Grandma's House

And here's tonight's topper: In New Hampshire, a guy named Ronald MacDonald (no kidding) who worked at Wendy's (seriously, I wouldn't lie to you) has been accused of stealing money from the restaurant safe. Frankly, I can't understand why he'd want to work at Wendy's anyway with that name. I hope he doesn't have red hair, that would be too much.

There's an unusual crime spree going on in Baltimore these days: Someone is stealing 30-foot aluminum light poles. They've taken about 130 of the 250-pound poles so far. Whoever is doing this is disguising themselves as utility crews, even going so far as to put out the orange traffic cones around the pole they're stealing. Now that's guts!

Did anybody attempt to watch the Thanksgiving Day parades on CBS or NBC? I heard the one on CBS was pretty lame, but it had to be better than the parade on NBC. If that's what you want to call it. They spent most of their time on songs and dances from Broadway shows. And the puns were so pathetic. Then, when there was something interesting going on, instead of telling us about it, or showing the scene, they show us a stupid videotape of last year's balloon coming down the street. I surrender. I'm no longer watching any parade besides the Tournament of Roses parade in January. At least I can mute that and see the beautiful floats. Parades used to be much better. At least you could tell there was a parade going on.

I was sure sorry to hear that Mr. Miyagi had "waxed off". Pat Morita, the actor who trained little Daniel in the Karate Kid, died last week. He was 73. He also starred in several movies, and played in television frequently. He will be missed.

Is it a new trend now for criminals to hide out in dog houses? A man in Washington was wanted on a hit-and-run, and was found in a dog house by a police dog. And in Nevada, a bank robber was found hiding out in a dog house. Let's put a stop to this right now. It's bad enough they're breaking the law; they shouldn't be invading the private homes of our critters. Dogs have to deal with enough crap from people.

Wow, what a weekend! Thursday we had dinner at the daughter's house. It was really nice. Even nicer that her mother-in-law didn't show. I just don't like her very much. Every time she gets mad at the kids for any reason, she turns them in to DFS for no particular reason. Of course she denies it, but it's just a little too coincidental in my opinion. Anyway, she wasn't there so it was nice and peaceful. We had a lot of fun with the kiddies, and were totally exhausted when we got home.

Friday, I spent a lot of time making copies of my sister's wedding video from March. I had promised my brother and sisters a copy of it. I also made each of them a mixed CD for Christmas. My brother got country/bluegrass, my oldest sister got gospel, next oldest sister 50's and 60's rock and roll, and younger sister got a CD that was part funny stuff I'd collected, and part Bo Bice from American Idol. She loves his singing.

Saturday was the family Christmas get together. I drove to Carthage for the reunion, and was actually the first one there for a change. I'm usually last. After we'd all been told not to buy any gifts this year, I had brought the videos and cd's wrapped as gifts. My brother made us all beautiful wooden benches for our homes. They're really nice. My oldest sister brought homemade cookies and zucchini bread, and my younger sister brought everyone a stocking which contained two each of Skittles, M&M's, Reese's Pieces, microwave popcorn and two 8 ounce bottles of Coke, along with a gift card from Blockbuster. The sister that hosted the party was shocked that everybody brought something, so she said she'd get even next year. I'm almost afraid to see what that means!

Sunday was recovery day. I spent the day eating stuff from the stocking and the homemade goodies and watching football. Sunday night we had a pretty nasty wind storm come through. There was a funnel cloud over by Lockwood, which is about 15 miles from here. The mayor didn't think it was bad enough to sound the tornado sirens. I'm glad I don't have to answer for that. It's just a good thing no one was injured.

So now I'm back. We had a few flurries today, but nothing serious. Just enough to blow around on the road. And now I'm ready to blog again. Did you miss me?

No blogging tonight. I'm beat from making my traditional contributions to my daughter's dinner. Homemade chicken and noodles, sweet potato souffle, and cheese dressing. As my daughter says, nobody cooks like her mama. And this is where everybody else says, thank God! Just kidding. I do all right. Her mother-in-law is coming to dinner tomorrow just so she can have my chicken and noodles. Seems like no matter how hard she tries, my daughter can't get it right. Her noodles are so sad. But I love her anyway. See you after the holidays.

