In 1997, Archbishop Grapje was serving in Zimbabwe when an explosion in a silver mine caused a cave-in. Archbishop Grapje went down into the mine to administer last rights to those too severely injured to move. Another shaft collapsed, and he was buried for three days, suffering multiple injuries, including the loss of his right eye. The high silver content in the mine's air gave him purpura, a life-long condition characterized by purplish skin blotches.

Although Cardinal Grapje devoted his life to the service of God as a scholar, mentor, and holy man, church leaders felt that he should not ascend to the Papacy. They felt that the Church would never accept a one-eyed, one-armed, flying purple Papal leader.

Hi, everybody. I'm not back yet; I just wanted to let you know I'm still alive. I went to the doctor today, and right now I'm looking at an entire row of medicines I have to take to get better. And that's not all of them. I'll be getting some more when my oxygen supply place comes out again. I think I'm gonna like my new doctor. She's got me going to physical therapy (something no doctor has ever recommended to me) and is putting me on a new nebulizer medication to increase my lung capacity. I might just survive this bronchitis yet. I told her she had to hurry, because I've got graduation this weekend, plus a family cookout. She told me to take it easy, but I should be able to complete these tasks. So, please keep me in your prayers. I'm going to take a couple more days off from blogging, but I will be back. I've got to get my strength back, get a little sleep (yeah, right), and get Sir Mugley through finals week. Then graduation, cookout, collapse. I think I have it in the right order.

We did get some wonderful news this week. Sir Mugley has been accepted into the graduate school he wanted to attend. Now all we have to do is get all the paperwork done for that. He's already taken care of the financial part of that. Now comes enrollment, letters of recommendation, statement of purpose, etc. All so he can run away from home. Yeah, I forgot to mention that. He won't be living at home while he's in grad school. My kids are kinda freaked out about that. For some reason, they think I'd be helpless without him around here. They should know by now, it's just the opposite. When I'm not here, this place falls apart. He can't find anything. I don't know how he's gonna make it in school without me. I guess we'll find out. I'm kinda looking forward to having the house to myself. Maybe I can get some of this crap out of here. (Just kidding).

Also new: My wolf pack is moving back to Missouri. They've given notice on their rental house, and Wolf (my son) will be coming home in June, after Father's Day. She-wolf and the boys will follow in August, right about the time school starts. I can't wait to see my babies! I might squeeze them till their eyes pop out!!

Anyway, I'll be back in a couple of days, with all the crap I usually post. Maybe it will make more sense when I'm well. In the meantime, read the blogroll, and check out the ads. It couldn't hurt.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

This is a hoot.

Star Wars Horoscope for Leo

You add a whole new meaning to self-assurance.
You are a nurturing person with great physical strength.
Like many Leos, you will see that your mission for good is completed.
You are very optimistic about the future.

Star wars character you are most like: Princess Leia

What is Your Star Wars Horoscope?

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Well, that whole "taking care of myself" routine worked great. I woke up this morning with full-blown bronchitis. Naturally, I couldn't go to the game. Really bummed me out. Especially when I found out that Frank White, who used to play for the Royals when I got to go watch them, is now the coach of the Wichita team the Springfield Cardinals played today. Anyway, it's off to the doctor tomorrow so I can kick this crap before graduation weekend. I've got a million things to do.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

I realize I didn't blog last night, and I shant be blogging again tonight. Nothing personal gang; I've got a very raw throat and a minor fever, and two tickets to the Springfield Cardinals/Wichita Wranglers baseball game tomorrow afternoon. So I have to get rid of the former to take advantage of the latter. The Wichita team is a AA farm club for the Kansas City Royals, who totally suck this year. Of course the Springfield team is a AA club for the St. Louis Cardinals, who are totally rocking this year so far. It should be a real rout. And I don't want to miss it. I haven't been to a ball game since before we moved out of Kansas City. I can't wait. So I'm taking it easy tonight. I'll write tomorrow night for sure. See ya then.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Remember the incident with the fingertip in the chili at Wendy's? It could pay off for the rest of us this weekend. Wendy's is giving away free junior Frostys to thank their loyal customers. And it's a nationwide giveaway. So take advantage of it if you can. They say no purchase is necessary. The giveaway runs from Friday through Sunday.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

An undercover Orange County detective is suing a Florida hospital, after he went there to get a pain injection, and received instead an injection of glitter. Again, I'm confused. Why would a hospital have a syringe full of glitter? And how could that possibly be confused with pain medicine?

