Grandma's House

No blogging today, guys. I'm mid-recovery from an infected fang. I'll be back in a day or two..

Hasn't Mother Moonbat's fifteen minutes of fame run out yet?

War protester Cindy Sheehan has purchased a 5-acre plot in Crawford with some of the insurance money she received after her son was killed in Iraq.

What a way to honor her son! I wonder if she's put up a headstone on his grave yet?

I guess you'd have to file this story under the heading "Did he think it was a secret?":

Lance Bass, band member of 'N Sync, says he's gay and in a "very stable" relationship with a reality show star.

Can you believe it?

Some sad news to report here. Benny Parsons, a legend in the world of NASCAR, has been diagnosed with lung cancer. He has already begun treatment and we wish him well.

In keeping with the movie theme, here's a scene from "Crocodile Dundee":

With Australian outback hero Crocodile Dundee as her inspiration, an 80-year-old British pensioner foiled a knife-wielding burglar with an even bigger blade of her own.

You just shouldn't mess with old ladies. They'll take you down every time.

Somebody in Middletown, New York wants to play "Godfather":

A councilwoman found a severed horse's head in her swimming pool Tuesday, state police said.

I think PETA should be put on the case. They'll nail the culprit to the wall.

Daughters-in-law are rejoicing all over England tonight. A woman who was bullied by her mother-in-law was compensated by the British Court to the tune of $65,000. Her monster-in-law is planning to appeal.

Daughters-in-law are rejoicing all over England tonight. A woman who was bullied by her mother-in-law was compensated by the British Court to the tune of $65,000. Her monster-in-law is planning to appeal.

A lot of people think driving on the highway is dangerous where they live, but unless they live in New York, they probably don't have to dodge Tomahawk cruise missiles. A truck carrying some of the missiles without warheads lost part of its load while driving through the Bronx when it collided with another truck. No one was injured.

If you ever attend an art exhibit, you might want to be careful about walking around inside the art. Some inflatable art in England broke loose from its moorings and lifted several people about 9 meters into the air, then flipping around, scattering the visitors around the area. Two people were killed, and a 3-year-old was seriously hurt.

I guess you should never assume that your final resting place will be your final resting place. At least not in Greenfield, Massachusetts. Proprietors of the Greenfield Cemetery are trying to prevent as many as 50 graves from sliding down to the Green River. Those storms they had up there earlier this month caused a heck of a lot of erosion.

I guess you should never assume that your final resting place will be your final resting place. At least not in Greenfield, Massachusetts. Proprietors of the Greenfield Cemetery are trying to prevent as many as 50 graves from sliding down to the Green River. Those storms they had up there earlier this month caused a heck of a lot of erosion.

Have you ever bought anything online and wondered about those "promotional codes" that get you a discount on your purchase? Well, there's a website that has a bunch of those codes for your convenience. It's called Current Codes. Check it out next time you go to buy something, and you might save some money.

I'm on a natural high this week, guys. It's gonna take something really harsh to bring me down. Why, you ask? Because I found out that I'm the COOL GRANDMA!! What can ever beat that? Especially since there were three others in the running! How sweet it is!!

Pascal from Home Recipes brings us this week's edition of Carnival of Recipes. Feel free to thank Pascal after you've sampled the offering. Let's let folks know when they're appreciated. It's only common courtesy.

Is anyone watching the NBC show Treasure Hunters and playing the online challenges? If you are, how are you doing? It took me forever to figure out the last challenge on the steamboat. Yet, when I finally get it, it seems so simple. Perhaps it's just a sign of getting old?

Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules! Please note..these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as SEX, CARS, the shotgun formation, or NASCAR.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

I see that Jack Warden, an actor who won an Emmy and was nominated for an Academy Award, has passed away. It just seems a little ironic, because one of President Nixon's attornies, Robert Mardian also passed away. Where's the irony, you ask? Jack Warden portrayed one of the editors of the Washington Post in the movie "All The President's Men", which for you children, chronicled the end of the Nixon Presidency. Weird, huh?

I guess you've heard by now that India has banned a lot of bloggers. Well, Vinnie and the Pirate Armada are having none of that! He has declared war on India. Get your swashes buckled, it's time for battle!

Received via e-mail:

Cherokee Wisdom

1. Two Wolves
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all.
One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.
The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather,
"Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

So true.