For anyone who might care, my son-in-law got three deer this season. He didn't get the big buck he wanted, but he did get a lot of venison for his freezer, and deer burger for meeeee!! I don't particularly care for the taste of venison, but the burger is good in chili, where I can't taste the meat.

Never let it be said that God isn't in favor of law and order. A man in southern Italy was on the run from the police, so he tried to duck into a church to hide out. To his dismay, the church was occupied by police officers attending mass. They allowed him to attend the remainder of the service before escorting him back to jail.

Here's a story that will make all you guys cringe in sympathy:

Police accidentally hit a naked man in the genitals with a Taser after he was caught breaking windows and asking women to touch him, authorities said.

Ouch! He was charged (no pun intended on my part) with indecent exposure, resisting, and criminal damage. If you ask me, he's the one that suffered the criminal damage.

My sister sent me this joke, and I knew I had to pass it along:

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him.

"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments then asked, "How does that feel?"

He replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."

No more blogging tonight, gang. I babysat my grandson today and he wore me out. We read books, and played games he made up, like Jimmy Neutron and the dinosaurs. I kid you not. He had a little JN figure and it went hunting for the plastic dinosaurs. Jimmy bagged two of the buggers. Then it was lunch, followed by Lord of the Rings movies which had to be explained. I'm beat. See ya tomorrow.

You Are Pecan Pie Soda

Sweet, but totally nuts

Is this too much to hope for?

The Elaph Arab media website reported on Sunday that Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, the head of the al-Qaida in Iraq terror group, may have been killed in Iraq on Sunday afternoon when eight terrorists blew themselves up in the northern Iraqi city of Mosul.

The unconfirmed report claimed that the explosions occurred while coalition forces surrounded the house in which al-Zarqawi was hiding. American and Iraqi forces are looking into the report.

If this is true, MERRY CHRISTMAS!

This week's Carnival of Recipes is hosted by Rocket Jones. Being a special kind of blogger, Rocket has run some of the recipes through Babelfish, translating them into other languages, then translating them back. If nothing else, you'll enjoy the mangling the recipes undergo.

The family football pool isn't going too well for me this year. As of today, Sir Mugley is up by 127 points. That's pathetic. I've only lost one other year, and I haven't heard the end of it yet. Now it's just gonna be worse, unless my teams decide to start showing up for their games and score some points.

If they had lived, today would have been my parents' fiftieth wedding anniversary. I'm sure we would have had a big party, with all the family there. But Dad passed away in 1989, and Mom died in 1999. After all this time, I still miss them.

You Are Pumpkin Pie

You're the perfect combo of uniqueness and quality Those who like you are looking for something (someone!) special

You may recall last year I let you know about the 2004 Jones Soda Holiday 5-pack, which included Turkey and Gravy soda, cranberry soda, green bean casserole soda, etc. Well, Jones has done it again. The 2005 Regional Holiday Pack includes the traditional turkey and gravy soda, plus salmon soda, corn on the cob, broccoli casserole, and pecan pie sodas. If you don't live in the Pacific Northwest, you can get their regular Holiday 5-pack, which includes the turkey and gravy, brussel sprout, wild herb stuffing, cranberry and pumpkin pie sodas. If you can get them down, you're a better human being than I.

The next time you feel like complaining about treatment you received in the hospital, think about this story from India:

A woman receiving treatment for diabetes at a state-run hospital in eastern India lost one of her eyes after ants nibbled away at it, officials said on Tuesday.

The patient recovering from a post-surgery infection shrieked for help as the ants attacked her on Sunday night, but nurses told her it was normal to feel pain from the infection.

On Monday, the patient's family saw a gaping hole with swarming ants in it when they lifted the bandage on her left eye.

Ooh, ick!

The 2005 inductees into the Toy Hall of Fame have been announced. It's fine that Candyland and the Jack-In-The-Box have been inducted. But the best thing they did was include the famous cardboard box. Yes, the universal toy beloved to children the world over has finally been accepted in the official toy world. It's about time, in my opinion.

In an archeological dig in southern Israel, a shard of pottery has been found inscribed with the name Goliath. More evidence that the Bible story is true.