Whoever said fishing was dull? Not in Dublin, Ireland.
An Irish fisherman hooked more than he bargained for when a suspiciously heavy catch turned out to be a large package of cannabis, part of a submerged haul worth 400,000 euros (513,000 dollars).
After he notified police, they found 12 more packages. I wonder what he used for bait?

I would seriously like someone to explain to me why anyone would purchase a luxury suite at the Palace of Auburn Hills, new home to the Detroit Pistons, for $450,000? Especially considering these "dungeon suites" are in the basement of the building. You can't see the court; you have to watch the game on a television. I could do that at home for a whole lot less, and have money left over for important stuff.

If you don't read another of my posts, READ THIS ONE!If you use Voice over Internet Protocol (VoIP), you may not be able to contact 911 directly. At least with Vonage, you have to activate 911 availability with you sign up. Your calls to 911 could go to a general access line otherwise. If you do happen to get through to 911, your address and phone number will not register on their equipment, further delaying the help you need. Read this article and act accordingly. An oversight on something like this could get someone killed.

Here's a newlywed couple who didn't even get a chance to get freaky, because the freaky got them first:
A newly-wed couple in Shanghai have filed a complaint against a local hotel after the groom broke his arm during bedroom fun and games. Yu Haitao and bride Fang Shuling were taking part in traditional tease-the-newly-weds celebrations when Yu tumbled off the bed breaking his left arm, state media said on Wednesday...

Wedding pranks are a long-standing tradition in China, with friends and family given the chance to tease and heckle the newly-weds.
Tease-the-newly-weds celebrations? Are you kidding me? The last thing I would have wanted on my wedding night is teasing and heckling. But in Shanghai, it's a regular thing.

There are many ways to teach a train safety course. This is not the way:
Three children and an adult were treated for minor injuries after an empty, runaway railroad car crashed into the Heber Creeper, which was carrying pupils on a train safety field trip.
I think a pamphlet, perhaps a short video, would work better.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

There's a cemetery in Chicago having a little trouble right now. They're having a problem keeping their coffins in the ground. Eewww.

Can you believe the Rolling Stones are going to tour again? I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't all make it. After all, the youngest member of the group is 57. Yikes!

You really do learn something new every day, don't you? I had no idea it was illegal to ride a horse while drunk. I'll have to keep that in mind. Of course, if you ever caught me on a horse, you'd know I was drunk. I love horses, but I won't ride one. They're too darn big.

Don't forget to stop by Gut Rumbles for this week's "Carnival of the Crappers", unless you have a weak stomach, in which case you shouldn't read half the stuff on the Internet.

I stole this from Grouchy Old Cripple. I hope he doesn't mind.

Monday, May 09, 2005

I hope this Associated Press story is true, because it's really, really cool:
A newborn baby abandoned in a Kenyan forest was saved by a stray dog who apparently carried her across a busy road and through a barbed wire fence to a shed where the infant was discovered nestled with a litter of puppies, witnesses said Monday.
Man, I love dogs!

I love this story, and I think you'll love it too. But put your drinks down first, okay?
A guy was visiting his friend in the hospital who was "all torn up." "What happened?" he asked.

"Well, we were hunting the Mumba snake. It has yellow and black stripes, and likes to sun itself by lying across a pathway in the jungle. You catch it by grabbing the tip of its tail with one hand and quickly running your other hand up the length of its body so you can grab it behind the neck."

"Go on," the friend said.

"Well, I stealthily sneaked up to the tail lying across the jungle path, grabbed it by the end and rapidly moved my other hand upward ... just as the procedure described."

"So why are you so beaten up?" the friend asked.

"Did you ever goose a tiger?"

I just checked out the Huffington Post, and it looks interesting. If you are a person really into what celebrities think about stuff, you should check it out. If you really couldn't care less what celebs think, there's still other stuff there. Decide for yourself.