Here's a story of an escape from the Emerald Isle:

A kangaroo is roaming the green hills of Ireland after escaping a circus near the picturesque port of Kinsale.

Is it just me, or does this just scream "Tom and Jerry Cartoon" to you?

When I was 15, I went to get my learner's permit so I could drive. I had been practicing in my sister's '62 T-bird (man I loved that car), and I was ready. Unfortunately the T-bird was not. So I borrowed a car from a couple at church... it was an Impala with power everything. Never having driven this car before, I attempted the test anyway. I was doing fairly well until it came time to parallel park. They had set up two poles where the cars would be that I had to park between. I managed to break one of them backing into the space, and broke the other one trying to straighten out the car. Needless to say, I didn't get my permit.

But my former roommate topped my story. When she went to take her test, she had to stop in the middle and put gas in the car. Now this was back in the day when someone pumped the gas for you. She was so nervous, when she was ready to leave she thought she had the car in drive, but it was in reverse, and she hit the attendant, breaking his leg.

But this guy topped us both:

The teen, whose name was not released, drove the 2004 black Jeep Cherokee above speed limits, hit four cars and rolled over before going airborne and crashing into another car, which was pushed through the window of a drug store.

In his defense, he apparently had some type of seizure. But I still don't think he'll get his license.

My mom always told me that carrots were good for your eyes. I guess that only applies if you eat them, not if you use one to assault your wife. That poor woman lost the sight in one eye, thanks to that jerk of a husband.

This is an interesting story, but the headline is much funnier. Customer subdues robber with applesauce. When I read that to Sir Mugley, the first thing he asked was, "What was the robber doing with applesauce?" He's just so witty.

I saw that Mickey Spillane has died. He wrote some real trashy detective novels featuring Mike Hammer. I remember my mother had a whole bunch of those kinds of novels, Mickey Spillane, John MacDonald, the James Bond novels, etc., stashed in a box in the back of my bedroom closet. Unfortunately for her, my closet had a light in it. So after bedtime, I'd slip into the closet, close the door, turn on the light, and read all those forbidden books. Thanks, Mickey for the enjoyment I found in that box of books.

Howdy! Is it warm enough for ya? It only hit 100 here today. But at least it's a dry heat... isn't that what they always say? Dry or not, I'm hibernating until it cools off.

Here's this week's edition of Carnival of Recipes, hosted by the uniquely named Trub. Check it out, and if it ever cools off here on Planet Hell, try some of the recipes.

It doesn't seem possible, but today is the 25th Anniversary of the collapse of the skywalks at the Hyatt Regency Hotel in Kansas City. I'll never forget that night. Sir Mugley and I both volunteered to go to the hospital if they needed help, but only three of the victims were taken to the VA hospital where we worked. I'm amazed that in this day and age of memorials for everything under the sun, there are no markers or statues of any kind to commemorate the victims or the rescuers of this tragedy.

Here's a couple of quick TV notes:

First, for all you fans of "24", next season D. B. Woodside, who played President Allstate's brother Wayne Palmer will be elected President, and Regina King will play his sister.

Secondly, The Amazing Race will be moving to Sunday at 8 p.m. Click on the link to get a rundown on the competitors and the locations they will be visiting.

Finally! Even though posting pictures to Blogger is about as fast as pouring molasses in the winter, I got'er done. If you are faint of heart, don't look because I'm in one of the pictures. Wouldn't want to scare anybody, ya know.

As you can see, it was a beautiful evening for a ball game. It had rained earlier in the day, so the temperature was about 80 and there was a light breeze. A lot of people brought blankets so they could sit out in the grass to watch the game.

Naturally, before the game, the players were on hand to sign autographs. Everone was friendly and eager to please the fans who wanted autographs.

There were really only two autographs I wanted on my new Cardinals cap, however.

This is Fetch. He's one of the mascots for the Springfield Cardinals. Isn't he cute? Behind me you can see Louie, the other mascot. I have a picture with him as well, but Blogger is absolutely making me miserable trying to upload these pictures, so you'll have to take my word for it. It took me hours just to get these three done. Anyway, the Cardinals lost the game, but we had a great time anyway. I'm looking forward to going again as soon as possible. At $7.00 per ticket, the entertainment can't be beat.