There's a very lucky pup in Flint, Michigan named Peg. Peg is getting a brand new prosthetic leg to take the place of the leg and paw that Peg was born without. She might always have a limp (after all, prostheses are not that easy to fit, even on humans), but she'll have four legs to run on.

Myopic Zeal is hosting the 65th Carnival of Recipes. This week there's a patriotic, red white and blue theme. Nice touch, dude.

Today is the beginning of deer season in these parts. My son-in-law is going up near Stockton this morning in hopes of bagging a large buck he's had his eye on for a while. I'm just glad he decided to wait until next year to start taking his oldest son, Sammy. He's not big enough to hold the rifle right, and he'd probably shoot somebody.

After he tries to get the buck, he's going after some younger meat. For some reason, this year there's plenty of deer to go around, and you can get as many tags as you want. He'll probably fill his freezer. We'll get some of the deer burger from them. It's great in chili, mainly because you can't taste the wildness of the venison. I can't eat it otherwise. I never developed a taste for it, but I'll cook it for my husband if he wants some deer steak. I'll eat pasta instead.

Anyway, if you're going hunting this week, please be careful. Somebody might want you back.

The terrorists in France are getting off pretty easy if you ask me. I don't understand why the French government are letting them get away with the nightly anarchy they're perpetrating. The Australian government nipped it in the bud before it got started. And now Zarkawi has started hitting other Muslim countries. Wasn't that Napoleon's and Hitler's biggest mistake: biting off more than he could chew? I must admit, though, it does my heart good to see the Jordanian people fighting back. It's nice to know there is some sanity over in that part of the world.

Here's just a quick public service announcement: If you live in California, be careful not to hit any deer while driving. They just might hit back.

During the upcoming Westchester Cat Show in White Plains, New York, there will be a memorial service for Ginny, a schauzer-husky mix, who was exceptional at finding kittens in distress. She was responsible for saving more than 100 cats over the years, and cats loved her.

Her owner, Philip Gonzalez of Long Beach, has written two books about Ginny and the cats she found, several of whom moved in with him. Among the best-known rescues is the time Ginny threw herself against a vertical pipe at a construction site to topple it and reveal the kittens trapped inside. She once ignored the cuts on her paws as she dug through a box full of broken glass to find an injured cat inside.

You'd never find a cat that would do that for a dog, let alone hundreds of them. You will be missed, Ginny.

They had a real hot time, but it wasn't the kind you can enjoy. A couple in Augsberg, Germany had a new act for the local strip club. The woman was tied to the stripper's pole, wearing nothing but a g-string. Then her partner, a fire eater, blew flames around her. Unfortunately he got a little too close, and set her breasts on fire. He received a suspended sentence. She received medical treatment.

I can live with this:

Your Heart Is Blue

Love is a doing word for you. You know it's love when you treat each other well. You are a giving lover, but you don't give too much. You expect something in return. Your flirting style: Friendly Your lucky first date: Lunch at an outdoor cafe Your dream lover: Is both generous and selfish What you bring to relationships: Loyalty

Boy, I thought my kids were bad when they were two, but these guys make them look like saints.

After slipping out of their home, police said the two-year-old cousins entered and "ransacked" a nearby bungalow, emptying the contents of the refrigerator onto the floor, rummaging through a bedroom and breaking a sheet of drywall.

One of the boys even deposited his diaper in a basement aquarium housing three turtles. The turtles were not injured.

Their parents were asleep at home, unaware the kids were gone until the police woke them up. I won't comment on that. You are quite capable of that yourself.

There's a new male contraceptive treatment in Bosnia which I can almost guarantee will never catch on here. The men receive electric shocks to their testicles.

Serbian fertility expert Dr Sava Bojovic, who runs one of the clinics offering the service, said the small electric shock makes men temporarily infertile by stunning their sperm into a state of immobility.

He said: "We attach electrodes to either side of the testicles and send low electricity currents flowing through them.

"This stuns the sperm, effectively putting them to sleep for up to 10 days, which means couples can have sex without fear of getting pregnant.

"The method does not kill the sperm permanently and it does not affect the patient's health."

Men are lining up at the clinic to get the treatments. It's so popular, they are planning to expand.

He added: "We are hoping to have a small battery powered version on sale in the shops in time for Xmas."