Sunday, May 08, 2005

For all the Star Wars geeks out there, here's a little fix to get you over: How A Lightsaber Works.

I'm not sure I totally agree with this chart, but it's hard to analyze someone with so few questions.

Your Political Profile

Overall: 80% Conservative, 20% Liberal

Social Issues: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal

Ethics: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal

How Liberal / Conservative Are You?

I hope everyone had a beautiful Mother's Day today. I certainly did. I slept late, then we had brunch while watching the taped programs from the previous week. Then I spent about two hours transcribing a practice counseling session for one of Sir Mugley's classes (man, I'm glad school is almost over). I talked to my son and daughter-in-law for a long time today. They are really getting excited about moving back here. For those who don't know, Wolf over at Pack News is my baby boy. And my daughter, who refuses to go online because she knows she'd be on it all the time, came over this evening. She brought me a hat and a card, and left with three containers of food and my four Tolkien books, the rings trilogy and the hobbit. I haven't read them, but she'll take care of them and when I have the time, I'll borrow them from her. She's gonna call Wolf and see what she can do to help them move back. They really don't want to separate for who-knows-how-long, while he sets up house. Especially considering her mother is trying to break them up. I don't think I like her very much. I've only met her once, and I didn't like her then either. I don't care for people who look down their noses at me. Anyway, it was a good day.

A young boy in Rock Hill, South Carolina middle school was arrested and charged with carrying an unlawful weapon. Was it a gun? A knife? A nail file? No. This 11 year old boy was carrying some nails in his pocket, left over from a Boy Scout outing. He threatened no one; he didn't even show them to anyone until a teacher asked him what was jingling in his pocket. Totally stupid response if you ask me.

A couple in Russia were playing a modified version of William Tell while having a picnic in the forest. The woman wound up in the hospital with a shish kebab skewer sticking out of her head. Her boyfriend was trying to demonstrate his prowess by throwing the skewers at a tree. He missed.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

I finally got a chance today to watch the spring program performed by the children in my granddaughter Gwen's Head Start class. The way these kids acted out "The Three Billy Goats Gruff" was boggling to the mind. Wolf I know you'll understand, it reminded me of the golden days of flying monkeys in a gymnasium. That professional. But that's okay; they're just kids. And they had a good time. My only complaint is that my daughter has no clue whatsoever when it comes to operating a video camera. If she wasn't shooting the back of someone's head, she completely forgot she was holding it and applauding something on stage. It was an adventure just to watch! I love my family.

I read with sadness today of the death of Peter Rodino, Jr. The former Congressman led my introduction to the world of politics. I was in high school during the Watergate Hearings, and Congressman Rodino led the investigation. Up to that point, I couldn't have cared less about the government. That all changed with those hearings. Rest in peace, sir.

Wolf over at Pack News has a special request. He and the pack are planning to move back to Missouri (yea!) and are gonna have to come up with the money to move. This is difficult when you're raising three boys. Wolf is coming back first, then she-wolf will follow with the pups when he gets a place and a job. Pray for them definitely; if you want to help, you can send me an email or post a comment on this entry, or you can go to his website and discuss it directly with him. All I know is, I'll have my baby wolf back, and finally get to meet my grandbabies! I can't tell you how that makes me feel.

Maine seems to be getting a little hoity-toity. They want to change their time zone to match one in Canada. I may have had some difficulty staying awake in Earth Science, but aren't the time zones pretty well fixed? I mean, wouldn't they have to move the state to be in a different time zone? Just askin'.

Here's an update to the farce in Benton Harbor, where the band was banned from playing Louie Louie. Well, the powers that be have changed their minds, and the song will be played after all. Enough parents complained, and a miracle took place. A school official changed her mind.

You're gonna love this: Icon War. This should get you ready for Episode III. Or not.

Friday, May 06, 2005

The pastor of the East Waynesville Baptist Church in Waynesville, North Carolina,brought about a vote to oust nine members from the congregation just because they are anti-George Bush. Last year he informed the congregation that if any of the members planned to vote for John Kerry they should leave the church. This is outrageous. It's people like Chan Chandler who give Christians a bad name. Seems to me he's the one who needs to repent.