If this had happened to me, my car would have a new sunroof!

Sherry Hart found a pair of garter snakes in the back seat of her car on a recent shopping trip to the grocery store, then found more under a floor mat.

It seems a snake had gotten in her car and had her babies. They found more than 20 of the little buggers. She thinks it was some kind of prank, but I'm not so sure. Snakes like warm places, and a car in the summer would be a great place for a snake. We found a young king snake in our bathroom this week. I like snakes, but I don't want to be cooped up with one, either in the car of my bathroom.

There are a lot of ways to meet someone. You can meet them in church, at a party, in a bar, at school, etc. There is at least one way not to meet someone, and that is by calling 911.

A woman who called 911 to get "the cutest cop I've seen" sent back to her home got a date all right — a court date.

The deputy had been sent to her home on a noise complaint, and she wanted him to come back, or at least call her.

After listening to some more, followed by a bit of silence, the dispatcher asked again why Dudash needed the deputy to return.

"Honey, I'm just going to be honest with you, OK? I just thought he was cute. I'm 45 years old and I'd just like to meet him again, but I don't know how to go about doing that without calling 911," she said.

At least she got to meet him. He was the one who arrested her. I hope she enjoyed it.

Ed McMahon has been named number one of the top 50 all-time sidekicks. I'm okay with that, but not so much with some of the rest of the list. Here are the top ten:

1. Ed McMahon (Tonight Show)
2. Robin (Batman)
3. George Costanza (Seinfeld)
4. Chewbacca (Star Wars)
5. Ethel Mertz (I Love Lucy)
6. Dr. Watson (Sherlock Holmes)
7. Samwise Gamgee (Lord of the Rings)
8. Ed Norton (Honeymooners)
9. Tattoo (Fantasy Island)
10. Dwight Schrute (The Office)

Come on now. Would you really rank Dwight higher than Barney Fife (no. 19) or Barney Rubble (no. 34)? No way. And Tonto, the Lone Ranger's faithful companion, isn't on the list at all. I don't know who comes up with this stuff, but they must have a screw loose. If you're gonna include the Donkey from Shrek (12) and Piglet (41), why not BooBoo? You never saw Yogi Bear without him. What do you think?

You Are 36% Control Freak

You have achieved the perfect balance of control and letting go. You tend to roll with whatever life brings, but you never get complacent.

I guess this would be the Islamic version of the goose that laid the golden egg:

A chicken in a Kazakh village has laid an egg with the word "Allah" inscribed on its shell, state media reported Thursday.

They really think that the egg won't go bad. The yolk's gonna be on them, then.

Do you remember Kyle MacDonald? About a year ago, Mr. MacDonald started an adventure most of us dream of. Kyle offered to trade a red paper clip for anything. His goal was to keep trading up until he achieved his dream: a house. Well, he did it. For his 15th trade, he swapped a role in a movie for a 3 bedroom house in Kipling, Saskatchewan. Good for him. It only took a year. Note to self: I've gotta get some paper clips.

Allstate wanted to reward Milwaukee on their safe driving record, so they decided to give away free gasoline. I'm not sure they really thought this through.

Two car crashes occurred and four people were arrested in excitement over a gasoline giveaway Wednesday to reward the city for its safe-driving record.

Do you think Allstate is gonna want their gasoline back now?

You know, police K-9 units rarely get any good press, but you let one canine officer go bad and it's all over the news:

A police dog that was left in a pickup with the engine running apparently knocked the vehicle into gear and ran down a woman who was walking to her mailbox.

What can you do? Give him a ticket for driving without a license?

Great e-mail I received:

The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the mountains of Alaska for some sight-seeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Popemobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a "Save the Whales" hat, and a "To Hell with Bush" T-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically, thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10 foot grizzly.

As the Pope watched horrified, a group of Republican loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a .44 magnum into the bear's chest... The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.

As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he told them. "I heard there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true."

As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies "Who was that guy?" "It was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with heaven and has access to all wisdom."

"Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all wisdom but he sure doesn't know anything about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait holding up, or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and snatch another one?"

Here's a somewhat late edition of Carnival of Recipes, hosted by Blabber Heads. Gosh, I bet there's a great backstory to that blog name.