Let's all sing now... "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire...."

A woman in Fort Myers, Florida is under arrest for trying to smuggle a stolen parrot - by hiding it in her bra. She was caught because she tried to trade the $2,000 parrot for a vintage car. The car owner was friends with the real owner of the bird. What a boob!

The man who sued Home Depot for being glued to a toilet seat may wind up in the hot seat again. It seems Bob Dougherty has filed this same claim against another store several years ago, which was unsuccessful. He says he doesn't remember that, but he's willing to take a polygraph exam to prove he's telling the truth. We'll see.

If you live in Sweden and have apple trees in your yard, be sure to pick up the apples that fall, or you could have problems. That's what happened at a nursing home in southern Sweden. Two moose - a mama and baby - ate the fermenting apples on the ground, and got blottoed. They tried to check into the nursing home, and probably caused a lot of diapers to need changing. They were run off but returned later for more apples. I guess they were jonesing for another snort.

Starting off with a gruesome story today. Three men were drinking together in a backyard in Brisbane, Australia, when two of them got into an argument. The older man knocked down the teenager, stomped on his head a few times, stabbed him more than 100 times, then cut off his head with a tomahawk. If that weren't enough, he proceeded to use the head as a bowling ball, rolling it around a pasture. He's in jail now awaiting charges, so I don't think he's having too much fun now.

Well, folks. It looks like apathy has reared its ugly head once again when it comes to our duty to vote. I've read that Democrats won some big seats in the East, but I haven't done any digging into the actual vote. I've been studying the voting here in Southwest Missouri, and it is truly embarassing. One issue in Pulaski County (home of Fort Leonard Wood and surrounding cities) received only 7 votes. Seven! There were 10 precincts involved here. A small town in Stone County with a population of 129 passed a sales tax raise by a vote of 9 to 2. 11 people out of 129. Truly shameful in my opinion. We didn't have anything to vote on here in my county, but when we do we really turn out.

The state elections today turned out well for the Republicans down here. The 29th Senate district elected Goodman 66% over McNeill 30%, and the House race went to Republican Smith over Democrat Simpson 54-44%. So that keeps the Republican/Democrat split in the Missouri legislature the same as it was. At least in this part of the state. God only knows what they do in the north.

I've added two more blogs to my blogroll today. Where's The Ka-Boom? is hilariously written, by Dr. E. Scientist, Ph.D. You'd be hard pressed to find another person this nuts and willing to write about it. The other is Mr. Hassle's Long Underpants, a less manic blog to be sure, but every bit as fascinating. It is written by an ER doctor, who just finished his residency. Check them out and feel free to let me know what you think.

And if you needed an excuse not to live in Texas, here's one. That could have put a world of hurt on somebody. By all means, check out the picture.

Talk about your major blunder:

A Times Square movie theater laid an egg at a showing of "Chicken Little" last night.

Adults and kids expecting to watch Disney's G-rated animated flick at the AMC Empire 25 theater on 42nd St. were instead presented with a foreign film that opened with a young man committing suicide.

Terrified children didn't know what to do as they watched a young boy hang himself from a tree at the 8:45 p.m. screening.

So they had a theater full of children screaming and crying, and they'll probably have nightmares for a while. So how does the theater handle the mistake? How do they show their remorse for such a monumental screw-up?

Patrons got a coupon for a free movie.

Oh, Goody Goody!

Well, it's early in the week, but I believe we have a strong candidate for idiots of the week: Three youths (1 age 19, 2 age 20) died because they were playing catch with a grenade and it blew up. Others were injured in this stupendous act of recklessness. These "youths" were old enough to know better, and now they're dead. What a waste of human life.

Okay, gang. This week's Carnival of Recipes is at Pajama Pundits. It is just souper!

Looks like Boston has their very own Barney Fife.

A law enforcement officer went to a Dunkin' Donuts on Boston's South Shore and left his gun behind. The 61-year-old Plymouth County sheriff's deputy entered the doughnut shop in Pembroke last week to use the bathroom. He took off his gun and left without it. He realized his mistake, but when he returned to the shop about 45 minutes later, the gun was gone.