Here's your outrage of the day. A student at Spencer High School was suspended from classes when he refused to surrender his cell phone in the middle of a phone call. The call came in during lunch, and he went outside to talk on the phone since calls are not allowed in the school during the day. The call was from his mother, who is stationed in Iraq. The school authorities would not make an exception in his case, even though that would have been the right thing to do.

UPDATE: Kevin will be back in school on Monday. Due to hundreds of calls and e-mails, the school has reduced his suspension to three days, even though the teacher denies the incident happened the way Kevin described.

There's bad luck, and then there's really bad luck. Ron Carter was being discharged from the hospital, and his mother drove to pick him up. As he left the hospital entrance, dear old mom hit the accelerator by mistake, and hit him. Then she hit a concrete pillar. They are both in the hospital now.

Some people will buy just about anything. A man, on a lark, carved a likeness of the runaway bride in a piece of toast, and posted it for sale on eBay. As of 5 p.m. Friday, he had more than 134,000 visits and 111 bids, the top bid being $15,400. That's just crazy. There are surely more important things those funds could be used for.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to obedience and warmth.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is low. Even if you're tempted, you'd try hard not to do it.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

I want to wish a very "Happy Birthday" to my favorite daughter-in-law Michele. Chele, honey, make your menfolk wait on you today. Tell 'em I said so.

A middle school band has been informed that they can't play "Louie Louie" because of complaints about the dirty lyrics.

So now, as a public service to my readers, here are the original lyrics to Louie, Louie, as written by Richard Berry:
Louie Louie, me gotta go.
Louie Louie, me gotta go.

A fine little girl, she wait for me.
Me catch the ship across the sea.
I sailed the ship all alone.
I never think I'll make it home.
Louie Louie, me gotta go .

Three nights and days we sailed the sea.
Me think of girl constantly.
On the ship, I dream she there.
I smell the rose in her hair.
Louie Louie, me gotta go.

Me see Jamaican moon above.
It won't be long me see me love.
Me take her in my arms and then
I tell her I never leave again.
Louie Louie, me gotta go."
(By Richard Berry. Copyright 1957-1963 by Limax Music Inc.)
Thank you very much.

Please, for pity's sake, if you've got to get rip-roaring drunk and want to set off fireworks, go outside. That way you'll have an inside to go back to.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Friday is International No Pants Day according to a bunch of college kids. Personally, I plan to spend most of the day in my nightie, thereby avoiding pants. However, when I go to the grocery store, I will don said pants, if only to prevent terror spreading throughout the county. If I wanted to see naked legs, I'd put mirrors in my house. That, my friends, is not gonna happen.

Is it really a good idea to build a 110-story condominium in a hurricane zone? I wouldn't want to live up there.

This is an interesting article in Front Page Magazine on the enormous number of errors that are being published in our kids' science textbooks. My favorite was, "Humans can't hear elephants." If we can't hear elephants, what the heck is that horrible sound coming from those big gray things?

There are some things you just shouldn't try to do from a distance. For example, if you're gonna rob a bank, you just have to go inside. You cannot rob a bank through the pneumatic tube system and expect to get any money. It just won't work.

An outbreak of chlamydia at the San Francisco Zoo has killed a dozen penguins. The officials figure they were infected by a seagull. Those little floozies.

If you are unfortunate enough to have the name Denise Coke, you really should avoid some activities, especially if they involve being in possession of 33 pounds of cocaine.

If your child should come home, proclaiming he or she got a full scholarship to college, you might want to make sure it's not this one.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

The new Star Wars movie coming out this month is being described as a "bloodbath", according to the BBC. Oh, goody, goody, goody....

They finally got a break in the Precious Doe case. Precious Doe is a three year old girl found decapitated in Kansas City in 2001. They have finally arrested her "alleged" killers in Oklahoma. The couple went to Kansas City in 2001, taking their 3 year old with them to look for work. They found drugs instead. A child may be laid to rest very soon, thanks to the tip received from a "relative" who hadn't seen his granddaughter since 2001.