I haven't dropped off the planet or anything, guys. I've had a very eventful few days and I'm exhausted.

I drove to Kansas City Saturday then back home Sunday afternoon. For me that's a 3 hour drive, and I can't take my pain pills if I'm driving, so I was pretty miserable by the time I got home. Add to that the fact that since Friday I'd had only about 5 hours of sleep. Sunday night I couldn't sleep, either. Then Monday I spent two amusing hours (hah!) talking to CenturyTel because they sent me a $1,000 phone bill. Yeah, that's right. It's not a misprint. I'd signed up for one of their special packages...a guaranteed flat rate each month for all long distance, any time any where. They neglected to tell me that this did not include data transmission calls. Since I have to call long distance to access my internet provider.. well, you see the dilemma. Then, at the end of that call, they told me I had a block on my long distance service. They transferred me to billing, where I was told there was NO block on my phone. Okay, fine. Monday night Sir Mugley tried to go online, and found out there was a block on the phone. ACK!! Too angry to sleep Monday night.

I called again Tuesday, and after another extensive discussion, the block was removed. I was so tired by Tuesday night, I went to bed at 9:00 pm. I slept until about 1:00 am, when it started pouring rain. Our roof leaks so we had to put down a bunch of containers to catch the water. I had just gotten back into bed and settled into my pillow, when one of the tiles over my bed slipped out of place, and about a half gallon of water poured down on my head. WOW!!

Sir Mugley thought I'd lost my mind, because I just started laughing like mad. But think about it. If I'd seen that happen in a movie, that's exactly how I'd react. So why not in real life? Besides, if I hadn't laughed I probably would have started crying.

So this is it for tonight. I did manage to sleep for a couple of hours, and now I'm gonna try for more. It's not raining, so I don't expect I'll have another shower. I'm just glad I don't have to sleep in the recliner again.

Well, I'm still waiting for Sir Mugley to get the pictures of the baseball game to me, but when he does I'll post the best ones for you. We had a really good time, though. Good enough we're going back just as soon as we can. Even on our income we can afford to go to these games.

In the meantime, here are some stories that might whet your appetite:

From AOL News: Jan Murray dead at age 89. Click here.

From Yahoo News: An Italian man escaped house arrest and begged to be jailed to get away from his grandfather. Click here.

From Yahoo News: The bears in Tahoe enjoy pizza and booze, and the neighbors like to watch. Click here.

From Yahoo News: A new ice cream which requires a signed waiver before you can try it. Click here.

From Yahoo News: Brian Heidik, winner of Survivor: Thailand, arrested for domestic violence and shooting a puppy with a bow and arrow. Click here.

From Yahoo News: A man in India is recovering after part of his skull fell off. Click here.

From Yahoo News: 2 men in Berlin are arrested for pulling off the ultimate soccer prank. (Frankly I think it was brilliant!!) Click here.

That's it for tonight. I'll probably post a little tomorrow night, but I'll be travelling this weekend, so I'm not sure if I'll post Sunday night or not. You'll have to come back and find out. See ya!

Sorry I haven't posted in a day or so. I just got home from a Springfield Cardinals baseball game about midnight. It was late because they had fireworks afterward. I'll be posting pictures as soon as Sir Mugley gets them to me. In short, we had a glorious time. I can't wait to go back. I'll tell you all about it after I recuperate. It's been a long, long day.

If you are a fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000 (and if you're not, I'm sorry for you), you'll be pleased to know that Michael J. Nelson has his own website. Alas, there are no plans for a remake of the series. Tears are falling all over the world. Or maybe not.

Okay, this is weird. David Hasselhoff is home and recovering nicely after having surgery on his arm. The story is he hit his head on a chandelier while shaving in a London gym bathroom, and the glass from the chandelier sliced a tendon in his arm. Do we really believe this? First of all, how many bathrooms in gyms have chandeliers hanging in them? Any? Secondly, and more interestingly, he says he hit his head on it while shaving. I know he's relatively tall, but how in the world do you hit your head on a chandelier while shaving? I've seen several men shave, in person and on television, and they always lean toward the mirror while scraping off their whiskers. Unless he was standing on a ladder, of course. If that's the case, what was he shaving? Do we really want to know? All in all, a very strange tale, one which we'll never hear in totality I'm sure.