Fortunately for him, a customer had found it and put it in a mailbox, to protect any child who may have come across it. He then called the police and told them where it was. The deputy was suspended, and "may face disciplinary action". What do you mean "may face"? Dude should be fired for something that stupid.

Speaking of bizarre deaths and stuff related thereto, check out this story from England:

Oxford University student Kostydin Yankov, 19, suffered multiple injuries when he missed a safety net after being flung from a medieval-style trebuchet catapult.

What can you say after that?

In this article on Mexico's Day of the Dead, there is a discussion of a so-called museum which contains 111 mummies which were evicted from the next-door cemetary because the grave rental fee wasn't paid. Yikes!

I've done a little cleanup of my blogroll this morning. I regretfully had to dump a few entries, since the bloggers had quit on me. I guess people do burn out from time to time. However, I will be surfing for new blood. The first to join the blogroll is our very own Speaker of the House, Dennis Hastert. That's right, he has a blog. Check it out and let me know what you think. You have a blog you want me to add? Drop me a note with the URL and I'll give it a look-see.

I'm in a really pissy mood today, so I decided not to post anything. However, I must put my feelings aside for a very important project. Project Valour-IT has been set up to raise money to purchase Voice Activated Laptop computers for OUR Injured Troops. To make the fundraising more interesting, they've divided up into military branches. Blackfive is heading the Army fundraising, Indepundit is in charge of the Navy team, Mudville Gazette is in charge of the Air Force, and last but not least, Soldier's Angel is working for the Marines. Pick your favorite and make a donation. It doesn't have to be large, and it will mean so much to a wounded veteran. I don't know which way to go here, because my father, father-in-law and son were in the Army, my daughter joined the Navy, and my husband was in the Air Force. I don't know how I missed having someone in the Marines or Coast Guard. Anyway, give till it hurts, because I guarantee you, it won't be as big a sacrifice as that veteran made.

Some people in Annapolis, Maryland must really love to shop. The grocery store they were in caught fire, but they refused to leave the checkout line. Firefighters had to force them to leave the store so they could put the fire out. Even after all that, some of them tried to get back into the store to finish their shopping. I'd hate to see these guys at a clearance sale. Someone could get killed!

Actress Sutton Foster was singing a song called "I'm An Accident Waiting To Happen", when she fell and broke her arm during rehearsals in Los Angeles. Good thing she wasn't singing "Wipeout", or "Day Tripper". Can you come up with other songs that would fit the occasion?

Two Chinese men were busted by the Russian police for trying to sneak across the border on a riding lawn mower. They claimed to be gardeners who got lost. Yeah, right. I'm surprised the Mexicans haven't used that excuse yet.

If anyone asks you to work on "Oetzi", the Stone Age hunter found in 1991, you might want to pass. A molecular biologist working on the corpse just passed away, the seventh person associated with the find to die unexpectedly. Some are calling it a "curse", others say it's just coincidence. Here's the list:

Dr. Loy, the biologist, died in Australia in unclear circumstances two weeks ago at age 63.

The amateur climber who found Oetzi died during an unexpected blizzard last year in the Alps.

Within hours of the climber's funeral, the head of the rescue team sent to find him died of a heart attack. He was 45 and had been in good health.

The pathologist who handled the body of Oetzi was killed in a car accident.

The mountaineer who led the pathologist to the body was killed in an avalanche.

A filmmaker who made a documentary about finding the body died of a brain tumor shortly after the film was finished.

The archeologist who was the leading expert on the body died of complications of multiple sclerosis.

Who will be next? Bwa-hahahahaha!

Two friends in New York got high together, then got into a fight. Something they tended to do on a regular basis. This time was a little different, though. One of them went and got a gun to settle the argument. They wound up killing each other with the same gun. How weird can you get?

Did you know China has their very own "Loch Ness Monster"? Its name is Kanasi Huguai, and it lives in Lake Kanasi, China. I thought you might be interested.

Your Birthdate: August 19

You are resilient, and no doubt your resilience has already been tested. You've had some difficult experiences in your life, but you are wise from them. Having had to grow up quickly, you tend to discount the advice of others. You tend to be a loner, having learned that the only person you can depend on is yourself. Your strength: Well developed stability and confidence Your weakness: Suspicion of others Your power color: Eggplant Your power symbol: Spade Your power month: October

I had a little good news this morning. I actually won a contest. I won two movie tickets! Woo hoo! I haven't been to a movie in over a year, so I'm thinking this could be a good thing.