I'm having kind of a bad day gang. I'm in the middle of a depression, I'm running a fever tonight (not too serious, just enough to be uncomfortable), and today is my grandson's 7th birthday. His name is Christopher. I've never seen him. The last picture I received was Christmas five years ago. I would very much like his mother to contact me. If you are or know Melissa Fuller, last known address in California, please have her contact me. I just want to keep in touch with my little boy. Just drop me an email at monkeedo1956 AT aol DOT com. I'm not interested in causing her any trouble regarding custody, that's not my job. I'm only interested in the child. I want to know he's happy. I want him to know about this part of his family.

Although I'm sure they've had lots of jokes made at their expense, a restaurant in Taiwan has a toilet theme, including toilet seats, urinal sconces, and commode shaped dishes. I hope for their sake the food isn't crappy.

Now the Kenyans are on the right track. They are considering a bill setting the punishment for rapists at castration. Of course, they are leaning toward chemical castration, but some want the real thing. Others want the punishment set at death, as they feel rapists are not candidates for rehabilitation. What do you think would be the best method for dealing with rapists? One of their choices, or one of your own?

I just read that Cream reunited for four dates at the London Albert Hall. If you don't know who Cream is, for Pete's sake study your ancestors. Cream was a rock group comprised of drummer Ginger Baker, bassist Jack Bruce, and a guy named Eric Clapton (sigh). If you've never heard of any of these people, I feel sorry for you. Listen, if I can listen to the stuff being passed off as music nowadays, you kids can listen to some oldies. Maybe you'd understand your parents a little better. In all fairness, though, I do like a lot of the stuff played today, except rap. I still can't get into that for the most part. But I listen, because I want to know what my grandkids are listening to. Better stuff like Brand New and Outkast than the music their mother listens to. How that child could come out of a mother who loves Journey and Rush and Foreigner, and a father who thrives on Jimi Hendrix, Led Zeppelin, and Black Sabbath I'll never know. She thrives on country music. Gag! Her kids will worship me, as I will be the all-knowing oracle of music in their eyes. BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!

If you have a goat and you're going to Afghanistan, don't let it wander around. An errant goat wandered into a neighbor's field, and the resulting argument between neighbors ended with four dead and five wounded. Darn goat. Remember, guns don't kill people, goats do. No, that's wrong, those people were shot. Well, blame the goat anyway.

A word to the wise: If you must carry a knife, please make sure it's the kind that folds up. A man in Bulgaria was carrying a standard kitchen knife down the street, when he dropped some coins on the sidewalk. When he bent down to pick them up, he stabbed himself and died on the way to the hospital.

Tired of cleaning litter boxes? Well, you're in luck. Jo Lapidge of Australia has invented a method for training your cat to use the toilet. It's called the Litter Kwitter. If it works, someone should start working on one for dogs.

Only saw about the last 20 minutes of American Idol tonight. It's not as good without Constantine. I know Beda, you'll understand, he reminded me of "Nose". Seriously, I may be getting older, but I'm not dead yet. His singing reminded me of the days of Cassidy, Sherman, etc. Crushes R us. Just don't tell Sir Mugley. I'd have to buy him another poster of Ann Margret or Kate Jackson. Anyway, even though Scott should go this week (judging from the recaps) he probably won't. They'll send home Anthony first.

I'm so in favor of senior class pranks. They tend to let off steam and provide an outlet for spring fever, as long as there's no real damage done. Such was the case at Bayshore High School in Bradenton, Florida. Two somebodies glued the locks to the school shut. Funny, right up to the time when the school district is forced to fork over $6,000 for locksmith services and repairs. That's no good. Let's keep those pranks good natured, kids.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

I mentioned about a week ago that I would write a little about my first trip to the physical therapist. Lesley is a very nice man. We had a great talk. And I have been in a real funk ever since. Don't get me wrong. Most days I deal with my disabilities very well. But I'm really feeling like a cantaloupe doggie right now. You know, melancholy. Sorry.

