Day By Day© by Chris Muir.Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Here’s some more e-mail funny for your pleasure:
A group of managers were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they’re falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures... the whole thing is just a mess.
An engineer comes along and sees what they’re trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, and measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers and walks away.
After the engineer has gone, one manager turns to another and laughs. “Isn’t that just like an engineer? We’re looking for the height, and he gives us the length.”
*****
A man and a woman were having drinks, getting to know one another and started bantering back and forth about male/female issues. They talked about who was better in certain sports, who were the better entertainers, etc. The flirting continued for more than an hour when the topic of sex came up. So they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.
The man said, “Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we’re so obsessed with getting laid?”
He then went on for several hours arguing his point, even going so far as to ask other men in the bar for their opinions. The woman listened quietly until the man was finished making his point. Confident in the strength of his argument, the man awaited her response.
“That doesn’t prove anything,” the woman countered. “Think about this: when your ear itches and you put your little finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better – your ear, or your finger?”
*****
Probability Theory:
If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world’s great literary works in Braille.
*****
Patrizia Martinelli, ex-wife of fashion heir Maurizio Gucci, was convicted of ordering her husband’s murder and was sentenced to 29 years in prison. Most agree this is a tremendous price for a Gucci knockoff.
Sean Connery is about to star in yet another James Bond thriller. This time he will match wits with the evil proctologist, Coldfinger.
Sesame Street is under fire for accepting corporate sponsorship for the first time. In fact, some of the most vocal critics are the show’s own stars, Kermit the Budweiser Frog and Vlasic Pickle Me Elmo.
*****
A little boy’s prayer: “Dear God, please take care of my daddy and my mommy and my sister and my brother and my doggy and me. Oh, please take care of yourself, God. If anything happens to you, we’re gonna be in a big mess.”
A group of managers were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they’re falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures... the whole thing is just a mess.
An engineer comes along and sees what they’re trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, and measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers and walks away.
After the engineer has gone, one manager turns to another and laughs. “Isn’t that just like an engineer? We’re looking for the height, and he gives us the length.”
*****
A man and a woman were having drinks, getting to know one another and started bantering back and forth about male/female issues. They talked about who was better in certain sports, who were the better entertainers, etc. The flirting continued for more than an hour when the topic of sex came up. So they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.
The man said, “Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we’re so obsessed with getting laid?”
He then went on for several hours arguing his point, even going so far as to ask other men in the bar for their opinions. The woman listened quietly until the man was finished making his point. Confident in the strength of his argument, the man awaited her response.
“That doesn’t prove anything,” the woman countered. “Think about this: when your ear itches and you put your little finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better – your ear, or your finger?”
*****
Probability Theory:
If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world’s great literary works in Braille.
*****
Patrizia Martinelli, ex-wife of fashion heir Maurizio Gucci, was convicted of ordering her husband’s murder and was sentenced to 29 years in prison. Most agree this is a tremendous price for a Gucci knockoff.
Sean Connery is about to star in yet another James Bond thriller. This time he will match wits with the evil proctologist, Coldfinger.
Sesame Street is under fire for accepting corporate sponsorship for the first time. In fact, some of the most vocal critics are the show’s own stars, Kermit the Budweiser Frog and Vlasic Pickle Me Elmo.
*****
A little boy’s prayer: “Dear God, please take care of my daddy and my mommy and my sister and my brother and my doggy and me. Oh, please take care of yourself, God. If anything happens to you, we’re gonna be in a big mess.”
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