I received this via e-mail today and thought you would enjoy it. Although the e--mail claimed this was from Andy Rooney, I find it difficult to believe he could ever be this clever. Enjoy!

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will not lay next to you in bed and ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.

A woman over 40 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 40 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

A woman over 40 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. They always know.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coifed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 18-year-old
waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free." Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage.

Just a brief update on my opinions:

The Democratic Senators: Childish actions on their part in the handling of the closed session. They are supposed to be more mature than that.

The DNC: Between the "anonymous" smear campaign of nominee Alito, and the treatment of black Republicans, they are as childish as the Senators (see above).

The Media Who Are Harrassing Mrs. Alito: Anyone who harasses a 90-year-old grandmother rather than investigate the judge's rulings should be arrested immediately! This is just criminal.

November is American Indian Heritage Month. Since I'm part Cherokee, I'll accept all gifts, especially money. (just kidding)

A man in Germany had his electric wheelchair confiscated, and can't drive it for three months, because he was busted on his way to the liquor store for having a blood-alcohol level four times the legal limit. He has to use his manual wheelchair until the ban is up. Poor baby.

We've all heard about "the woman scorned", but this chick took it to the next level, and then some. After they broke up, the woman invited the man to visit and possibly rekindle their friendship, and even picked him up. After "business", he fell asleep. That's when it turned ugly.

Slaby said O'Toole waited until he fell asleep and glued his penis to his stomach, glued his testicle to his leg and glued the cheeks of his buttocks together.

Then came the nail polish. Slaby claimed O'Toole dumped it all over his head. When he woke up, Slaby said O'Toole threw him out.

The glue wouldn't come off easily; it had to be peeled off (ouch!). The nail polish wouldn't come out of his hair, either. I hope she gets nailed to the wall by the court. There's no reason for that kind of nonsense.

The North Texas Tollway Authority says they have a forgiving attitude for people who occasionally pass through the toll booth without paying. But even they have their limits.

But Evangelina Gonzalez apparently pressed her luck with nearly 3,000 violations since February 2004. Gonzalez, 41, owes a record $76,039, which includes a $25 administrative fee per violation, The Dallas Morning News reported in Wednesday editions.

Maybe they shouldn't be so generous. There are more scofflaws where she came from, and they owe almost as much.

Don't you know this guy is gonna be the butt of the jokes in his office:

Home Depot was sued by a shopper who claims he got stuck to a restroom toilet seat because a prankster had smeared it with glue.

The lawsuit, filed Friday, said Dougherty was recovering from heart bypass surgery and thought he was having a heart attack when he got stuck at the Louisville store on the day before Halloween 2003. A store employee who heard him calling for help informed the head clerk by radio, but the head clerk "believed it to be a hoax," the lawsuit said.

I hope Home Depot has a crack attorney to handle this case.

Forty minutes. That's how long it took for Wayne Goldsberry to subdue the intruder in his Bentonville, Arkansas home. He caught the fiend in his daughter's bedroom, and killed him with his bare hands. The question is: Will he mount the head on his wall? No, it wasn't a human; it was a five-point buck who crashed into his house.

You know, you try to do a good deed and it just bites you in the butt. Or in this case, in the face. A woman tried to help a seal back into the ocean, and the seal, out of sheer gratitude, bit off her nose. And you thought seals were so cute and friendly, didn't you? Yeah, so did I.

A woman in England has accomplished a rare feat: giving birth to twins from her two wombs. She was born with two half-size wombs and was considered a longshot to have a child at all. The little boy and girl are doing just fine.

Some UK doctors need to be reprimanded in my opinion. They broke a child's heart. A little girl had to have a tooth removed, and was very upset. Her mother soothed her by telling her all about the Tooth Fairy. When she came out of surgery, the doctor refused to turn over the teeth, claiming they were considered "biohazardous body parts" and must be destroyed.

For the record, I never taught my children there was a Tooth Fairy, but they got money anyway, just for being brave about losing their teeth. The little girl in the story got her money as well.