We were discussing my medical history. I recounted to him when my scoliosis was first diagnosed (age 12), and how, even then, I asked the doctor if there was some kind of brace that would help. He said no. I found out later that the Milwaukee brace had been on the market for more than 10 years at that time! What has me totally bummed out, though, was when Lesley told me that if my former doctor had put a simple lift in my shoe my back problems wouldn't be nearly as bad as they are now. That statement just really knocked the wind out of me. A simple thing like a shoe lift could have really made a difference in my physical life. And quite probably my emotional life. I'm starting to tear up now just writing this. I waited this long to get my emotions in check. I'm so very angry with that doctor. I'm angry with my parents and I'm angry with myself. I'm just angry with life right now. Give me a few more days and I'll be back to my obnoxious self. Sorry if this brought anyone down. That wasn't my intention. If you take nothing else from this, take this: Get a second opinion. Perhaps another doctor would have treated me differently.

I think someone in the Ohio Department of Transportation has had a nervous breakdown. They are considering reversing the flow of traffic in some areas to ease congestion. That means in some areas you would be required to drive on the left side of the road. How in the world is this going to help anyone? Except the undertakers, the accident lawyers, etc.

Another end of the school year prank has been successfully pulled off. Someone has ingeniously installed a disco ball on top of the Cornell University McGraw Tower. Authorities can't figure out how anyone got up there, since the access hatch was welded shut after someone put a pumpkin up there in 1997.

Argentina is suffering from a beaver plague. Take that as you will, but get your mind out of the gutter and read the story. It really is interesting.

Monday, May 02, 2005

This gigantic burger war is really getting out of hand. Denny's Beer Barrel Pub (as seen in commercials) was selling a 6 pound burger. Only one person has been able to eat one, a 100 pound girl (it figures). When she was victorious, a competitor, the Clinton Station Diner came out with Zeus, a 12.5 pound burger. But Denny's couldn't have that, now could they? So they have introduced the Belly Buster:
Dubbed the Beer Barrel Belly Buster, the burger comes with 10.5 pounds of ground beef, 25 slices of cheese, a head of lettuce, three tomatoes, two onions, a cup-and-a-half each of mayonnaise, relish, ketchup, mustard and banana peppers — and a bun.
This "burger" is large enough to feed 10 adults. Why do people want to waste food like this?

This is getting ridiculous. Now a man in North Carolina has found a severed finger in his frozen custard. Being the ghoul that I am, this is my favorite part of the story:
Stowers, who did not immediately return calls Monday from The Associated Press, told the station: "I thought it was candy because they put candy in your ice cream ... to make it a treat. So I said, 'OK, well, I'll just put it in my mouth and get the ice cream off of it and see what it is.'"

Stowers said he spit the object out, but still couldn't identify it. So he went to his kitchen, rinsed it off with water — and "just started screaming."
Sounds like your basic horror movie, doesn't it?

Sunday, May 01, 2005

If you're travelling to the Maldives (yeah, right) anytime soon, their new underwater restaurant is now open. Part of the Hilton hotels, it is built 5 meters under water in the Indian Ocean, with a 270 degree panoramic view of the coral reef. Sounds fabulous. Oddly enough, the restaurant, which only seats 14 people at a time, doesn't list any prices for their meals. I'm sure it's one of those instances where, if you have to ask the price, you can't afford it.

Just a few of the bizarre stories I missed while I was gone: A school in Clovis, New Mexico was locked down for 2 hours with snipers on the rooftops, parents in distress, the whole shebang like you'd see in a movie-of-the-week, because a kid brought his homework assignment to school: a 30-inch burrito.

In other news, be careful ordering drinks in the Andes, as the most popular drink right now includes blended toads. The Peruvians think they are aphrodesiacs. Yuck!

Good evening. I'm back after many days of mundane chores and duties. Seriously, I'm spending a lot of time right now getting Sir Mugley ready for graduation, as well as doing the ridiculous amount of paperwork required to get him into grad school. If you are a praying person, pray that he gets into the school that God wants him to attend. And pray for this to take place this fall, otherwise we're going to have to start paying off his student loans, and I can't even consider that right now. Tomorrow I will be addressing the graduation announcements and getting them ready to go out on Tuesday. Hopefully, my hands won't fall off.

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